“So how are you really?” Katie said to me in a low voice. “This can’t be easy, seeing him again.”
I really didn’t want to talk about this, ever, but Lottie and Katie were looking at me expectantly.
“It’s not easy, but it’s for the best. We decided that we’re going to be friends. That’s all I want.” I could have said a whole lot more, but I was able to shut my mouth.
“Right, friends. And how does Will feel about this?” Katie turned to Lottie, and I was relieved the heat was off me.
Lottie put her hands up.
“Hey, I’m just his twin. I’m not his spokesperson.” That made both Katie and me laugh. “What?”
“You are so full of shit, Lot,” Katie said, shaking her head.
“Whatever. We may have twindar, and all that, but I don’t know what he’s thinking all the time. Plus, he’s a boy. Their brains work differently.”
I couldn’t argue with that and neither could Katie.
Lottie went back to making the soup and Katie started working on dessert; chocolate and peanut butter chip cookies.
Trish arrived with the slam of a door, Max and his blue hair right behind her. He was still a little awkward and shy around the group, but that might have just been his personality. Either way, Trish was the dominant one in their relationship.
Surrounded by couples, I felt out of place and strange. There was a lot of hand holding and longing looks and inside jokes and covert kisses exchanged and it made me ache and avoid looking in Will’s direction. Luckily, there were so many other people around that it was easier to avoid him than it had been in the car.
Plus, Lottie acted as my buffer, always making sure she was sitting between the two of us. It was like having a babysitter, but I let it go. There wasn’t any alternative.
We all ate salsa soup, which turned out to be a sort of vegetarian chili, and fought over the cookies. We called it a night early, since all of us had class the next day, some earlier than others.
I thought everything had gone fine, and I’d gotten out relatively unscarred, but then Will cornered me as I was coming out of the bathroom.
“I have to talk to you.”
4
I couldn’t stand it anymore. Lottie had been staring at me all night, watching me, making sure I didn’t do or say anything to upset Audrey. Not that I would ever purposely try to upset her, but Lottie seemed to think I wasn’t smart enough to have a conversation with her without saying something stupid.
Okay, maybe she knew me too well.
That wasn’t going to stop me from trying to have a civil PRIVATE conversation with Audrey. A private friendly conversation. Between friends.
“What’s up?” she said, flipping hair over her shoulder. I loved it when she did that.
Dude. Focus.
“I just wanted to talk to you.” I’d been running over all the things I was going to say to her for days now, but once I was standing in front of her, every single one of them fell out of my head and it was all I could do to make a complete sentence, let alone make any actual sense.
“Okay. We can talk.”
“As friends.”
“Friends.”
“Because we’re friends now. Right?” Shit, I sounded like an idiot. No wonder she didn’t want to be with me. My hair flopped in my eyes and I raked it back. Audrey had an unreadable expression on her face.
“Yes, we’re friends. Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, what did you need to talk to me about?” Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Lottie coming to break us up, but then Zan was right behind her, saying something in her ear and leading her away.
I started to say something, but I ended up making a choked sound instead.
“I’m sorry. This is definitely awkward now.”
She nodded and a smile ghosted on her lips.
“Yeah, it is. I wish we could just start over.” I’d wished the very same thing.
“Who says we can’t? People start over all the time. Look at all those football players that go on that dancing show and get new careers.” One of her eyebrows went up.
“You watch that show?”
“Just because Lottie likes it. She’s kind of a control freak when it comes to the television,” I said hurriedly. It wasn’t a bad show, really, and it was kind of funny to see these huge football players hoisting girls in a sequined dresses all over the stage.
“But how? How do we start over?” I opened my mouth to answer when I realized I had no idea.
“We just do. ‘Do or do not. There is no try.’” In these difficult times, I always drew on the wisdom of Yoda. Audrey snorted at the Star Wars quote and shook her head.
“Hey, if you’re allowed to quote Harry Potter, I’m allowed to quote Star Wars.”
She nodded.
“I guess and I guess we can start over.”
“Okay then. I’m Will, by the way, nice to meet you,” I said, holding my hand out for her to shake. I hadn’t when we’d first met, but it seemed appropriate now.
“Oh, Will, nice to meet you, I’m Audrey.” We shook hands and let go quickly.
“Is it just me, or was that a little awkward?” I said.
“No, it wasn’t just you. But it’s a start.”
That was all we had to do. Start over.
I stayed late at Lottie and Zan’s. It was partially to avoid going back to the dorm room and having to show the proper level of appreciation of Simon’s new entertainment center and partially because I knew when I went back, my head would go to all those crazy places.
“Okay, Will, what is up with you?” Lottie said as Zan cleaned up the kitchen.
“Audrey and I have decided to start over. So that’s what we’re doing. Clean slate, new beginning. That sort of shit.”
She gave me a look that said she questioned my sanity.
“What else am I supposed to do? This is the only way things can work out now. This is how it has to be.”
Lottie stared at me for a long time, and I knew she was using her twin powers to dig through my mind. Then she grabbed my face and looked deep into my eyes. I remembered doing the same thing to her when she’d told me she was with Zan.
“Stop it, Lot.”
“Sorry, just had to make sure you hadn’t been taken over by an alien species.”
“And why, exactly?” I said as she gave me my face back.
“Because you’ve completely given up. I thought you would at least give it one more shot, but you totally folded.” Now I was getting frustrated.