“You are asking for it, sweetheart.”
“You can punish me later,” she said, running her hand through his hair. He’d stopped spiking it so much and had let it flop in his eyes. Probably just so Katie would reach up and push it away. I totally understood that.
“That’s another upside of living with a girl. The sex,” Stryker said, which earned him a smack in the chest from Katie.
The sex. That was definitely an incentive to move in, but we pretty much had the sex covered, even though we didn’t live together. It would be nice if we had just one place where we could be completely alone. Those dorm walls were so thin and there were always people in the hallways. I wanted to take Aud to a place where it was just the two of us. A cabin in the woods, or a yurt on an island, or somewhere isolated. We could pretend that we were the only two people on the planet.
God, I missed her.
My parents barely spoke to me when I walked in the door and the silence continued on into the next morning. Dad had to deal with something at the restaurant, so Mom was the one who was in charge of taking me to the hospital.
I was walking down the hall to the bathroom, and I passed my parents’ room where she was talking on the phone. I didn’t have to listen for more than a few seconds to know who she was talking to. I put my head down and walked as fast as I could past her.
“If you’re not a match, you’ll have to find that boy you slept with,” she said after a few minutes of driving in silence. I jumped at the sound of her voice. She just stared through the windshield, determined not to make eye contact with me, even though she had to talk to me.
“What?”
“That boy that you slept with. You’ll have to tell him so that he can get tested too, if this doesn’t work out.”
“Eddie. His name is Eddie.” She knew his name. We lived in a pretty small town and there hadn’t been a lot of people in my high school. Not to mention his father was on the school board.
Even if I had kept my daughter, my mom didn’t want to me to tell Eddie. Because then we’d have to deal with custody issues and so forth.
“I can’t believe you did this to me,” she said, shaking her head.
Those words uncorked something inside me and I finally lost it.
“Did this to you? Yes, Mom. I got drunk, had sex and got pregnant because I hate you. It’s all about you. God, I can’t believe you.” I stared out the window. My body shook, I was so angry. I could count the number of times I’d yelled at my mother on one hand.
“You can’t believe me? I can’t believe you! Going out and sleeping with that boy like a common slut. Like one of those girls who lives in that trailer park up the road. We raised you better.”
“You didn’t raise me at all! You just yelled at me and made everything I did seem shameful. I was just a kid and you made me feel awful. You never told me you loved me.” If I wasn’t careful, the anger was going to turn into hurt and I was already close to tears. I didn’t want her to see me cry. I never let my mother see me cry.
“That is ridiculous, Audrey. We told you we loved you. I’m not having this conversation with you anymore. This wouldn’t have happened if you’d just kept it in your pants. You let your hormones get the best of you and gave it up to some boy and then you dragged me and my sister into it. And now look where we are.”
Yes. Look at where I was. This was why I didn’t tell Will. Because I couldn’t deal with him looking at me the way my mom was looking at me. I closed my eyes and pressed my cheek against the cool glass of the window.
21
Audrey called me on Saturday night, her voice low so her parents wouldn’t hear. It was late, but I didn’t care. All I wanted was to hear her voice. Okay, so I wanted to see her and smell her skin and touch her hair and whole lot of other things, but if this was the best I could get, I’d take it.
“How did it go?”
“Fine. Everything was fine.” Her voice was flat, and I wished I could see her eyes to see if it was just the stress of being in her house that was making her act this way, or if it was something else.
“I wish you were here,” she said.
“Hey, I could get in my car and be there soon. Sneak in through your window. I’ve had a lot of previous window-climbing experience.” Kandy’s parents weren’t as strict as mine, but they sure as hell didn’t want their teenage daughter’s boyfriend sleeping over.
“That sounds wonderful, but I don’t want to risk it. For now, this is enough. Just hearing your voice. How was dinner?” I wanted to ask her more about how she was doing, but this was one of those times when she didn’t want to talk, so it was up to me.
“We had a session and Stryker tried to teach Simon how to play spoons. It did not go well. He kept fake-cursing and dropping them. Oh, and you should have seen the new boots Trish got. They have these little compartments in the heels so she can put things inside. I’m pretty sure she was hiding cigarettes and a lighter in there.”
“She’s been having a problem quitting,” she said, and I could finally hear the smile in her voice.
“And . . . what else? Oh, Simon’s out of the Resolution Game. And so is Max. So it’s you, me, Lottie, Zan and Stryker left now. I’m surprised that many of us are still going.” She laughed softly, more like an exhale. I saw her in my head, wearing a tank top and a ratty pair of shorts, her hair fanned out on her pillow. No doubt she had Harry Potter sheets with posters all over her wall and books stacked everywhere.
“I love you,” I said.
“I know,” she replied and I almost choked on a laugh.
“You know that’s a Star Wars reference? Han Solo says it to Leia.” She was definitely smiling now.
“I remember. I figure if I learn enough about your fandom, you’ll want to learn about mine.” It wasn’t that I didn’t like Harry Potter. I’d just never really read the books. I tried, but they just . . . I don’t know. They didn’t do it for me. But Aud was constantly bugging me to read them and she’d even said she would read them to me out loud. I’d suggested strip reading, where she took off an item of clothing for each chapter that I listened to. So far, she hadn’t gone for it.
“What are you wearing?”
She muffled a laugh.
“You’re such a perv, you know that? I’m not having phone sex with you.”
“I’m not asking you to have phone sex. I’m asking what you’re wearing. That’s a perfectly innocent question.” I was totally bullshitting her.