So I kissed him, but he pushed me away.
“What was that? You say that you don’t want to be together, and then you kiss me. What is going on with you, Aud?” He plucked some confetti from my hair and I pushed his hand away.
“Nothing is going on with me, Will.” Of course, that was a lie. Everything was going on with me. Just that simple touch of my hair, and his shoulder brushing mine, and the tingle left over from his kiss made my entire body hum and want to kiss him again.
“Is it your past? Lottie told me about your ex. But I’m not him. I would never hurt you, Audrey.” He meant it, every word, and I believed him.
“It’s not about my ex. I’m sorry, Will. I’m just so sorry.” I couldn’t hold back the tears anymore, and they spilled over, falling into my dress like raindrops.
“Shh, it’s okay.” Will put his arms around me and pulled me into his chest. He rubbed my back and let me cry into his shirt. I tried not to inhale his scent, but it was impossible not to. All I wanted was sink back on the bed and let him kiss me and make me forget the past, but that wasn’t possible. It couldn’t be forgotten. It wouldn’t.
“I’m so sorry,” I said one more time before I sat up and wiped the rest of the tears from my eyes.
“It’s okay,” Will said, sliding away from me.
It wasn’t.
“I don’t understand this. At all,” Lottie said the next morning as we made breakfast. The girls (and Brady) had stayed in our bedroom and the boys had camped out in the living room. Our parents had threatened to come and check on us in the middle of the night to make sure we were keeping separate sleeping arrangements, and past experiences told me that they wouldn’t hesitate to do so.
It seemed stupid, to keep such a tight leash on us when we were at home, because we could do pretty much whatever we wanted at school and they would never know, but I wasn’t going to point that out.
“Me neither.” I hadn’t gotten any sleep and was still reeling from last night. I’d planned it out in my head and my plan had gone seriously awry.
Lottie was busy whipping a huge batch of eggs together and I was supposed to be working on cutting up fruit, but I was too distracted.
“Did she say anything to you?” I asked Lottie as I jabbed the knife into an apple.
“Are you sure you don’t need any help?” Zan called from the living room.
“No! Mind your own business,” Lottie yelled back. She’d volunteered to make New Year’s breakfast for everyone. And as her twin, I was also roped into helping.
“You’re putting me in a tricky position, William. On the one hand, you’re my twin and I love you and I would never lie to you. But on the other, Audrey is my friend and there is a very strict code about what I can and can’t tell you.”
I didn’t care about twin code, or girl code. I just wanted her to tell me.
“With that said, no, she didn’t say anything. I tried to talk to her, but I let it go. She probably didn’t want to talk to me simply based on the fact that I am your sister. That’s kind of awkward, you have to admit.” I could give her that.
“I know,” I said, pushing down on the knife so it cut the apple in half.
“It just doesn’t make sense, though,” Lottie said, pouring the mass of eggs into two frying pans.
“I know,” I said again. That seemed to be the only thing I could say. Raucous laughter from the living room made us both look up.
“They’d better not be getting into trouble,” Lottie said, craning her neck to try to see into the living room. I thought about telling her that she’d sounded exactly like Mom, but I decided against it.
Breakfast with Audrey was awkward, but there was such a large group that the conversation kept going. I didn’t have to sit next to Audrey, but I could still see her out of the corner of my eye. She looked like she’d gotten about as much sleep as I had.
“The upside of not drinking on New Year’s is no hangover!” Simon said, raising his glass of orange juice. He did have a point.
“Hear, hear!” I said, and raised mine. We kept toasting over and over for stupid reasons. I caught Audrey looking at me several times, but I pretended not to see it.
After Lottie made everyone help her clean up and get our house back in order for our parents’ arrival, everyone started to head back to their respective dwellings. We didn’t have to be back to school for another week, so Lottie and I were staying at home, along with Simon, who had gotten into yet another fight with his parents about being g*y and was temporarily kicked out and crashing on our couch.
Audrey was the last to leave and had been deep in conversation with Lottie in our bedroom.
“It will work out, Will,” Simon said. “You’re the guy who gets the girl. Trust me.” Not right now, I wasn’t. I was the idiot who said he loved a girl and she said “thank you.” Did that actually happen? In addition to it hurting my heart and my pride, it was embarrassing as shit.
“Aw, come on Willy, it’s a new year. Fresh starts, new promise. All that carp.” Simon never swore, but always came up with hilarious alternatives, and that one made me smile a little.
“Ah, there it is. I knew you could smile.” Simon grinned at me and tossed a game controller at me. We blew up a bunch of shit as I waited for Audrey. I had no idea what I was going to say to her, but I’d planned what I was going to say last night and look how that turned out.
Audrey and Lottie finally emerged, just as Simon’s phone rang. I knew who it was just based on the way he said, “Hey.”
“I know . . . I know . . . I miss you too,” he said, his voice changing completely as he paused the game and went to chat with Brady. Jesus, the two of them had seen each other a few hours ago, but they were inseparable. No, I wasn’t jealous. Not at all.
Okay, maybe a little. Or a lot. I was distracted from my jealousy by Lottie giving Audrey a hug and saying something in her ear before leaving, giving me a significant look on her way out. Like I wouldn’t have figured out what she was doing.
“Hey,” Audrey said, sitting on the other end of the couch, as far as she could from me. That was as clear a signal as any. But I was going to play it cool. Or try to.
“Hey,” I said, setting the controller down. My ex had hated the hours I’d “wasted” by gaming, but Audrey had never seemed to mind. She actually joined in sometimes, even though she always got killed within a few minutes. It was cute to see her trying so hard. Guess that was over now.