I stared down at him. “You don’t mean that.”
“No, I actually do.” He gave me a tight, closed smile. “And I would enjoy it.”
Goosebumps rose on my bare skin. “Why are you so angry? You’re freaking me out.”
He tucked my hair behind my ear. “Are you afraid of me, Cat? You said you’d never be afraid of me.”
“I’m not afraid of you. But I don’t like hearing you talk like that. You don’t have any reason to want to hurt Ethan.”
“Yes, I do. How many times has he touched you? How many times did he make you laugh? Did you say you loved him?” His eyes were glassy, his hand shaking. “And you were going to cut me out of your life because he asked you to.”
His words made me uneasy. “You can’t tell me that you haven’t had sex with anyone in the last four years because I won’t believe you.”
He didn’t answer, his lips pursed.
“That’s what I thought. We can’t erase the past. It is what it is. But you can’t punish me for trying to move on. I’d like to point out for the seven hundredth time I had no clue where you were.”
“I’m sorry. I’m not trying to punish you, I’m really not. But that doesn’t mean I still don’t want to ram my fist into his perfect pretty face.”
“Your face is prettier and perfecter.” No one would ever describe Heath that way. He was too rugged, too brooding.
He knew it because he rolled his eyes.
But I kissed him softly before he could protest. “Now will you please stop talking about Ethan? It’s a buzz kill.”
“Are you drunk?” His words were a little pouty still, but he was clearly making an effort to move on. He ran some strands of my hair over his mouth.
“Yes. On sex and love.”
He rewarded me with a smile. “Then I promise to never mention his name ever again. Because if you’re drunk on sex and love, then I’m f**king wasted.”
Chapter Fourteen
I woke up cold and alone. I wasn’t sure what woke me, but the only light in the room was moonlight, and when I turned, reaching for Heath, I saw he wasn’t there. My twin bed was empty, the cover pulled back where he had climbed out. I sat up straight, looking around, listening to the dark house for any sound of him moving around, going to the bathroom.
Everything was silent.
I knew he couldn’t leave the island without a boat, and not at two in the morning or whatever time it was, but I still felt a blind panic that he was gone. That he’d left me. Again.
Pushing the covers back, I pulled on a pair of yoga pants from my overnight bag and the socks I’d discarded by the bed. I was already up and walking as I put on my sweatshirt, determined to find Heath, my heart racing from both jerking out of sleep and from irrational fear. He wasn’t in the bathroom. I looked in the other bedrooms, including the one he had shared with Brian. If he was sleeping in there, I wasn’t going to lie, I would be hurt. But I did only have a twin bed, so maybe he just really wanted a decent night’s sleep.
But he wasn’t there. He wasn’t in the kitchen or the living room either.
Tripping over the edge of the worn run in the living room, I swore when I stubbed my toe. “Fuck.” I turned the lamp on, narrowing my eyes as the bulb forced my pupils to dilate rapidly. The living room was full of stuff and I could kill myself trying to cross it in the dark.
The front door squeaked open and I jumped at the sudden movement. “Heath?”
His head appeared in the doorway, down low. It was clear he was sitting on the front step. “Hey.” He looked surprised. “What are you doing up? You okay?”
I shook my head, throat suddenly tight. “I woke up and I thought you were gone. I thought you left me.”
His jaw dropped. “Oh, baby, of course not. Jesus. Come here.” He shoved the door open even further and held his hand out to me.
I trudged across the living room, close to tears, feeling stupid and vulnerable and needy. Wiping at my eyes, I sat down in the doorway, leaning on the frame, my knees brushing his arm.
“Why are you way over there? Come here.” He gave me a smile. “Let me hold you.”
“If you wanted to hold me you shouldn’t have gotten out of bed.” It was a truly bratty thing to say, but I felt terrified. I wasn’t sure I could survive if he just strolled out of my life again. Post-sex abandonment, part two.
Heath just stared at me for a second. He was resting his forearms on his knees. “I have insomnia. I didn’t want to wake you up.”
“Why do you have insomnia?” Was he worried about something? That’s the only reason I ever had trouble sleeping. Was he worried about me? Us? Ethan?
“I don’t know. I’ve always had trouble sleeping and being in the service made it worse. We’d go days with very little sleep, then I’d pass out for twelve hours. And sometimes, when I have a lot on my mind, I can’t turn the thoughts off.”
“Is there a lot on your mind?” I patted my still damp eyes with the cuffs of the oversized UMaine sweatshirt I’d put on. My voice sounded sleepy and hoarse.
“Yeah.” He glanced over at me. “See, there’s this girl that I’ve been in love with for a long time and all I ever wanted was to be with her. I was starting to think it wasn’t going to happen but now I think maybe it has, but I’m not really sure what she wants. So I’m plotting ways to kidnap her and keep her here forever.”
Relief made my head sink forward onto my knees. “I started crying because I thought you were gone,” I told him. “I don’t think you need to rope my wrists and duct tape my mouth to keep me with you.”
“Thank God because that sounds exhausting.” He shifted closer to me. “Switch spots with me.”
“What? Why?”
“Sit between my legs and lean against me.”
I wiggled forward, letting him maneuver around behind me. I settled back between his legs, against his chest. I sighed when his arms came around me, enjoying both the warmth and the strength there. “I can hear my dad’s voice,” I murmured. “He’d be bitching at us for having the door open and letting all the heat out.”
Heath gave a short laugh. “Yeah. I can hear that too. Who’s going to pay the heat bill? The heat fairy? I mean, what is the heat fairy?”
“It didn’t exist. That was the point. I wonder who is paying the heat bill, by the way? I can’t believe Brian is.”