“Not if I got to you first and annihilated you with my Stormtrooper army.”
She rolled her eyes and scoffed.
“Have you ever noticed that those guys have terrible aim? They never hit anything. I’m not worried. I could take your army.”
“Whatever,” I said.
“Why didn’t you want the boyfriend to drive you?” Trish said as soon as we’d turned the corner and Will had vanished from view. I heaved a little sigh of relief. I’d lied to him about the reason for going home, but he’d swallowed it because he thought that we had no secrets now. It would be even easier to make him believe what I needed him to believe.
“It wouldn’t have anything to do with the big secret you had a breakdown about, would it?”
“Look, I really don’t want to talk about this. I picked you to drive me because I thought you’d be all grumpy and wouldn’t want to talk, or you’d accept that I didn’t want to talk about it.”
She shrugged one shoulder.
“Well, now I’m curious. You’re not being yourself and I don’t get what could be so bad that that boy, who is crazy about you, wouldn’t be able to stomach.”
I looked out the window. Maine was still in the grips of winter, but this year it had been mild. We’d only had a few snowstorms, and it was looking like spring would come early this year. I was looking forward to it.
“I’m not going to tell you, Trish. So stop trying.” I snapped at her and she whistled in surprise.
“I knew that you had a sassy side to you. I’ve been waiting for it to come out.” She smiled at me. “You’re just a bitch like the rest of us.”
“I’m not a bitch.”
“Sure you are. Be proud of it.” I shook my head and went back to staring out the window.
“Thank you again for doing this for me. I really appreciate it. I can give you gas money or whatever.”
Trish shook her head and turned on the radio to something loud and raucous.
“Don’t worry about it. Friends don’t bother to pay each other back because you know that it will all even out in the end. I’ll do something for you, you’ll do something for me and then we’ll be even.” For a girl who seemed to have terrible social skills, Trish knew a lot about how relationships worked.
“Well, I still feel weird about not giving you gas money.”
“Okay, okay. We can stop somewhere and you can buy me something to eat. Deal?”
“Deal.”
Trish didn’t say anything else about my reasons for going home the entire ride. I kept giving her directions, but my house wasn’t that hard to find.
“This is pretty nice,” she said when we pulled down my street. Most of the houses were relatively new, and built right next to each other, with square lawns in front. Everyone seemed to compete with each other in the summer to prove who had the greenest and best-kept lawn.
“Yeah, I guess.” Something in the pit of my stomach had congealed and gotten heavier the closer we’d gotten to my house. I was dreading the conversation with my mother, and then the drive tomorrow to the hospital to get the bone marrow test. It was a lot easier to manage now than it used to be, but I was still freaking out.
I didn’t want to see Maria. Seeing her just made me think of that terrible day when my daughter was born.
Maybe I wouldn’t have to see her. Maybe I could just go to the hospital, my parents would bring me home and then I could pay my brother to take me back to campus early.
“This is it,” I said to Trish, pointing at my house. “You can just pull over here.” She nodded and stopped the car. I didn’t bring much home with me, so I grabbed my purse from its place on the floor.
“You call me if you need anything. I know what it’s like to have a shitty family, but I had my brother to take care of me. I just want you to know that there’s someone here for you. And if you ever tell anyone that we had this talk, I will hurt you.” She fiddled in the glove box and pulled out a pack of cigarettes. I didn’t tell her that she wasn’t supposed to be smoking. She and Stryker had quit, but I definitely still caught them lighting up every now and then.
“I will. Thanks, Trish.” I got out and she honked a few times before she drove away and I turned to face the house.
I’d only been Audrey-free for a few hours and I was miserable as f**k. We had dinner at Katie and Stryker’s and Lottie was doing her best to cheer me up by making fun of me and trying to piss me off by insulting Star Wars.
Normally, that would have worked, but right now, I felt awful.
“I know what it’s like,” Stryker said, coming over and sitting next to me on the couch. “It’s like part of yourself is missing and you don’t know it’s gone until they take it with them.” His eyes followed Katie as she walked around the room. I didn’t think he was aware that he was doing it.
“Agreed,” I said. “I think I need a drink.”
“That I can help you with,” he said, getting up and going to the fridge. We mostly kept our drinking activities to a minimum, sensitive to how alcohol had affected Zan and Lottie’s life. Stryker tossed me a can of Bud Light and got one for himself.
“Cheers,” he said and we both popped our cans open, sucking up the foam that almost spilled onto the floor.
“William!” Lottie yelled from across the room.
“It’s just one, Lot. Calm the f**k down.” She glared but didn’t make any other comments. But in the back of my mind, what had happened to her best friend, Lexie, hovered. A constant reminder of how quickly life can change. In the blink of an eye.
“Wait until you move in with her,” Stryker said, shaking his head and leaning back in his chair. “You’d think it would be annoying, having her around all the time, but then she’s gone for a few hours and you realize that you miss her.” Stryker somehow made talking about his feelings for Katie sound poetic.
“I don’t think we’re ready for that step yet. We’ve only been together for a week or so.” He shrugged again.
“That doesn’t matter. When you know, you know. No sense in waiting.”
“Waiting for what?” Katie said, coming over and sitting on the arm of Stryker’s chair.
“Waiting to move in. I was giving Will advice.” This time Katie rolled her eyes.
“Advice on what? You give terrible advice.” She had a smirk on her face and I knew she was baiting him.