That didn’t sound silly or childish at all. It sounded like a wish that I was going to fulfill. She was going to get the best damn roller skating party I could put together. I’d have to call Lottie and get her to help me set it up. She’d definitely be game, but I couldn’t tell her why I was doing this for Aud. The words we exchanged tonight, in this bed, were sacred. I would never share them with anyone, as long as I lived.
“What was your dream party?” she asked, interrupting my mental planning.
“Well first of all, I always wished my birthday was in the summer, so everyone was out of school and it could last for a while. I really wanted to go camping in the woods. Tents, fishing, hiking, the whole nine yards. Lottie wouldn’t have gone for it, and we always had a joint party. And besides, you can’t let a bunch of kids go camping in the middle of the winter. It would have been awesome, though. Building a fire and telling scary stories and sleeping under the stars.”
“It sounds so sweet.”
“I guess.” I would have been embarrassed to tell anyone else about my secret birthday wish, but not Aud.
“You wanna know something stupid?” I said, feeling bold.
“Sure.”
“The first time I met you, I was so scared of you that I thought you were never going to speak to me again.”
She laughed.
“You were kind of an idiot. Charming, but an idiot. I totally had you pinned as a typical meathead jock, but I knew if you were Lottie’s brother that you couldn’t be all bad. And I couldn’t stop thinking about you after that day. I didn’t know why I was thinking about you, but I couldn’t help it.”
“Have you ever thought that I’m still an idiot, and you’ve just gotten used to it?” That made her really laugh, shoulders shaking and her chest jiggling in a very sexy way.
“Maybe. Maybe my idiot tolerance level has been raised.” I scooted down and kissed her bare stomach. I’d forgotten about her scar. I didn’t really even notice it anymore.
“What’s this from?” I traced the line and she tensed up. “I told you, I don’t care about it. I’m just curious.”
“You’re the only one who’s ever seen it,” she said. “I mean, besides, you know. Medical people.”
“So what’s it from?”
“I had surgery. It was traumatic, and I don’t want to remember it. That’s why I don’t talk about it.”
I guess I could understand that. I’d never had surgery. Broken plenty of bones, but never had to have anything done. Lottie hadn’t either. We’d been relatively healthy growing up, except for being born early, as most twins were.
I kissed all along her scar and she was still tense, but I hoped she’d relax the more I did it.
“Well, you don’t have to talk about it. It doesn’t matter. Let’s talk about something else.” Her body lost its rigidity and she started telling me a story about winning a spelling bee.
23
It wasn’t a lie to tell Will I’d had surgery. I just didn’t specify what kind of surgery it was.
I didn’t hear from Eddie for three days. My mom called every day and asked me if I’d heard from him, and when I said no, she’d hang up without saying anything further.
I was going to give him a week to get back to me before I tried contacting him again. During our initial email conversation when we’d set up the meeting, he’d given me his cell phone number. He was probably regretting that now.
I half expected him to call me and yell at me, or show up at my dorm room, or do something else to get back at me. I almost wanted him to. I should have told him. After all, she was his daughter too. I’d never really seen it that way until now. That she was half his.
Emily.
I’d gotten to pick out her name. The only thing, other than life, that I’d given her.
Her last name was Perez, since legally her parents were my aunt Maria and her husband, Leo. I didn’t even know what she looked like. I had only a very hazy memory of her as she was taken away from the OR after the doctors pulled her from my body, due to her being breech. I thought it would be easier if I didn’t see her. That somehow she wouldn’t exist. But I would always have the scar on my stomach.
My distraction was making my school work suffer, and for the first time, I couldn’t find it in myself to care. I wasn’t failing by any means, but my GPA was definitely taking a hit.
Mr. Halloway watched me during class and even Tyler asked me if I was okay.
“Fine. Just distracted.”
“You’ve been distracted a lot,” he said as we walked as fast as we could to the next building, trying to stay as warm as possible.
“I know. I’ve been hearing that a lot lately,” I said, rubbing my hands on my arms as we thawed out in the lobby of the History building.
“I’m sure you’ve probably heard this before, but if you need someone to talk to, I volunteer.” He grinned up at me and winked at a girl that walked by. I didn’t know if he had a girlfriend, but it seemed like he must. He had so much confidence.
“Thanks, I appreciate it, but get in line. I’ve got so many people who want me to talk to them, I should sell tickets and make it a one-woman show.” He laughed and I flexed my fingers. “Ready to go?” He nodded and we ran as fast as we could to the next building. Getting to class was an ordeal in the winter.
“Well, I would buy a ticket to that show, in any case,” Tyler said before we parted company to head to our separate classes.
“I’ll let you know,” I said and he waved at me before dashing to the next building.
My phone rang in the middle of the night on Friday. Will and I had gone to bed early, mostly because he was a little under the weather and seemed to need extra cuddling. I groped for my phone in the dark and recognized the number as Eddie’s.
“Who’s it?” Will mumbled.
“It’s nothing. Go to sleep.” He moaned and turned over as I threw a shirt on and dashed out into the hallway.
“Hello?” I whispered.
“I want to see her,” he said by way of a greeting.
“What?”
“My daughter. I want to see her. I have the right to see her and make sure she’s okay.” I didn’t think this would be his reaction. I thought he would tell me it was my problem and he wasn’t dealing with it. Instead, he’d gone the opposite route.
Legally, since he wasn’t on the birth certificate and I’d never requested a paternity test, and Emily had been adopted, he didn’t have any rights. But if he wanted to fight, he could take us to court. Or take my aunt to court, but I’d definitely be involved. I didn’t want that, and I didn’t think Maria would want that either.