He felt it, clearly, giving a low growl before exploding himself. I felt the hot invasion and I held onto him, squeezing my inner muscles instinctively. Speechless, we stared at each other, breathing hard. His lips moved, but he didn’t actually say anything. Finally, he tilted his head back and exhaled deeply. “Holy shit, gorgeous. That was unreal.”
“Totally,” I whispered. Then I eased my heels back down to the ground, jeans cutting into my calves, muscles straining from the position. “You didn’t use a condom.” I’d never felt what it was like to have him come inside me without one, and it felt intimate, exciting. Way more satisfying. But it was risky and crazy.
I needed to go on the pill. After that, I didn’t want to go back to latex, and given the look on his face, neither would he.
“So?” He pulled back, giving a sigh when our bodies separated. He tucked himself back into his pants and zipped.
“I could get pregnant.” It was stating the obvious. Bending slightly, I tugged up my jeans.
“So?” he repeated.
I was about to tell him how stupid and irresponsible that was, when he put his hand on the back of my head and drew my mouth to his. His kiss was soft, trembling. “Cat. No more jealousy, promise me.”
That made me feel guilty. I had been irrational, accusatory. I’d demanded answers, then had refused to accept them. There was no way for him to win when I did that. I had to either trust him or it would destroy us. “Promise.”
“You have no reason to worry. Ever.” He brushed my hair back. “And if you ask every girl I’ve been involved with, and there weren’t many, she will tell you I’m a cold-hearted bastard. That’s what girls say when you refuse to lie to them.”
“What do you mean?”
“I always made it clear I was in love with you. So they knew what they were getting in to.” He unlocked the door behind me. “Ready?”
“Yes.” I was. Ready to put my doubts behind me. Ready to accept that time had passed and I couldn’t undo the lives Heath and I had led apart. I could only go forward from there.
I wondered what would have happened if I had been like Heath and told Ethan right from the start that there had been a boy who had captured my heart and still hadn’t let it go.
Chances are there would have never been an Ethan and me. But I hadn’t known that Heath would come back. I had been afraid that if I didn’t try to reinvent my life, and approach it practically, the hole in my heart would never be filled.
It should have felt awkward walking back out into the bar, since three pairs of eyes watched us. They’d all seen me throw Heath’s phone, him drag me off. I felt we looked totally obvious, holding hands. Heath went back under the bar and picked up his phone. Dialing it, he put it to his ear.
“Who are you calling?” I asked.
“A cab. You’re not walking home. And don’t argue with me. I’m done with arguing with you for tonight.” He gave me a smile that made my insides melt like warm chocolate.
I didn’t like to argue either. “Sorry,” I said.
He leaned over the bar and kissed me. “No, you’re not. Not really.”
“I’m sorry I threw your phone,” I amended. “I hope you don’t get in trouble.” That I was sorry about. I wasn’t sorry that I had confronted him about texting Aubrey. We had needed to clear the air. Or I had needed to clear the air.
“I think my boss is undressing you with his eyes,” he murmured. “So I don’t think I’m going to get fired. But maybe next time wait until I’m off work. I don’t want to have to hit him.” Then he turned his attention to whoever answered at the cab company, ordering one for me.
Tucking my hair behind my ear, I couldn’t stop myself from smiling. I’d gotten more than I expected when I had shown up at the bar.
As Heath walked me to the front door to wait for the cab, I felt a warm rush between my thighs. I paused awkwardly, fighting the urge to clamp my legs together.
“You okay?”
Realizing what exactly that sensation was, I nodded. It should have plunged me into terror that I was pregnant, but it didn’t. It just felt sexy, intimate. Territorial.
“I don’t have to work tomorrow night. Stay with me.”
There was no question about it.
For either of us.
Out on the sidewalk in the crisp night air, we kissed as the taxi pulled up.
It was a deep, burning, passion filled embrace.
I was never going to doubt him again.
Over the next few days, I packed up most of my clothes and took them to Heath’s. Neither of us wanted to be apart, and seeing Aubrey was awkward. I wanted to repair our friendship, but I didn’t know how, and I thought maybe if we weren’t always bumping into each other in the hallway, we might have a better shot at that.
Besides that, I had heard Janice talking to someone else and discussing how Ethan had gotten loaded again and gone home with a freshman. It was so unlike him I felt guilty just hearing it. Like it was my fault. That I should have been more upfront with him. Not kept my past from him.
But there was nothing I could do about it.
As I was leaving the sorority house on Friday I did see Aubrey in her room with some guy. Her door was open and while I didn’t want to look, I glanced in and saw them making out on her bed. Before, I would have taken it upon myself to close the door and give her privacy, but if I did that now she would just get pissed. She would think I was judging her.
It made me incredibly sad to think that the person I had spent so much time with, who I had laughed with, and eaten countless pints of ice cream with, was basically unavailable to me anymore.
The guy glanced up and met my gaze. I started, embarrassed to have been seen looking, even if I wasn’t really looking. He gave me a smirk and very purposefully slid his hand down between Aubrey’s legs. Nice. That was enough for me to reach out and yank the door closed. She was already pissed off at me, what difference did it make? I would want her to do it for me if the roles were reversed.
As I went down the stairs, on my way to go get some groceries for Heath’s apartment, my phone rang in my pocket. I pulled it out and lifted the side of my knit hat so I could put it to my ear. It was an unknown number and I thought it might be Tiffany with a new phone. I hadn’t talked to her in a few weeks and she hadn’t returned my calls. It was starting to worry me.
“Hello?”
“Um, is this Cat?” a girl’s voice asked.