I knew what it was like having strict parents.
“If my mother knew I was here with you right now, I’d be in so much trouble. I’m over 18, but that doesn’t matter to her. I’ll always be her little boy, and I’m sure that she’ll still be punishing me and sending me to my room when I’m forty. And forcing a book in my hands. That’s always her most effective means of punishment. Forcing us to read something and then tell her what it was about. And if we didn’t read it and tried to pretend, she would know and make us do it over again.” I couldn’t count how many times I’d tried to get away with not reading one of my punishment books. Lottie almost never got punishment books. She just got books whenever she asked Mom for advice on anything. I got those books too, but the punishment books were more frequent. My parents were weird.
“So I have to go home this weekend,” Aud said, out of the blue. “It’s no big deal, but you can’t come with me. There’s no way my parents would let you stay. There’s no place for you to sleep, and they barely let me stay in my own room” She didn’t look at me when she said it.
“What do you have to go home for? You were just there.” It seemed odd that there would be something she’d have to brave seeing her parents for this soon after seeing them.
“I just do. My parents are starting another business and I have to be there for the opening. Get my picture in the paper. It’s one of my family obligations, like you with books. So I have to go.”
Well, that sucked ass.
“Are you sure I can’t come? If I promise to sleep on the couch? Hell, I’ll sleep on the floor as long as it means I get to be near you. And mothers have a tendency to love me.” Kandy’s mother sure did. But then, she was divorced and I could never tell if she liked me as a kid, or if she was hitting on me. It went both ways sometimes. Kandy never seemed to notice.
She shook her head.
“I’m sorry. I wish. It would make things so much more bearable if you were there, but that’s the rule. No boys allowed in the house. Except my brother and his nasty friends, but that doesn’t count. If he wanted to have a girl over, they’d never allow it. They don’t want any of their kids to date, which is why my sister got married so young. But she’s happy.”
“Are you happy?”
This time I got a full smile that made my heart feel as if it was going to explode out of my chest. “Very.”
“Then I guess I’ll just be here all weekend. Missing you.” I rolled on top of her, hard again at the thought that I wasn’t going to be able to get inside her for a whole weekend.
“We should definitely make up for the lost time now.”
“Oh, really?” She pretended to be neutral, but her hands skimmed down my back and pulled me closer before her legs wrapped around me.
“Definitely.”
“Are you sure you have to go?” I whined on Friday when she got into Trish’s car. I had a test, so I couldn’t be the one to drive her home, and she said I couldn’t do it even if I was free. “You’ll barge your way in the house,” she said and I told her that I wouldn’t dare do that, but actually, that had totally been my plan if I’d driven her home.
“Yes, I have to go. I’ll miss you. I’ll think about you all the time.” She kissed me quickly.
“All the time?”
“All of it,” she said, blowing me a kiss out the window as Trish fired up the half-rusted truck. I worried about her driving Aud in the thing, but if she got stranded anywhere, she’d picked up enough auto maintenance from Stryker to know how to fix anything that might go wrong.
This was the first time we’d been separated since the reveal of Aud’s secret and I didn’t know how I was going to get through it. This girl had consumed almost my entire life, and everything reminded me of her.
“I think I have a problem,” I said, calling my sister. She was just coming out of class.
“Really, William? You couldn’t have waited until dinner tonight? You missed me that much?” She must be walking fast, because her breathing was quick.
“Shut up, this is important. I think I’m in love with Audrey.”
“No shit, Sherlock. I knew before you did.”
“I know I’m in love with her, but Simon was talking the other day about how I’ll only ever love one person, like really love one person, and I’m afraid that it’s Audrey and I know she loves me, but what if something happens? What if I lose her? I don’t know what I would do.” I hated admitting this to anyone, but Lottie was different. I could tell her anything.
“Okay, you need to slow your roll and calm the f**k down. You’re going worst case scenario when you should be prancing around holding hands,” she said.
“Prancing? Really?”
“Shut up, you know what I meant. I’m scared of how much I care about her and what it would do to me if something happened.”
“Seriously, calm the f**k down.” Her voice came through the phone and behind me at the same time. That was why she was walking so fast.
“William,” she said, putting her hands on her hips as I hung up. “You have to stop being so insecure. You were never like this with any other girl.”
“She’s not any other girl.” She took my arm and we started walking back toward my room.
“I know, I know. You act like you’re the first person to ever fall in love. Do you remember what I was like with Zan? What I’m still like? Love is the scariest f**king thing you’ll ever do. That’s what makes it worth it.”
I wanted to respond, but I couldn’t think of what to say.
“I know, but this just feels different. I’ve never cared this much about anything.” She cleared her throat.
“Well, yeah, that’s a given. I mean, I didn’t choose to love her any more than I chose to be your twin, so it’s a similar thing, I guess.”
“What would you do if you lost me?” I never should have called her. Our conversation had gone to a dark place that I preferred not to think about.
“Don’t even say that, Lot. I don’t want to talk about this anymore.”
“Then you shouldn’t have called me, dumbass. You’re going to be fine. You’re happy, I’m happy. This is the first time that’s happened in a while, and we should enjoy it. You’re not going to go Darth if you and Aud break up. I wouldn’t let it happen.”