It was almost as if mother had known. My cheeks flushed at that thought.
It had been a long time since I’d been this anxious. I'd had to deal with nerves day in and day out when I’d been on the run. I’d learned just to ride the adrenaline. But tonight, I was nervous. Quite nervous.
Even as the crowd bowed at my entrance, my attention wasn’t on them.
My eyes searched for my knights, who’d already been announced. Who’d entered the ballroom before I had, due to Avia’s prodding and threats.
I stared down the stairwell at the four men who’d captured my heart.
Ryan wore a metal breastplate, the sign of my house engraved in the middle. A burning rose. Declan wore all blue. His light blue shirt and vest offset his eyes. Someone had thrown Connor into hunter green. Even though his eyes were blue, it had always been my favorite color on him, because his eyes were a shade of blue that could transform based on what he wore. His curls were still a beautiful mess. No one could ever tame his curls. And Quinn wore black. Even at a ball. Even at our own celebration, he was dressed to fade into the shadows. But his eyes, his eyes were alight with happiness.
I looked from man to man, making eye contact with each of them. My heart filled. It filled with so many emotions it felt like my body was a dam about to burst. Heavy guilt. Potent fear. Lust. Gallons of lust. Drops of trust sprinkled like oil among the other emotions. And sweet, new, blooming love, floating atop all the others. I felt sure every emotion inside me would spill out onto the dance floor and sweep every person there away in a riot of feeling.
I loved Ryan's dominance and confidence. And I loved that tiny caring streak he liked to keep hidden. The streak that made him agree to help Declan. I loved Declan for his dedication, his intelligence, and his dry wit. I'd always loved Connor. His beautiful, beautiful soul, and how he went out of his way to help everyone feel good about themselves, feel confident and listened to and important. My eyes met Quinn's. I was pretty sure he'd been reading every thought I had since I walked through the door. I projected thoughts directly at him.
I love you Quinn. Your jokes and your silliness. I love so much that you've trusted me … been there for me, and that you forgave me. From the second I arrived, you forgave me. You let me know forgiveness was possible. If you hadn’t … I might have given up.
His eyes sparkled with tears.
I smiled at him as the herald trumpeted and announced my name.
And then, breaking protocol, Avia appeared beside me, a cleric at her side. As the potential bride for the match with Abbas, she was supposed to be the last to enter. And she was supposed to enter alone. She’d forgone her moment … for this.
Avia clapped once, breaking up the scattered murmurs that had started upon her arrival.
My eyes scanned the crowd. Abbas stared at my sister with interest. Mateo stared with open adoration. Meeker, the Sedarian ambassador, crossed his arms. Lady Agatha frowned. The expressions for this break in protocol ran the gamut.
“Good evening,” Avia said to the crowd, not the least bit cowed by the mixed reactions. “We are so grateful to celebrate a potential alliance with Cheryn tonight. And to welcome the prince of that great nation. But you will have to excuse me. And indulge me a little. I’m a romantic at heart. And my sister and her husbands never got to have a formal ceremony. Never had the chance to have their own wedding ball. And so tonight, we’d like you all to bear witness, as the future Queen of Evaness renews her vows to the knights who so bravely protected our kingdom as she traveled far and wide to protect us.”
Murmuring started up in the crowd. But I didn’t notice. My eyes were firmly fixed on the four men at the foot of the stairs, begging them silently to say yes. Tears filled my eyes. And I swiped at them, because I needed to see. I needed to see Ryan’s mouth curve into a smile. I needed to see Declan shyly bite his lip and grin. I needed to see Connor stare right at me, straight into my soul, and evaluate me. I tried not to waver under his stare, but it was hard. The tears kept coming and I wiped them once they spilled onto my cheeks so that I could maintain eye contact. I needed him to know I meant this. That I acknowledged what he’d said. That I agreed with him. And that I wouldn’t run again. Finally, Connor gave a slow nod.
