“Pfffft.” Selena pours a cup of coffee, and I grin.
“Behave yourself, you two,” I shoot at the twins as I stroll toward the door. They both turn to me and their eyes twinkle when they see Kyle on my heels.
“We’ll say the same to you two,” they say in unison with a giggle.
They get worse.
Kyle holds the door open and we walk through. “What are we doing?” I ask him.
“Wanna go up to the gorge?”
“Just us?”
He turns to me, smirking. “Who else?”
I shrug and walk to his car. I hear him laugh behind me, and he approaches me.
“Why, Hughes,” he murmurs into my ear. “Are you nervous around me?”
Yes.
“Don’t be f**king stupid, Daniels.” I shove him away from me. “Let’s go before I change my mind.”
“Why would you change your mind?”
“Not because I’m nervous around you, that’s for sure.”
He laughs again. Damn him. I am nervous around him. It’s a feeling I’m not used to. I’m used to knowing what’s going to happen but Kyle keeps me guessing. I’m used to being in control but I’m not around him. He makes me lose control. I love it and hate it at the same time.
The car is suffocating as we drive toward the gorge. I train my eyes on the passenger side window and watch the wooded areas I’ve grown up in pass me by. I try to name all the flowers I see in an extreme attempt to distract myself from Kyle but it isn’t working.
I can’t stop thinking about kissing him last night. How his hand felt twined in my hair, how his body felt pressed up against mine and how his lips covered mine. I felt every single touch down to my bones. I still do. I can still feel the burning of my skin when he touched me.
The air is cooler out here, and it’s a relief to get out of the car and walk through the trees. It’s a relief to be here, hiding. Even if the person I know I need to hide the most from is right behind me.
“Why do you always pick the jerks?”
I stop and rest my hand against a tree. “What do you mean?”
“The guys I see you with every weekend. They’re all ass**les, Rox. You’re not blind or stupid. You know they are.”
“I know.”
“So why do you go for them?”
“Because they don’t expect any more than I’m willing to give.”
“Which is a quick f**k.”
His words sting. But they’re the truth. “Yep.”
The ground crunches under his feet as he walks over to me. “Why? Why don’t you find a nice guy?”
I turn and meet his gaze. “Because they want more from me than I can give.”
“Like what?”
“A relationship.”
Kyle stops right in front of me and puts his hand next to mine on the tree. “Why can’t you give them that?”
Because they’re not you.
“I just can’t. I go for the jackasses because they don’t care if I play them. They’re looking for what I am; something that doesn’t mean anything. It’s easy. Simple. I can f**k them over and they don’t give a shit.”
“So why did you kiss me last night?”
I was drunk. I don’t know. I was drunk. I don’t know.
Great. I can’t think of more than two excuses and even then they’re both crap.
I swallow instead of saying anything.
“Well?” he prompts. “Last time I checked, I wasn’t a jerk.”
“Depends who you ask.”
He raises his eyebrows. “Am I a jerk?”
“No.” I sigh. “You’re not.”
“So I’ll ask you again. Why did you kiss me last night if you only kiss jerks?”
I narrow my eyes at him. “Why did you kiss me?”
“For the same reason I’m about to again. Because I want to.” He bends his head and presses his lips to mine before I can respond.
It feels the same as last night but so different.
This is sweeter. Every brush of his lips against mine feels like he’s tasting me and savoring me. It feels like he’s using each touch to memorize the feel of my mouth on his. It’s not hard and it’s not soft.
This kiss is as raw as the one last night, but in different ways. Last night was an explosion of pure need. This is a wave of emotion full of honesty and sincerity.
“Why?” I whisper.
Kyle pushes my hair from my face and cups the side of my head, his thumb brushing over my cheek. “Because someone has to show you you’re worth more than you’ve made yourself believe. And it’s hard enough not to punch every guy that touches you without letting someone else kiss you that way.”
“Why, Kyle Daniels, are you jealous?”
“Yes.”
His answer shocks me. It’s the way he said it so simply, like I should have known – like I shouldn’t have had to ask at all.
“Why?”
He runs his fingers through to the ends of my hair and steps back. “I don’t know why. Just like you don’t know why you can’t give a nice guy a relationship.”
Ouch. I deserve that.
I drop onto the ground next to him. “So you came into the café for us to find out I can’t give a nice guy a relationship, and you’re jealous of any guy who kisses me.”
“Apparently so.”
“You know why you’re jealous.” I look at the floor.
“And you know why you can’t give a nice guy a relationship.”
“We’re not talking generalizations now, are we?”
“No,” he replies quietly.
I look at the gorge running past in front of us. The water is quick, crashing against the small rocks breaking its path. It’s almost as if the water knows exactly where its heading before it hits the rock and veers off in that direction, leaving the smaller, more indecisive water drops to smash into the rock. It’s a head on collision, a wreck.
The way Cam’s life ended. The way mine is heading.
Difference is, I’m in control of mine.
He wasn’t.
“I don’t want to talk about this anymore.” My voice is quiet, almost drowned out by the gorge. “Can you take me home?”
“In a minute.” Kyle turns to me and twists his body toward mine.
“Wh—”
He pulls my face toward his again. I know I should push him away – I should cut everything here. I should get up and demand he takes me home right this f**king second.