The one thing I’d failed to do.
Keep him alive.
When we got to the hospital they had already been notified, they moved Demetri into a surgical room. I tried to follow but was again restrained.
A man I’d seen once in my life — Mrs. Murray’s husband, took one look at me then one look at Demetri and yelled. “I’m scrubbing in.”
“You’ve been up for twenty-four hours,” a man shouted.
“I’m scrubbing in. Don’t make me repeat myself.”
“Yes Doctor,” the same man yelled back.
Mr. Murray gripped my shoulders. “It’s going to be fine. Alright? It’s fine. You need to be strong, can you do that?”
I nodded, feeling a bit sick.
“Water.” He pointed to the waiting room. “Go get some water and sit down.”
Legs shaking, I walked over to the waiting room, just in time to see Nat fly by me and fall into her dad’s arms sobbing.
“Don’t let him die, just don’t let him…” She fell to the ground. Her dad nodded and ran off in the direction of the room.
“Nat?” Her mom helped her to her feet and then my arms were around her. She rubbed my back, my neck, and just held me. It was what I needed. It was my sanity during those moments.
After we held each other for a few minutes, I whispered in a shaky voice. “We should go sit down.”
Nat nodded.
Shit. Just another reason for her to hate me, for me to hate me.
I trained my eyes on the door. On the other side of that door my brother was fighting for his life, so I tried to give him strength in the only way I knew how. By not crying, but not freaking out, and by waiting… patiently like Dr. Murray had said to do.
“He’s going to be okay.” Nat squeezed my hand; I barely felt it.
“Alec,” Nat asked, “Is there anyone I need to call?”
Slowly, I shook my head, “I don’t know, I can’t think right now…”
“Your manager? Agent? Someone to handle the media?”
“Crap.” I looked away from the doors. “Nat, I don’t think I can do it, I can’t—” My voice cracked.
“Give me your phone.” She held out her hand.
I dug into my pocket and handed her the phone. I told her my agent’s name, my publicist’s name, everything. She called and I listened to her tell them the story, repeating it three times before finally pressing end.
When she was finished, some of the anxiety lifted. Nat hugged me and gripped my hand tighter. “Is there anything else I can do?”
I relaxed a bit and offered a pathetic smile. “Honestly Nat, you’ve gone above and beyond the call of duty. Just sit by me. That helps.” It was the only thing that helped. The only thing that was keeping me from falling to the ground and weeping.
“I love you.”
I couldn’t find my voice for a few seconds and when I did, I used the last strength I possessed to whisper, “I love you too, Nat.”
CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
Alec
THE NEXT TWO hours passed in a blur. Finally, Dr. Murray came out of the operating room and gave us good news.
But it fell on deaf ears.
I was relieved.
But the guilt still remained.
“It’s my fault.” Nat whispered when her dad walked away.
“No.” I jerked away from her and glared. “Don’t even think about blaming yourself for this! We all go through crap, Nat. That’s life. It’s how you react to it that defines the person you grow into.”
“Wise words from a nineteen year old. I wonder if you listen to your own advice?”
Ah, well played. I was completely caught.
“My situation is different, believe me. What I did, it was unforgiveable. I’m lucky my brother still talks to me.”
“It’s not different,” she argued.
“The hell it isn’t!” I yelled, finally losing complete control of my emotions.
“Fine,” Nat snapped. “How is it different? How is what you did any different?”
“I caused this!” I bolted from my seat and began pacing in front of her. “Do you even know the type of guy Demetri was before all this? Innocent little virgin who wouldn’t even touch alcohol if someone paid him to! I protected him from everything and—”
I stopped talking, I couldn’t… I just couldn’t.
“You sheltered him so much that he never learned how to deal with stuff on his own,” Nat spoke softly though her voice held an air of authority I hadn’t heard from her before. “Alec—” She got up and walked towards me. “You were the older brother. Yes, it was your job to protect him. But…” She shrugged. “Sometimes you gotta let people take the hit. How do you think a quarterback learns how to deal with the fear of getting hit?”
I snorted and looked away. Damn smart metaphor. “He gets the crap beat out of him at practice.”
“Exactly.” She reached up and lightly brushed my forehead. “Alec, you tried to protect Demetri from everything, and the minute things took a turn for the worse, how did he cope with it?”
“He didn’t.” Hell, did he even KNOW the meaning of the word. Oh right. Coping to him was another word for weed.
“So, then you tried harder, you changed your whole life, you coddled him even more, removed him from your old lifestyle, put him in counseling, tried to fix him, and then something else happened, and what was his reaction?”
I sighed in defeat. “The same as before, only this time he nearly killed himself.”
“Alright then.” Nat wrapped her hands around my neck, pulling my head closer to hers. “I know I’m not perfect and we both know you aren’t.”
I laughed out loud. Scaring the shit out of myself. How could I go from being ready to fall to pieces to laughing? Oh, right because I had Nat and she was a freaking angel. Never. Letting. Her. Go. Ever. Never. Ever.
“But, Demetri needs to grow up. He needs to learn, and hopefully this will be the start of that.”
Alec sighed. “You’re right.”
“I’m what?” She sounded genuinely shocked.
Glaring, I pushed her away and laughed again. “Don’t push it, Nat.”
“Alec?” A small nurse approached. “You can see your brother now. He’s in ICU, but he’s stable. I’m sure the doctor has informed you that he’s in a medically induced coma, but you can still talk to him.”