“I asked about your friends from school. They have a listing for one of them in the hospital registry. A Luke Bryan is at the hospital…” The mayor began—and I fainted again.
I never believed that time could stand still before. It just didn’t seem possible. I suppose a physicist would say that it defied the laws of gravity. How could it be possible for time to stand still? But I know that it can. When I fainted, I felt like I was in a time warp. Even though I knew Bryce and his father were in the room with me, I felt as though I were seeing them from above. And they were frozen in place. And all I could keep thinking about was Luke. Luke was at the hospital? He was dead, then.
I felt a certain comfort in knowing. A numbing, bone-chilling comfort. The sort you feel when you know your life is going to end, but there is absolutely nothing you can do about it. And then I thought about the day he had bought me a Snickers bar and a beanie baby for Valentine’s Day when we were fourteen, because I had been depressed that I had no real valentine.
I had laughed at his poor attempt at a valentine’s gift because who gives someone a mini snickers bar? But I had known that it had been the best he could do, with his limited monetary supply. And the fact that he had spent money to try to make me happy had meant the world to me. I could think back to a million other instances when Luke had done something to make me happy. And many of those instances involved candy bars.
“Lexi, Lexi, are you okay?” Bryce’s face was above mine as I slowly opened my eyes as he broke through the time barrier I had created. He looked angry, concerned, worried and I frowned. Why was he frowning? And why was his voice so off-putting? Why didn’t he understand that I was freaked out by what his dad had just told us?
“Luke…” My voice trailed off. I didn’t want the words to be true.
“I’m sorry, Lexi. But we don’t know exactly what happened.” He held my hand and I gripped it hard. I had to keep it together. This was no time for me to talk about how much I loved Luke. I hadn’t even realized, until this moment, just how deeply my feelings had run. I hadn’t realized until it was too late. And Bryce was not the confidante I was looking for. I wanted to call Anna, to see Anna; she would understand.
“We need to call Anna!” I cried out, searching through my bag, wildly, for my phone. “I need to call her and tell her to meet us at the hospital.”
“No.” Bryce grabbed my hand, panic in his eyes. “There is no need for you to worry her just yet. Let’s see what’s going on first.”
“Okay.” I followed him down the stairs. “Okay.”
“It’s going to be okay, Lexi. Whatever happens, I’m here for you.” He pulled me close to him and held me in his arms. I felt cold and numb against him. When he leaned in to kiss me, I pressed my lips together and pulled back from him. I felt his body flinch as I pulled away. I knew I had hurt him, but I couldn’t control my body and its emotions.
“I’m sorry,” I mumbled, tears welling up in my eyes. “I can’t breathe.”
“Take a deep breath, Lexi.” His blue eyes looked worried and hurt. “And another one ... breathe in and out, in and out.”
I followed his instructions and attempted to control my breathing as we got into his dad’s car. Part of me wanted to laugh: I was driving in the Mayor’s car with Bryce Evans. If I would had told myself in high school that I was going to be in this position one day, I never would have believed it. I was officially dating Bryce Evans and he really seemed to like me, nay—if he was to be believed—he loved me. It seemed unreal.
It should have felt like a fairytale but, oddly, some part of me didn’t feel like I was Cinderella. In fact, I felt like I was in a nightmare more than a fairytale. I grabbed a hold of his hand, hoping that I would feel comfort and warmth from having him by my side, but I still felt vacant. It was as if someone had taken out my insides and thrown them away. I didn’t want to be in the car with Bryce and his dad. I didn’t even want to look at him.
“You’re upset because of Luke, Lexi. This will pass. Don’t f**k it up,” I mumbled to myself as we drove. I pinched my fingers together to try to get some feeling back in my body.
“What did you say, Lexi?” Bryce leaned over towards me. I could see his father watching us in the rear view mirror. I wondered if he knew that I knew what he had done. What he had made my mother do?
“Nothing.” I bit my lip hard and stared out of the window. I could taste blood on my tongue, but I felt no pain. In fact, I was starting to feel lethargic. I just wanted to close my eyes and go to sleep. I just wanted to go to sleep and somehow be able to turn back the hands of time. I wanted to wake up three months ago and wished that none of this had ever happened. I would give anything to be able to save Luke’s life. I’d give up the dream of having Bryce love me if he would just be okay.
I felt the warmth of Bryce next to me, I could feel him staring at me with concern and worry and I started to hyperventilate. What was I doing here? I quickly pulled out my phone and dialed Anna’s number. She had a right to know about Luke. And I needed to get my mind away from my troubling thoughts.
“Hey.” Her voice sounded wary and my breath caught. She already knew, I thought. I then remembered that she and Luke had been planning to hang out that afternoon. Why had I let Bryce talk me out of joining them?
“Hey.” I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t want to voice the words and make them real.
“What’s up?” She sounded anxious.
“I’m on my way to the hospital with Bryce.”
“With Bryce?” Anna’s voice sounded funny. “Is he okay?”
“Huh?” I was confused. “Bryce is fine, he’s sitting next to me. Luke is the one who’s hurt.”
“What?” Anna screamed into the phone and I felt my heart beating fast.
“Weren’t you with him?” I asked, confused. Why is she acting like this?
“No, we cancelled our plans for today. I needed to think.” Her voice sounds nervous and I wanted to ask her what she wanted to think about. I wanted to ask her why she sounded so funny, but my head is too consumed with everything else.
“Oh?”
“It’s been a long week, Lexi. I’m really tired right now.” She sounded angry and I didn’t know why. My Luke-obsessed brain paused for a moment as Anna spoke. She sounded funny and I wasn’t sure why. I felt a pang of guilt that I hadn’t really been around for her much recently.