“I don’t know, but at least you won’t be hurting alone anymore.”
Her eyes are fixed on one spot on the ground, and I’m almost glad I can’t see them. “It wasn’t just the crash. It was everything. Everything about the night, I saw it all. Selena called the ambulance, and I stayed by the crushed car watching my brother die and begging him not to leave me. I watched them revive him at the scene and bundle him into the ambulance. Then in the hospital I watched them try and fail to bring him back to life for a second time. The whole time I was begging him not to leave me, not to die. I bargained and I bartered with an invisible entity to save him, to not let him go. And I was alone the whole time. He died before Mom and Dad got to the hospital. His last moments were mine. Just mine. That night was so much more than watching the crash. Do you get that now? It was so much f**king more! I watched my brother die – die! – right in front of me, and there wasn’t a single freaking thing I could do about it!”
Tears stream from her eyes and streak mascara down her cheeks. I wrap my arm around her shoulders and pull her into me, holding her tightly against my chest. Her silent tears turn into body-shaking sobs as she grips my shirt at my back and her knees give way.
As I thread my hand into her hair and turn her face into my neck, it feels as if everything stops. Nature stills as she cries for what I’m guessing is the first real time since he died, her noises of heartbreak the only sounds around us. The only thing I know is her trembling body tucked into my arms and the tears soaking into my shirt, the cries from her mouth and the tightness of her fingers as they hold onto me.
And I understand why she does what she does. She holds so much pain, so much guilt and so much anguish in her tiny little body it’s a wonder she hasn’t broken by now. But there’s nothing I can do.
Nothing except hold her. So that’s what I do.
I hold her to me and sit down with my back against the tree she was just leaning against. Her knees go either side of my hips and she nestles into me, never letting go as the tears keep falling. I bury my face in her hair, feeling my own tears in the back of my eyes for the loss of the person we both loved.
Because I did. I loved Cam as more than just my friend. I loved him as my brother, my go-to guy, my partner in crime. If guys could have guy soul mates, he was mine. I know my own pain and I feel it every day. I feel it everywhere, but what I feel is nothing compared to what Roxy feels.
And this is what she needs. She needs to remember and cry and hold onto someone who’ll never let her hurt without hurting too.
She releases my shirt and wraps her arms around my neck, hiding her face in the crook between my neck and shoulder. My own arm goes tighter around her waist and pulls her closer to me.
The closer she is to me and the longer I hold her, the longer I hold her trembling, sobbing body to me, the more a part of me begins to accept the fact there’s so much more than just Cam between us.
Chapter Nine – Roxy
“He’s driving too fast.” I’d looked at Selena, worry snaking its way through my body. I knew Stu had drunk more than the legal limit – that’s why I’d tried getting Cam in with us.
“Call Cam. Get him to tell Stu to slow down,” she replied, pressing down on the accelerator to keep Stu’s Honda in sight.
The repetitive ring buzzed in my ear as I called my brother. My teeth dug into my lip, peeling the top layer of skin away.
“What?”
“He’s going too fast, Cam. He’s too drunk to be driving like that. Get him to slow down.” I tried to keep my apprehension and nerves tucked away, but there was no fooling him. There never was.
“Rox.” Cam laughed. “Don’t worry. Stu isn’t that drunk. He’s in total control. Chill out, yeah?”
“Cam, I…”
The glare of the headlights coming toward us cut through the night sharply. Stu’s car swerved on the tight country road as he tried to avoid the oncoming car, but the line went dead at the same time a scream left my body and Selena slammed on her breaks. The blue Honda’s tires screeched against the uneven surface, skidding and spinning as Stu did his best to regain control of his car. The other car with his too-bright headlights went sideways into the bushes, the engine cutting.
I watched in horror as Stu’s car slid head on into a tree. The front of the car crushed against the broad, sturdy trunk, and steam billowed out from under the hood on impact.
“Cam! Caaaaaaaam!” My scream broke the momentary silence. I fell out of Selena’s car in my rush to get to him, to my brother, to make sure he was safe. Fuck the car. I just needed to know he was okay.
I yanked open the passenger side door. Cam was leaning forward, blood pouring from a cut on his head. His airbag hadn’t expelled, and he had grazes and cuts all over his face. One of his hands was pressed tightly against his stomach with his fingers curled into his shirt.
“Cam? Oh, God. Cam, Cam. Can you hear me?” I touched his face frantically, slapping his cheeks and pinching his nose as tears streamed down my face. “Wake up, Cam. Tell me to shut up. For God sake, wake up!”
He didn’t. He sat silently, his chest twitching erratically in place of a rhythmic rise and fall. Nothing else mattered in that moment. I just needed to know he was okay, that he was alive. That Stu’s stupid, drunk driving hadn’t seriously hurt the most important person in my life.
It felt like an age before I heard the wail of sirens and the pulsing blue lights. But still I refused to move. My hands were wrapped tightly around Cam’s, talking gibberish I knew would annoy him. I just needed him to tell me to shut the hell up. That was all I cared about.
“Miss, please come with me,” a voice said from behind me.
I shrugged hands off my shoulders. “No. I can’t leave my brother. I need to make sure he’s okay. I have to.”
“The paramedics can’t get to him with you sitting here. We’ll just go a few meters away. You’ll still be able to see the car,” the same voice said softly. I allowed them to pull me back from Cam, my eyes never leaving his still form. “Are you hurt?”
I shook my head. “No. I was in my friend’s car.” I move my eyes to the woman police officer guiding me toward her car. “He’ll be okay? My brother?”
“I don’t know anything until the paramedics have examined him. I’m sorry.” She sits me in the back seat. “Why don’t you tell me your details, and we can have your parents meet us at the hospital?”