“I CAME HOME early to see Nat.” My first lie.
Tears streamed down that gorgeous girl’s face. I was the cause of them, me and my ass hole of a brother.
Alec and I stared at one another. Neither of us willing to say anything. I liked watching Alec struggle, but only as much as I liked stabbing myself in the foot, after all we were brothers, no matter what, when he hurt I hurt.
“I lost my phone,” I said glancing at Nat. “Some Hollywood starlet was irritated that a nobody was texting me.” The second lie fell easier from my lips. I hadn’t lost my phone. Nor was it broken. It was in my damn back pocket where it had been for the past week, receiving her texts but not sending any out.
I was stuck.
In limbo.
I felt like Nat was a lifeline — but the type of lifeline that if I took her, if I allowed her to help me, I would never really escape the drowning — just prolong the inevitable. That didn’t make letting my brother have her any easier.
I shouldn’t have lied, but I hated seeing her sad.
I didn’t want her to think I was ignoring her… I didn’t want her to know how weak I was, that I was so freaking weak that I did nothing but scroll through those text messages until I fell asleep with my phone in my hands.
They kept me from taking more drugs when I wanted them. They kept me from jumping from that hotel building. They kept me from sleeping with random chicks. But it couldn’t always be Nat. It couldn’t always be Alec.
Damn. I was just — lost and making everything worse.
With a cry Nat beat her hands against Alec’s chest, shoving him against the wall and then ran out of the house. He cursed and chased after her.
The screen door slammed behind him.
I went over to the window and looked out. His hands were flying all over the place, Nat pushed him again, and then she cried harder.
Every part of my body screamed for me to go after both of them, to apologize until my voice was hoarse.
But… I was Demetri Daniels. Action was never my thing… no I hid. I took drugs and I hid. So when Alec reached over and cupped her face —
I slipped a pill in my mouth, crushing it between my teeth and letting the bitterness of it cleanse me.
They’d figure it out.
He’d tell her the truth.
And she’d tell us to go to hell.
I sat on the couch and turned on the TV. Alec’s footsteps neared behind me, and then something smacked me in the head.
“What the hell?” I jumped to my feet. “Did you just hit me?”
“Yes!” Alec roared. “You cheated then you lied about it, you deserve to be strangled!”
“I didn’t cheat,” I grumbled, “It was for the cameras, you know as much as I do what the media does.”
Alec relaxed a bit. “And your phone?”
I pulled it out. “Surprise.”
He was quiet for a few minutes then said, “I just don’t get you. Why make it so hard on yourself? You do realize you’re your own worst enemy right? You could be with the girl you love, kissing her, holding her hand, but instead you let her believe the worst? Why, Demetri? Why?”
I licked my lips and looked back at the TV. “Because I don’t deserve her man.”
Alec sat next to me on the couch. “And you think I do?”
“I know you don’t.” I sighed.
“Demetri…”
“I’m messed up…” I wrung my hands together. “I need… something. I need help or something. I don’t know. I’m just… Alec, I’m not well.”
My brother’s eyes went hard as he glanced at my face, his eyes focusing in on my pupils. They were probably so small he was having a hard time finding them. “You’re high.”
“Yeah.”
“All week?”
“Here and there.” I sighed. “I think” — I shrugged again — “I think I’m going to leave you here, with her, you guys can go be happy do your thing, whatever. I just… I don’t know. I need to fix me and I can’t do that when I’m constantly trying to be you.”
“Demetri—”
“Stop.” I choked on the word. “It’s true. I’ve looked up to you my whole life and then when everything happened last year you just… got better and you left me. All of a sudden you weren’t partying, you weren’t using, you weren’t doing anything that you used to say was totally fine. You abandoned me.”
Alec’s eyes narrowed. “So you’re pissed I don’t do drugs with you? Is that what this is about?”
“No.” I stood and started pacing in front of him. “I’m pissed you introduced me to them in the first place. I’m pissed that while you’ve made a mess of my life and yours — that in the end you still get the girl. I’m angry as hell that I still crave pills, I still crave pot, and you’re happy as a clam. I’m pissed because you left me in the pit of hell and I have no way of getting out.”
“Demetri…”
“I gotta run. I may stay at a hotel tonight or something, whatever, I’ll have my cell.”
I ran out of the house and got into my car, then slammed my hands against the wheel until the pain was so fierce that I wanted to cry.
The problem.
I was still in the dark.
And Alec deserved to be there with me — instead, the sun was shining on his face, and God had gifted him with an angel.
Life wasn’t fair.
And suddenly I wanted to drive off a cliff.
CHAPTER THIRTY
Alec
I WAS OFFICIALLY breaking the law. I climbed into Nat’s window and stumbled a bit before catching my balance. Everything was blanketed in black. Making it from the window to her bed was like trying to walk through a mine field. Clothes were everywhere and I could have sworn I just stepped on a stuffed bear that talked, though I couldn’t be sure because its battery was clearly dying, meaning it just made a really creepy hoarse noise that I’m sure will come back to haunt me one day when I’m alone in my house.
Note to self, hide bear in Demetri’s room.
If he ever comes back.
Emotion clogged my throat. He was right about way too many things. How was it fair that I came out smelling like roses and he was stuck?
I just, I didn’t know how to unstick him.
With a muffled curse, I finally sat on Nat’s bed. She didn’t say anything; she barely even stirred. I wrapped my arms around her and lay down.
My eyes were so heavy with sleep that I didn’t even realize I’d fallen asleep until the sun started piercing through the window.