We sent her into rehab. Our little boy, whom I never met, went to his grandma’s. The next we heard from her, she was released from rehab and sounded really happy. I apologized again and told her how sorry I was. She and Demetri talked on the phone and got in a fight. She, um… She went to pick up Benjamin and was hit in a head on collision. She went the wrong way on the freeway.”
Nat closed her eyes. Her voice shook as she spoke, “So the canceled concert tour this year? The time off?”
“Grief counseling and addiction.”
“Addiction?”
“Not me, Nat.” I bit my lip. “I don’t touch the stuff. I don’t touch anything. It ruined a part of me that I don’t think I’ll ever get back. The addiction? That would be my brother’s. Also my fault.”
“He makes his own choices. It’s not your fault.” Why the hell was she defending me?
I laughed bitterly, “Yeah, I think it is, Nat. It was all me. I was the partier, the wild one. I never got in trouble. I never had any consequences. Somehow, I got lucky, and for some reason I never felt addicted. I just liked the feeling drugs gave me. That was not the case with Demetri.”
“Is he on drugs now?”
“I don’t know. He’s drinking heavily again, that much is clear. Nat…” I licked my lips. “You don’t have to stay. You can go.” I was trying like hell to hold back tears. “I kill everything I touch. It’s like I’m poison.”
“No!” She reached for me but I jerked back. I didn’t want to taint her, to bring black to what was so white. She reached for me again and pulled my body into her arms, the console kept us from being closer. Which was probably a good thing considering I would have sobbed in her lap like a baby had I had the opportunity to actually make it to her side of the car.
“Alec, look at me.” I choked tears back, fought with every shred of dignity I had to keep from losing my shit, “What you did was messed up. I’m not going to deny it. Nor am I going to say that I’m not seriously tempted to jump out of this car and run away from you, but I love you. I love who you are now. The man you are now. If those things wouldn’t have happened to you, who knows where you would be?”
My entire body trembled. “Nat, you have to know. I’m not that guy anymore. I don’t even know who that guy was, I just—”
Her kiss was forceful and pleading. Nat wrapped her hands around my shoulders, jerking me closer to her. My tongue reached out, licking her lower lip then dove slowly into her mouth. Her taste was an addiction in and of itself — if I was being completely honest, just being with her made everything fade into the darkness. I was able to store the pain, because she made me feel like it didn’t exist. I was desperate for her.
“Nat—” I groaned against her mouth, my hands gripping her shoulders as I pushed her tenderly away. “I love you so much, you know that right? I would never do anything to hurt you.”
“I know.”
Rain began to fall, sounding like a loud applause. Good timing. Nat smirked. “Race you to the house?”
That was it. After everything, she was going to forgive me? Love me? It was too good to be true. I instantly relaxed. “Yeah, Nat, race you to the house.”
She beat me. Then again I let her. It wasn’t about winning; hell I’d already won.
When I reached her, I started laughing; she looked like a drowned rat. Drenched from head to toe, she leaned towards me. I traced her face with my fingers. “You’re so beautiful, Nat.”
She winked then rose to her tiptoes expectantly. Mine. She was finally mine. I chuckled and lifted her off the ground for a kiss and crushed my lips against her mouth.
“Get a room or something,” Demetri grumbled pushing past us, he wasn’t even walking in a straight line.
Shit! I set Nat on her feet and reached for my brother. He wasn’t well. Not at all. “Where the hell do you think you’re going?”
“Out!” Demetri stumbled to his car and threw open the door. The wind picked up, whipping it across my face.
“The hell you are!” I ran toward the car and tried to jerk the door open, but Demetri locked the doors and slammed the car into drive. “Demetri! Don’t!” I yelled so much my voice was hoarse.
The Mercedes peeled out of the driveway and took off, almost hitting a few mailboxes on the way.
“Damn it!” Panicked, I kicked the ground then ran to my side of the SUV and quickly jumped in. “Get in, Nat.”
She didn’t need to be told twice.
I only had an idea of the direction he went. I didn’t want to call him, lest he be idiot enough to answer it and actually get himself killed.
“Stupid! Why is he so stupid?” I slammed the steering wheel. “I want to hate him! Damn it!” Sirens blared in the distance.
I didn’t make the connection.
Minutes later, we pulled around the corner.
“Alec, pull over!”
“I can’t, Nat! I have to find Demetri, I have to—” The words died on my lips as my eyes fell on the accident ahead of us.
My world tilted, fell off its little pedestal, and shattered.
I’d just killed someone.
But not just anyone.
My brother.
“No.” I shook my head and pulled into a spot across the street. “No.” I slammed the car door and ran at top speed towards the paramedics as they carried the stretcher to the ambulance. Blood was everywhere. Demetri moaned. I started cussing and pushing at the cops as they pulled me away from a paramedic. Holy shit I was going to punch the guy if he didn’t let me see Demetri.
I fought against the cops for what felt like hours as someone pushed against Demetri’s chest.
More blood.
My knees gave way. I kept shouting but it was like I was watching myself react, not actually experiencing it.
Nat wrapped her arms around my waist, and then I saw Mrs. Murray. She hugged me too and I burst into tears.
“Are you his brother?” one of the paramedics asked.
“Yes,” Nat answered for me.
“If you’re riding with us, we need to go now.” He jumped into the ambulance. I looked to Nat as if waiting for her permission.
“Go!” She pushed me towards the doors. “We’ll follow.”
I was relieved she was able to make the decision for me. I tossed her my keys and prayed Demetri would be okay as I watched the paramedics work on him — doing things I didn’t understand, keeping him alive.