Everyone else agreed and by the time Stryker and Katie got to the house, most everyone had come up with their resolutions. Audrey’s was to keep her GPA above 3.8, which wasn’t much of a challenge because she’d probably never gone below that. I teased her about it, but she stuck with it.
“Okay, what’s yours?” Honestly? I had no clue. The only thing I wanted to improve was our relationship, and for her to realize how much she meant to me, but that wasn’t really something I could quantify. So I had to come up with something else. Once my sister knew I was struggling, she had to give me her input.
“You should read more. Less gaming, more reading. Or how about no more Star Wars references? Oh, or you have to keep your hair cut?” I shot all of those down.
“There is nothing wrong with my hair,” I said. “You like it, right?” I turned to Audrey, because if she told me to shave my head, I’d be the first one with a razor.
“Nope, nothing wrong with it,” she said, sliding her hand up my neck and tugging a bit on the hair on the back of my neck. I coughed and shifted in my seat. Was it getting hot in here?
“How about keeping your grades up?” Simon suggested. I guess that was as good as anything. It also matched what Audrey was doing.
“Fuck that shit,” I heard Trish mutter under her breath.
Everyone wrote down their goals on the whiteboard and then pooled our money, which totaled over a hundred dollars. I could definitely use the cash.
“Okay, I think we need some music,” Stryker said, finally peeling himself from Katie’s side. “I’ve got everything out in the car.”
“I think that’s our cue to go congregate in the bathroom,” Lottie said, nabbing Trish and Audrey’s arms and jerking her chin at Katie.
“Typical. You want equality, but the minute you might have to lift something, you turn into a delicate female,” I said, knocking Lottie’s hat to the side. She snatched at my finger and glared at me.
“Do that again and I will murder you with my twindar. You know I can do it.” I never underestimated my sister. I also didn’t underestimate the strange twin connection we had. I couldn’t explain it, exactly, other than saying it was magic, which sounded ridiculous. Lottie would probably like that, seeing as how she had a Harry Potter obsession. But then, so did Audrey and I would never mock something that she liked.
God, I was whipped.
The males got out the instruments as the females did whatever they did in the bathroom. Even living with a girl hadn’t clued me in to the mystery of what groups of girls did in the bathroom together.
Stryker got his banjo going, along with Zan on his own, Trish on the guitar and Katie singing. It was a New Year’s Hootenanny. Audrey curled into my side and I couldn’t keep my hands off her hair.
“Hey,” I said in her ear as the group started singing Mumford and Sons’ “Little Lion Man.”
“Hey,” she said back, looking at me. I put my hand under her chin and pulled her mouth toward mine. It had been far too long since I’d kissed her; I’d backed off because I thought that was what she wanted. But her lips were warm and yielding and she tasted like sparkling champagne with an undertone of vanilla.
It was too bad there were so many people around, since something hit the side of my face only a few seconds into the kiss. I turned around to glare at my twin.
“No sucking face until after midnight,” Lottie said.
“You little hypocrite! You’ve been attached to Zan’s lips plenty of times tonight.” She definitely had. There were so many couples here that the kissing was almost constant.
“Hey now. This is a night about love. If somebody wants to express it, then I’m all for it,” Simon said, and Brady gazed at him adoringly. Those two were something else. I’d never seen Simon so gone on anyone, and it was a little bit of an adjustment, but Brady was cool and I was glad Simon was happy. Finally.
“Hear, hear!” Stryker said, raising his glass. Lots of toasting followed and then Lottie turned on the television so we could watch the party in New York City. The pizza finally arrived and we all ate and drank and were merry. The night would have been better with a beer, but you couldn’t have everything.
As the clock ticked closer to midnight, we got our handfuls of confetti, poppers and noisemakers ready to ring in the New Year.
I held Audrey close and instead of watching the glittering ball fall in New York, I watched her face.
“Three, two, one, Happy New Year!” We yelled in unison and Audrey turned toward me for the traditional kiss. I wanted to linger on her mouth, but I had something more important to do. Holding her face, I gazed into her eyes and smiled.
“I love you,” I said. “I love you.”
As soon as I kissed him, I knew he was going to say it. I’d known for a while that he was going to tell me he loved me. Will might have thought he’d been subtle, but he was about as subtle as a slap in the face. He was sweet, though. So sweet it broke my heart.
Will was . . . good. Will was good the way reading a book on a rainy day was good. He was good the way pancakes eaten in bed with syrup running down your chin were good.
He was too good for me.
His wide blue eyes looked at me as if I was the most wonderful thing he’d ever seen. His attention had been awkward at first. Fumbling. But even that was cute and endearing. As much as I’d tried to fight it, he’d worn me down and before I knew what was happening, I was falling for him. But falling made me think of traveling downward, when being with Will made me feel like I was floating on a cloud, boosted by his smile and his bad jokes, and the way his hair fell in his face.
But it wasn’t meant to be, no matter how much I wanted it. So when he said he loved me, I couldn’t say it back. No, I could only say, “Thank you.”
He blinked and the glow of happiness he’d had when he told me faded, like blowing out a candle flame.
“Thank you?” he repeated. That was the best response I’d come up with, but it was still terrible. Inadequate. I might as well have punched him in the face.
Confetti fell all around us, getting stuck in his hair and dusting his shoulders. It was probably all over me too. Everyone around us was cheering and embracing and excited. But Will . . . sweet Will.
“I’m . . . I’m so sorry, Will,” I said and I couldn’t handle him looking at me anymore. I fled to Lottie’s room so he wouldn’t see me cry.
Happy New Year.