He gestured to the yogurt place to his left. “There’s tables here. Let’s just sit down for a minute.” He sounded painfully polite.
It was awful. Sad. This is what we were after all we had been? It was so awful that when we sat down and faced each other I had tears in my eyes. “Did you get the ring back okay?”
“Yes. Thanks. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked for it back so soon. I was hurt and angry.”
“I… I…” My lip trembled. There were no words. There were too many words but I couldn’t figure out how to arrange them. How did I explain?
Ethan cleared his throat and leaned forward onto the table. “You look different somehow. Edgier.”
“Edgier?” That surprised me. It wasn’t an adjective I would use to describe myself. “I didn’t pierce anything.” I could hear defensiveness creeping into my voice. I wasn’t even sure why I felt defensive, but somehow his comments seemed insulting.
“That didn’t sound right. I’m sorry.” Ethan, who was always poised and smiling, was brooding, his gaze on his hand as he erratically drummed his thumb on the table.
“I’m sorry too,” I murmured. “When I said yes to marrying you, I meant it. It was absolutely sincere, I want you to know that.”
He nodded. “I believe you, Caitlyn. I just couldn’t compete, could I?”
“You broke up with me.” I had thought he wanted to talk to me because he was going to say nice, loving things. I had thought maybe he would make a plea for us getting back together, and I was horrified to realize that I had wanted him to say those things. It had hurt and still hurt that he had promised me love, stability, forever, then had taken it away. I had trusted him to be the one and only man who wouldn’t do that to me. It was how he had won over Heath.
Yet in the end he had been no different.
And it didn’t seem like he was going to backpedal on his choice either, and that hurt all over again. No matter what my current relationship was. It hurt.
“I know. And maybe that had more to do with me than you. I wanted to trust you, but it made me crazy, knowing that guy was walking around. Knowing you wanted him first, still wanted him, but had forced yourself to be practical and give him up. I knew it would eat at me, day by day.” His thumb had stopped moving and his hand had formed a fist.
I knew he was right, but I still resented it. He had betrayed my trust. “Everyone has a past.”
“Yes. But not everyone has the one that got away, if you want to call it that.”
I didn’t want to call it anything. I didn’t even want to talk about this anymore. It was exactly what I had feared- the same words, spoken with less anger, but the same frustration. “What did you want to talk about? Do I have some of your stuff still? I haven’t really looked around my room.” I hadn’t really been in my room much.
“No, I don’t think so. And if you do, it’s fine. I don’t care about a T-shirt here and there.”
I just waited, knowing there was more. He was wrestling with himself, whether or not to speak, that was obvious.
“Don’t take this the wrong way,” he said.
Promising. Not. I raised an eyebrow.
“I’m not trying to sabotage your relationship with… him.” Ethan seemed to have the same problem saying Heath that Heath did saying Ethan.
“Okay,” I said, suspicious. That meant he was about to do just that.
“But the other night I went into the Tavern, not knowing he works there. And your brother was there, passed out on the bar. Your biological brother, I mean. Brian.”
“My brother?” I asked, puzzled. Why would Brian be hanging around the bar Heath worked at? But there weren’t many bars in town to choose from, and Brian went anywhere he thought he could score a free drink. Never mind that he and Heath had always hated each other and he and I weren’t speaking, he would try to take advantage of the connection. “Well, that’s not surprising. Brian is an alcoholic.”
Though I was wondering why Heath hadn’t told me. He probably didn’t want to worry me, either about seeing Brian or seeing Ethan. He had a habit of thinking he knew what was best for me. It was endearing and sweetly protective, yet annoying at the same time.
“Yeah, and when I mentioned to Michael that he was your brother, he said he’s seen him there before. Like every time Michael’s been in there the last few weeks, and that the bartender always gives him free drinks. It’s obvious to everyone they know each other and he said Brian usually ends up passed out on the bar by the end of the night.”
As he spoke, my shoulders stiffened. “You’re telling me Heath is giving my brother free drinks, enough that he passes out cold?” I scoffed. “Why the hell would he do that? Brian and Heath don’t even like each other.”
Ethan shrugged. “I don’t know. It just seemed like something you should know. And you obviously didn’t.”
That made me stand up so quickly, the chair rocked and almost fell over. “What are you doing? Are you trying to mess with my head, trying to get me to pick a fight with Heath?”
“No, of course not.”
“You broke up with me!” I repeated. “This isn’t fair, don’t do this to me.”
“I’m not trying to do anything to you.” His fist clenched. “I just don’t want you hurt. That’s all. I have no agenda.”
“What makes you think you know anything about what would hurt me? You hurt me. You hurt me, Ethan.” Tears were in my eyes and I knew my voice was getting too loud. The people at the table next to us glanced over at me. I waved my hand in protest when Ethan started to reach for me, his face stricken.
I turned and rushed away, heading to my class blindly.
Digging in my backpack, I found my phone. I didn’t know if Brian had the same cell phone as he had the last time I’d been in touch with him right after my father died, but I called him anyway.
“Hello?” He answered on the sixth ring, his voice hoarse. He breathed heavily into the phone.
“It’s me, Caitlyn.”
“I know that. Your f**king name comes up on the screen when you call. What do you want?”
I let out a sound of exasperation. Asshole. He was always an ass**le. “Are you hungover?”
“Yes. Is that what you called to ask?”
“Where have you been drinking?”
There was a pause. His tone changed from annoyed to interested. “Why do you care?”