Ryan nodded. “Makes sense.”
Declan started to pace, glancing over at me every few seconds. “Bloss injures herself when she uses her power. Her skin slices open.”
Ryan started. “Yes. Like a sword. I thought she’d injured herself in the weapons roo—”
Declan spoke over him, tension mounting in his voice. “Bloss says she can’t control it when she’s threatened.”
Ryan inhaled sharply. “Are you thinking…”
“What happens when the threat is overwhelming? When the threat is something like a dragon? What if no one was cut down? What if they met the dragon … and Knight Lewart—”
Ryan scooped me into his arms. “She’d never do something like that.”
“Not on purpose. No. But this geas, this spell preventing her from speaking, is there for a reason.”
Ryan stroked my hair and held me closer. “I don’t want to believe it.”
“I don’t either. We can never let it get out.”
What? What can’t you let out? Quinn walked in at that moment.
Declan turned to him. “Shut the door.”
Once it was shut, Declan’s mouth became a thin line as he said, “Our princess’s power doesn’t only draw on her own blood. It can draw on those around her when she’s under duress. To the point of death.” He stared into my eyes. “If anyone ever found out, they’d know how to make our Bloss self-destruct.”
Ryan cursed. “And right now, there’s a sarding dragon somewhere on Lady Agatha’s land.”
All eyes turned to stare at me, as though I was a bomb, ready to burst.
I was. I wouldn’t be able to help it. I felt the truth of it in my bones. My magic swelled at the very thought of the monster.
All it would take would be one little spark.
From the mouth of a dragon.
Chapter Twenty
Ryan’s response surprised me more than anyone’s. He immediately swept me down to the library. He started pulling books out and flinging them at Avia, Quinn, and Declan, who’d trailed after us.
“We need to research. I don’t know sarding what—but dragons, magical locks to lock Bloss’s shitefire power—Quinn, why haven’t your people figured out who’s sending this beast yet? Sard!” He cursed and threw a book across the room. It knocked over a candelabra which, luckily, wasn’t lit.
He stomped back over and grabbed me roughly, then pulled me down to sit on his lap. He buried his face in my hair. I rubbed his neck, absently, still in shock.
Just then, Connor walked in.
“What’s going on?”
Declan filled him in. Well, filled him in to the extent that he could, given the geas. He was able to get out more than I would have: he spoke about the dragon, my theory it was after Avia, and the suspicion that Knight Lewart’s death wasn’t from an attack.
“Well then who the hell killed him?”
“What if no one did?”
“What?”
Declan opened and closed his mouth several times. “Accidents happen,” was all he managed.
Connor snorted in disbelief. “Men don’t get sliced to ribbons by accident.” His eyes found mine. I could read the pain in his gaze. My father’s death was nearly as painful for Connor as it was for me.
Lewart had been Connor’s mentor growing up, the one who’d taught him how to work the courtiers, to soothe them and manipulate them all at once. My father had always tried to ensure he used every possible option before he used his peace power.
My mother had thought that was the reason he’d died. He hadn’t used his power enough to gain control over it. Thus, my endless tests, the constant pushing, the padded sleeves on my dresses … she didn’t want the same fate for me. But no matter how much I’d practiced, my dresses were always stained with blood. Forcing peace onto others always had its price.
I buried my head in my hands. I’d run from the palace to escape this very fate. To find a legendary wizard, one who may have existed only in whispered longing by those with hopeless cases. A man who could make wishes reality. I’d searched for four years through every town, village, and hamlet in Evaness for a man who could change the price of my power.
I should have tried harder. I should never have gotten bogged down in jobs or work or let myself be distracted. I should have gone to Gitmore in disguise. Some of the best wizards in all the seven kingdoms were in Gitmore. Enemy territory. But no one would have recognized me. Why hadn’t I done that?
I hated myself. I should have done more. My thoughts rallied against me, smacking me down one by one: Now a sarding dragon is coming. I’m going to have to face it. And after … Avia isn’t even prepared. She isn’t ready to handle the aftermath. And my knights. My four beautiful knights.
