“I hope you never regret that.”
“I won’t.” We walked along the coast, and watched the waves kicking up in angry, foaming caps, colliding violently against the rocks. The snow had stopped, but when I looked up at the sky I knew it was so gray that a genuine blizzard was coming.
Heath was looking at the sky too. “We’re going to have to go back on the next ferry aren’t we? Or we might get stuck here for a few days.”
“Yeah.” I stared at the ocean, troubled. I didn’t want to go back.
“Not that I mind getting stuck but I’m guessing you want to go to classes, right?”
“Yeah.” I didn’t want to ask but… “What happens when we get back?”
“What do you mean?”
I chewed my lip. “With us.” I was almost completely sure he wanted to be with me, but I needed to hear him say it. And I needed reassurance that we could be happy there, with gossiping students eyeballing us.
“Whatever you want, Cat. I know what I want. I want to be with you and everyone else can go f**k themselves.” He wasn’t using a teasing, joking tone. He was serious, expression intense. “But you tell me what happens.”
“I want to be with you, there’s no question of that.” I touched his cheek, then was sorry I did because my gloves were wet. Pulling it off, I used my bare skin to wipe the moisture off his cold cheek. “But maybe we can be, I don’t know, a little discreet for awhile so people don’t get pissed off.”
“You mean Frat Boy?” His jaw set and I suspected he was about to spew a few choice words.
“Aubrey, my sorority sisters, Darla… remember her? There’s no reason we need to just hurt people’s feelings.”
But he just shrugged. “She doesn’t matter to me.”
I stared at him. I knew why he was the way he was. It was a defense mechanism for him because of the way he’d been raised. He’d had to look out for himself and didn’t give his trust easily. But that didn’t make it okay to dismiss other people’s feelings so casually. “Sometimes you can be very cruel. I’m glad that you love me because I think it would be really painful to have feelings for you and not have them returned. You would make me feel stupid for loving you, wouldn’t you?”
Heath scoffed. “I’m cruel? Why should I give a shit about people who don’t give a shit about me? Fakers and users and hanger ons. That’s all they are. Not worth my time or mental energy.” He shook his head. “And you shouldn’t worry so much about what other people think.”
“I don’t want to hurt anyone.”
“Fine. We can be discreet. Or you can be discreet and you can find me when you want to see me.” He started walking towards the house, his strides hard and quick.
“Heath…” I hadn’t meant to make him angry, but I still didn’t think there was any reason to be a bitch and shove my relationship with Heath in Ethan’s face. “I’m not talking about forever, just for a few weeks until everyone has chilled out.”
“I agreed, didn’t I? Don’t keep talking about it, Cat, or I’m going to get annoyed.”
“You’re already annoyed.”
“No. I’m hurt. There’s a big difference.” He bounded up onto the porch and opened the door. He held it open for me, his gaze looking right past me to the yard.
“Hey,” I murmured, coming to a stop in front of him. “Look at me, love.” I took his head with my hands and forced him to look down at me. “We have forever to be together, right? We don’t need to be ass**les to people who probably genuinely care about us. But that doesn’t diminish in any way how I feel, do you understand?”
He nodded, but he was still stony-faced.
“Then smile for me. Show me your dimples.”
“I don’t have dimples.” But he did give me a begrudging half-smile.
“Yes, you do.” I kissed one. “Right here.”
I slipped past him into the house but he pulled me to a stop. I looked back at him in question.
“You make me better, you know that? I’m a f**ked-up human being, but you make me better. Promise me if I don’t make you happy, you’ll toss me aside, no matter how much pressure I put on you. Because even though I can be selfish, all I really want is for you to be happy.”
The smile fell off my face. A chill went through me that had nothing to do with my wet jeans and wet hair. “Are you asking me to break up with you? We’re barely back together.”
“No! No, of course not. But I’m saying if you ever need to, be strong and do it. I don’t want to hold you if you’re not happy.”
“I’m happy.” I knew that his insecurities were rooted in different causes, but ultimately we both had the same fear- that the other would leave. It was my fault for asking for discretion. I should have just directed it that way, without saying it out loud. I’d made him defensive and I felt bad for that. “I thought you might never be in my life and here you are. I’m happy, Heath, believe me.”
“I’m more familiar with living with anger,” he admitted. “I’m not sure I know how to trust happy.”
“You don’t have to trust happy. You just have to trust me.” I laced my fingers through his. “Do you trust me?”
He nodded. “I had to trust guys in the military with my life and this is actually harder. But I trust you.”
“I trust you, too.” I trusted in his love. I trusted in my love. I trusted that if any two people were meant to be together, it was us.
Heath and Cat. Cat and Heath.
Just like I’d written in my diary. Just like our tattoos. I turned his wrist over and traced the infinity symbol etched there. “Endless. Eternal.”
On the ferry on the way back to the mainland we sat together, staring out at the bay, hands tightly clasped. I leaned against Heath, enjoying his strength, his solidness.
The ferry operator watched us. Of course I recognized him, but I wasn’t going to say anything. Eventually, he walked over though and gave us a nod. “Hey. Didn’t expect to see you two here.”
“Hey, Marty.” He’d been one of my brother’s best friends in high school, but he and Brian had had a falling out after Marty’s girlfriend had gotten pregnant and they’d married. I didn’t know the full story. “How are you?”