“Are you trying to get rid of me?” I felt more than a little hurt. “If you want my room, just tell me straight up.”
“I want your room if you’re leaving. But of course you don’t have to leave. Most of us feel you’d be better off staying here.”
There it was again. That pointed look.
Aubrey came into the lounge and flopped on the couch. She and I weren’t fighting or anything, but we’d barely seen each other. We had texted a few times and that had been it. I’d been hoping that we could hang out, but in the middle of a weird conversation about my living arrangements was not when I wanted to see her.
“What’s going on?” Aubrey asked. “But before you answer I’m going to tell you all that I basically don’t care because I met this guy who is so completely hot and amazing that I find myself honestly uninterested in all of you right now.”
I was actually grateful to Aubrey for taking me out of the hot seat. “Oh, yeah? Who is this magical mystery man?”
“His name is Jared and he’s a grad student who I met at the coffee shop when I turned and ran him in to him with my caramel macchiato. He is foxy with a capital F and we’re hanging out tomorrow night.”
“Is that code for sex?” Janice asked.
“No. I’m trying something new,” Aubrey said. “The three date rule. I refuse to sleep with him until we’ve been out at least three times. I want a relationship, not a random hook up.”
“That’s awesome. I think that’s a great idea.” I was totally sincere. I knew she was interested in really building something with a guy. “What do you like about him? What is he studying?”
“I have no idea. Probably something like anthropology or art history. Something with zero income potential. Otherwise he wouldn’t be as dreamy and sexy as he is.” She pulled her knees to her chest, her blond hair falling down around her forearms as she lifted her eyebrows up and down.
That made me laugh. “I love your approach to life, Aub. I wish I had more of your nonchalance.”
“I think it’s more like defensiveness, so I would not be envious if I were you.”
Janice was scrolling through her phone but she asked, “If his name’s Jared, does he look like Jared Leto, by chance? Because I would hit that.”
“Which Jared Leto? He’s had like seven hundred looks.”
“Any of them.”
“No, he’s not that skinny sensitive artist type. So maybe I’m totally wrong on the anthropology call. He looks more like…” She stared straight at me. “Like Heath, actually. Wow. I didn’t even realize that. Apparently I think your boyfriend is hot. How creepy is that?”
I could feel the blood draining from my face. “I don’t know about creepy so much as it’s awkward.” I felt like there was an implication there that I wasn’t quite getting.
“It’s not awkward. It would be awkward if you were still dating my brother and I picked a guy who looked like him. That would suggest I need therapy. But this just means we both have good taste. It’s not like I’m actually interested in Heath.”
Even Janice looked uncomfortable and a little confused. “Um, I think maybe what you mean is that you both like the same type, right?”
“Exactly. The deep, dark, brooding type.”
Still unsure what I say, I just asked, “Is that what it is?”
Heath could be those things. I couldn’t dispute it. But what did Aubrey really know about him? She’d seen him for about ten minutes total.
“That and a few other things.”
“Are you trying to tell me something?” I asked, annoyed with all the innuendos and subterfuge.
For a second, I thought she was going to admit something, but then she just shook her head. “No. What would I have to tell you?”
“I have no idea.” I didn’t.
But I was left feeling completely uneasy.
That night I had another nightmare and I woke up, sitting straight up in Heath’s bed. I swiped my hair off my face and took a deep breath, shivering. He stirred and I quickly settled back down before he could wake up.
But it was too late. He didn’t open his eyes but he did reach for me, spreading his arm across my chest. “You okay?”
“Uh huh. Just had a bad dream.”
“‘Bout what?”
“I was falling,” I lied. The truth was I had walked into my room at the sorority house and had found Heath going down on Aubrey.
I shuddered, trying to shove the image from my mind. Neither of them would do that to me. Why would I even have that rattling around in my subconscious? It pissed me off.
“You’re fine,” he murmured, already drifting back to sleep.
“Yeah. I’m fine.” Though I was going to get Aubrey alone and press her, there was no question about that.
It wasn’t Aubrey I saw though. It was Ethan.
I hadn’t seen him since we’d broken up and I had to admit, running into him at the student union completely caught me off guard.
“Oh. Hey,” he said, when we made eye contact walking in the opposite direction from each other.
“Hey.” I felt my cheeks heat up. I gave him a nervous smile, not sure how to act. Not sure what he knew. I would have thought that I would have heard from him at some point, even if it was just a random text asking how I was, but there had been nothing since he’d walked out of my room, leaving me sobbing.
It seemed like maybe I hadn’t known Ethan as well as I’d thought. Any more than he had truly known me.
“How are you?” he asked, pausing in the hall, people moving past us.
I shrugged, palms sweating. “How about you?” It felt so strange to see him, to be so close to him for so long, yet feel so far away from him now.
“I’ve been better.” He pursed his lips. “Can we… can we sit down and talk for a minute? Are you on your way to class?”
“I have twenty minutes. Sure.” I didn’t think there was much to say that we hadn’t already said, but maybe I was wrong. Or maybe more accurately, it would be the opposite. That if we started talking, we would have to say everything, every thought, feeling, a torrent of emotions and accusations. It wouldn’t be easy or pretty. But I certainly did still want him to understand that I had cared about him. What I didn’t want to do was talk about Heath even though I knew he had to know. Aubrey wouldn’t have kept that from him.