“He’s still your father, Luke.”
“I’m Bryce, Lexi.”
“Sorry, my brain is a little fogged up right now.”
“Let’s go in the room.” He turned me around and we walked until we reached the third door on the right. “Do you want me to walk in with you?”
“I think I should go in by myself,” I whispered. Bryce nodded and stepped back and I took a deep breath and walked in the door. I was overwhelmed as soon as I set foot inside the room. It was crowded and I felt my blood pressure soaring as I scanned the room to look in the beds. And then I saw him. My Luke. And I fainted once again. Only this time I didn’t see Luke’s childhood face. This time I was in a meadow and there were blue butterflies flying around saying my name, “Lexi, Lexi, Lexi.” And I thought to myself, I never knew butterflies could talk.
Chapter 2
Bryce
I don’t like hospitals. They make me think of death. And only death. When I was in boot camp, we had all talked about our least favorite spots. The guys had laughed when I had told them that I hated hospitals most of all. Even though babies are born there? Someone had asked me one could dreary night when we wanted our minds to be on anything other than the war. I’ve never met a baby, I had told him, not one that I’ve held and bonded with. I didn’t associate hospitals with babies. Just death. And I’ve known too many people who have died.
I kept my back against the wall as I waited for Lexi. I didn’t want to see her face as she saw Luke’s limp, lifeless body. I didn’t want to see the heartache and crushing pain in her eyes. I couldn’t bear to see it. She shouldn’t have to go through this. I’d brought my curse to her. I felt my fist clench and I released it, tapping my foot instead.
“OMG, is she okay?” I heard a little kid scream and I ran into the room. Lexi was lying on the ground, lifelessly. I felt my heart clench. She had fainted again. She must have seen him then. It was true then. Luke was dead. I should have felt relief, but all I felt was an incredible sadness pass through me.
“Shelby, go and get the doctor so he can make sure she is okay. She hit her head when she fainted.” The voice was concerned, husky and familiar. I looked up and froze as I saw Luke standing in front of me.
“Okay, Lukey, I’m going now.” The little girl ran past me and out into the corridor.
“Gimme a hand won’t you, Bryce.” Luke nodded towards Lexi and we lifted her up and put her on an empty bed.
“What are you guys doing here?” Luke frowned at me.
“We came to see you.”
“How did you know I was here?” He looked a little nervous and I wondered what he was doing in the hospital.
“My dad ... wait ... how comes you are alive?”
“How comes I’m alive?” Luke laughed. “Do you want me dead or something, Bryce?”
“No, no. Of course not.” Which was true. I didn’t want him dead. I just wanted him to be out of Lexi’s life.
“So?” He questioned me.
“My dad told us there had been an accident, a fatality, and then he said you were in the hospital. We just assumed there was a connection.”
“Sorry. I’m still alive.”
“I didn’t want you to…” I trailed off as Lexi groaned. I leaned down and looked at her. “Hey, are you okay?”
“I thought I saw Luke.” She smiled, weakly and I nodded to her other side. She turned her head and saw Luke and I saw the shock and happiness in her face. Her eyes lit up and I felt a jab of jealousy.
“Luke, is that you?” Her voice was breathless as if she thought she was talking to an angel.
“Yes, Lexi.”
“Am I in heaven?”
“No, Lexi.” He laughed and I groaned inside. “I wasn’t in the accident. I don’t know who died, but it wasn’t me.”
“Oh thank God.” She sat up and grabbed him. “Don’t you ever do that to me again, Luke Bryan.” She buried her face in his chest and I looked away, heart pounding. So this is what jealousy feels like, I thought. I’d never felt this odd sensation of mind-numbing hurt and pain before; the hollow thudding in my chest was a foreign experience and, as I watched Lexi and Luke out of the corner of my eye, I felt like I wanted to throw up. Never had a sensation overwhelmed me as much as it did now. And then she pulled away from him and turned around and smiled at me, and that fleeting green monster disappeared from my body.
“He’s alive, Bryce.” She beamed at me, tears of happiness flowing from her eyes.
“I see that.” I knew that words sounded dry coming out of my mouth, but I didn’t know how to fake a relief I didn’t really feel. It wasn’t that I wanted Luke to have died. Far from it. I just didn’t feel any particular way, now that he was alive.
“I should call Anna, tell her you are okay.” Lexi avoided my eyes and spoke directly to Luke as she walked out of the room. “I’ll be right back.”
“Okay.” Luke’s voice and mine echoed out at the same time. I felt a wash of gut-wrenching fear in my stomach, it was becoming a familiar feeling every time Lexi mentioned Anna and I wasn’t sure how much longer I could put off telling her. I wanted us to move on in our relationship, but I didn’t want to do that with any secrets. I needed to know she accepted me a hundred percent for who I was and what I had done.
“The doctor is on his way, Luke.” The little girl walked back in the door and smiled shyly at me. She had a bandana on her head and gaunt cheeks. I smiled back at her, taken aback by the way her big, blue eyes seemed to engulf her face.
“Thanks, Shelby.” Luke gave her a quick hug. “Now get back into bed and rest.”
“But I want to play charades. You promised.”
“I promise to play if you rest some more.”
“Promise?” She got into the bed and put her thumb in her mouth.
“I promise.”
“Okay.” She leaned back and pulled the bandana off of her small head. I tried to keep my smile plastered on my face as I stared at the top of her head. She was bald. I’d never seen a little girl who was bald before. It suddenly reminded me of my surroundings.
“I don’t mind if you stare.” She turned to me with a small smile. A smile that tugged at my heartstrings.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to stare,” I mumbled, embarrassed.
“I have cancer,” she said, matter-of-factly.