“I know that you probably hate me right now, and you probably never want to see me again, but I’d really like it if we could be friends. I like hanging out with you and I don’t want things to be weird with Lottie. Do you think we might be able to do that?” I didn’t like the way she was talking to me. Like I was a child or something. I also hated what she was saying. That she’d decided how our relationship was going to be now. Without even consulting me or giving me a reason why.
I wanted to get up and kiss her. Or yell at her. Or make her tell me why the hell we couldn’t be together.
I did none of those things. She’d hurt me last night, more than I’d ever tell anyone, but my fear of losing her altogether overwhelmed that hurt. If I couldn’t have her, at least being near her was the next best thing. It would have to be enough.
“I don’t hate you, Audrey. And I’d like to be friends.” I put out my hand for her to shake, because it seemed like we needed to seal this somehow.
“Oh. Good. Friends then.” She shook my hand for only a second, and then she turned away, like she didn’t want me to see her face. Was she crying?
I did not understand Audrey Valdez.
I’d explained to Lottie, to the best of my ability, why I couldn’t date Will.
“I get what you’re saying, and I know where you’re coming from, believe me, but if I’ve learned anything from the situation with Zan, it’s that the things you think stand in your way aren’t real. They weren’t for me anyway. And the other thing I learned? Love will bite you on the ass when you least expect it and there’s nothing you can do. You have to hold on and let it.” She made it sound so easy. It had been easy with Will.
“Just tell me you’ll think about it,” Lottie said, giving me a hug. I couldn’t believe that she was taking my rejection of her brother so well. Will had taken it much better than I thought he would, too. We could go back to just being friends. I couldn’t lose him altogether any more than I could lose Lottie. They didn’t need me, but I needed them. More than they would ever know.
My hands shook as I pulled out of their driveway and headed back home. It was a two-hour drive, but I had a lot to think about during those hours.
I hadn’t really told Mom about Will. Not specifically. I said that I had some friends, but never named them, and she didn’t ask. That wasn’t unusual. We barely spoke these days.
Only my sixteen-year-old brother Marco was home when I got back, and he was sacked out on the couch, his hand in a bag of chips.
“Where’s Mom and Dad?” I asked when he just sort of waved at me in greeting, not taking his eyes from the television screen. His excuse for watching so much television was that he wanted to be a movie director, but he never actually did anything to reach that goal other than watch movies constantly. Unlike my sister, Angel, who had married a man who owned an organic farm and had moved to the middle of nowhere to raise fainting goats and chickens and grow apples. We rarely saw her, because she couldn’t leave the farm that often.
“Out. I don’t know. They left a note in the kitchen.” I couldn’t find the supposed note, and it didn’t really matter. I dropped my stuff back in my room and went to take my first shower of the new year. If only it could wash away the guilt that coursed through my veins.
I’d had to rush out the door of Lottie and Will’s so he wouldn’t see me cry. That would be my downfall. If he saw me cry, then I would have fallen apart and taken it all back.
No, this was for the best.
I finished my shower and got dressed before venturing into the kitchen for an apple and some cheese. I didn’t really feel like eating, but I needed something to do.
I sat down next to Marco and reached for the bag of chips, but he growled at me. I smacked him on the shoulder and took the bag anyway.
“What is your problem? It’s all crumbs anyway.” I took the bag and tossed it away and brought him a fresh one. Marco had the metabolism of an athlete without actually exercising. No matter what he ate, he maintained a trim figure. My body would definitely not stay slim on his diet.
“What are we watching?” He shushed me and turned up the volume.
Judging by the dialogue, it was a Tarantino flick. It only took me watching for thirty seconds to realize it was Pulp Fiction. Again. He’d seen this a million times already. I’d seen it a million times already, but I needed something to focus my mind on instead of Will’s heartbroken face when I’d crushed him last night, or technically it was this morning.
I nibbled my snack and watched the movie play in front of me, but I couldn’t shut out the image of the hurt in Will’s eyes.
If only I’d listened to my instincts and ended it sooner. I’d spent the past few weeks pulling away from him, thinking that the relationship would die on its own and I wouldn’t have to do anything to hasten its demise.
I’d underestimated Will’s affection for me. Completely. He’d been so excited on Christmas, even though we couldn’t spend it together. I’d gotten him a gift card because I thought it was a platonic enough present, but at the last minute, I’d found a framed Star Wars poster when I’d been looking for a present for my brother and I had to get it for him.
We’d agreed to wait to exchange presents in person, so he and Lottie had met me halfway between our houses at a restaurant. Carrying the poster in had been extremely embarrassing, but when Will had opened it, he’d been so happy that I could barely stand it.
And then he’d given me my gift. When he’d handed me an envelope, I’d assumed that he’d taken the easy road and gotten me a gift card. That was what I was hoping for.
The card had been sweet and funny, but what was in the card made me gasp.
“Two tickets to Universal Studios, and two open-ended plane tickets. Since I can’t bring Hogwarts to you, I’m bringing you to Hogwarts. Or at least the American version,” he said with the biggest smile I’d ever seen on his face.
I had to put the card down because my hand was shaking so badly.
“You didn’t have to do that Will.” I couldn’t believe he’d done that.
“I know I didn’t have to, but I wanted to. You’re always talking about how much you’ve been dying to go, and I thought this was something we could do together. Just the two of us.” He reached for my hand and I numbly gave it to him because I didn’t know what else to do.
“If I were you, I’d be screaming and crying. I love you, but I seriously hate you right now,” Lottie said, but she was smiling. Part of me wanted to slide the tickets across the table to her. I couldn’t accept them. Not only because I was lying to Will, but also because they were far too expensive. Their family wasn’t poor, but they certainly weren’t loaded, and putting two kids through college was bound to put a financial strain on anyone.