The thought of what could happen to them …
I pulled my hair, trying to release the tension that strained underneath my skin. The guilt and fear inside me roared and writhed, like they were beasts themselves.
I should never have come back, the thought pushed its way to the front of my mind.
My eyes flickered from face to face: Ryan’s was grim, his beautiful eyelashes hiding his expression as he stared at the floor; Connor was confused, his mop head of curls so adorably mussed on his head; Declan was muttering to himself, a trait I now found endearing; Quinn was staring right at me with those endlessly gorgeous grey eyes. My gut wrenched, like a catapult had launched a flaming stone into my stomach.
My mind was clear though. It said: I have to leave them. I shouldn’t have come. If I’d just hunted down the creature myself, just sent a letter instead of running back to Quinn, they wouldn’t be here arguing with me. They wouldn’t be in danger…
My eyes welled up, but I forced the tears down.
Sarding hell. I knew I was cursed. I never should have dragged them back into it. And now, to see any one of them hurt, it would kill me. Gah! I was stupid. Selfish.
I took a breath and tried to focus myself. Panic only led to bad choices.
Calm down, I scolded myself. There’s still time. They aren’t dead yet. You still have time to leave. You still can run. You still can try to save them. So that dragons won’t snatch them out of thin air as they did Lady Bane and her husbands.
That memory twisted my stomach and I had to grab onto Ryan’s shoulder to stay upright.
No, no, no.
Quinn must have told everyone what I was thinking, because Connor turned to me and said, “Bloss, calm down. We’ve had Wyle add as many precautions to the castle as possible. There’s a fire shield above us. You’ll be fine. Dragons won’t get to you. Or Avia.”
He didn’t know about my power. So, he couldn’t understand why my hands wouldn’t stop shaking. Or why my throat went dry.
I can’t face the dragon in the castle. I’ll hurt people. So many people. I need to get away—my thoughts were logical, even if my body was in a panic. The years of strategy practice under pressure kicked in.
I stood, pushing off Ryan’s arms. I paced nearby as the inkling of a plan took shape in my mind. “I should get a spelled disguise from Wyle. I should look like Avia and go back to Lady Agatha’s lands. I’ll draw it to me.” I looked around the room.
Every head but Connor’s shook, vehemently.
“No,” they chorused.
They’re wrong, I thought. This would work. At least well enough to give them time to prepare. And protect Avia.
“It has to be. I can’t be near anyone. Ryan, your men can clear everyone off the land. In that cave, I heard those men say the beast would be drawn to Avia. It will be drawn to me if I look like her. And then I’ll tame it. Like my father.” I spoke with confidence, using every ounce of court-practiced fakery I had. I’d never tamed a beast in my life. We’d thought dragons were gone. Since I was eight years old, everyone had believed them killed off.
“NO!” Ryan roared.
I took a step back. His anger was ferocious.
“Absolutely not, Bloss,” Declan dismissed me and opened a book.
If you run, I’m going after you. I’m going with you. I won’t leave you, Quinn threatened.
You will sarding not. I am still your ruler.
“This isn’t up for discussion, this is the plan,” I said aloud.
Declan slammed his book shut. “You think you can order us around?”
“I’m the crown princess.”
“You’re our wife,” Ryan roared.
“No. I’m not. That’s why I ran. Because if a queen dies, her knights do too—” Tears filled my eyes. It didn’t matter that I wanted to be their wife. Needs always came before wants. And a queen has an endless list of needs to attend to. Another of my mother’s heartwarming sayings. Love … wasn’t an option.
I turned to Avia. “When I’m—spread the dragon hunting story. That I’ve gone to the mountains again. And when you’re of age … please consider them—”
Avia covered her ears and started screaming. “I won’t! I won’t!”
“What the hell has everyone so worked up?” Connor asked.
“Bloss is trying to commit suicide,” Declan said dryly.
“What? She’s a beast tamer, a peace maker, just like her father. She’ll be fine—”