The cleric stepped to the head of the stairwell. “If the gentlemen will come join the princess …”
My knights came up the stairs and arranged themselves facing me.
“Please, repeat after me. I renew my vow to honor and trust you, to keep and hold you, to work with you for the betterment of Evaness. I bond myself to you. In mind. In body. In spirit. For all the days of my life.”
I spoke the words with a smile as a tear traced a path down my cheek. Because never in my entire life had I felt so exposed, so raw, so scared … and yet so uplifted. So relieved. So light. Like the burdens and fears I’d been carrying had melted away. I felt like I was floating midair. Like I’d drank a bottle of Flight. It was more intense than any magic potion I’d ever consumed. My love for them encompassed me, filled me from head to toe. It was powerful, swirling inside me, making me dizzy and lightheaded. And happy. So happy.
Ryan was the first to step forward and kiss me. He wiped away my tears and said, “I love you too, Little Dearling.” And then his lips planted a chaste kiss on mine.
Declan was next, taking my hand and kissing it before cupping my cheek and kissing me softly. He didn’t speak. But his shining eyes spoke for him, unshed tears glistening in the candlelight.
When he stepped back, Connor stepped forward. And my trembling ramped up anew.
“I’m scared, too,” Connor whispered in my ear. “But thank you. For choosing not to run away again. Thank you, for choosing us.” And then his lips lightly touched mine, sending electricity down my spine.
Quinn came last, a smirk plastered across his features. I knew you couldn’t resist me for long.
I gave a broken laugh.
And then he grabbed me, dipped me, and gave me a kiss that made the crowd holler.
Chapter Twenty-Six
We danced. I danced with each of my husbands, laughingly stumbling through court dances that I hadn’t done in years and my feet failed to remember. I didn’t know if the nobles noticed, or if they wrote off my clumsiness to the happy tears that continually seemed to streak down my face. Frankly, I didn’t care.
Avia danced with Abbas, looking very self-satisfied whenever I caught her eye. She did mouth, “Told you,” a time or two at me.
I couldn’t even roll my eyes at her. I was too happy.
I was filled to the brim, overflowing even, with joy that was light and frothy and airy. The world had never looked more beautiful. My husbands had never looked more delicious. I leaned in more than once, propositioning them. Declan nearly caved, but Connor intercepted us before we could sneak off the dance floor. He swept me off for a new dance.
“Something’s wrong with that boy who’s been hanging around Avia,” Connor told me. My eyes swept the room.
Mateo stood off to one side, a flagon in his hand and a scowl on his face.
“He’s furious. With you.”
“How can you tell? What if he’s furious with Abbas? She’s dancing with him.”
Connor shook his head. “I just can. I’m not sure how.”
I sighed. “Well, I did tell her to focus on Abbas and leave Mateo alone for now. We can’t have her ruin a potential alliance.”
“How likely do you think alliance is?” Connor whispered when he pulled me close, so that no one around could hear.
“Depends on what Quinn’s people find. Have you heard anything?”
Connor didn’t answer, but Quinn did.
Some of his servants went out tonight. To a local tavern. Have some people there buying them rounds.
Got it. Hopefully they find something.
I’ll let you know if they do.
Connor spun me, and I was about to lean in and propose a long session of nakedness when Abbas cut in.
He bowed, as if he weren’t being a complete ass.
I smiled stiffly.
“May I, Your Highness? I have not had the opportunity to congratulate you,” the silk-tongued rat bastard said, pulling me smoothly away from my husband.
Connor just smiled and made his way off the dance floor.
I turned to face Abbas and curtsied. “Thank you, for your congratulations.”
He studied my face. “You are very attached to your knights.”
The observation made me wary. “They are excellent men. I’m honored to be their wife.”
He tilted his head, allowing his raven black hair to sweep his shoulder. He wore a loose white shirt and fitted breeches tonight. But he’d long ago tossed his vest and jacket aside. He was hardly decent for a ball. His tattoos were clearly visible through the thin material of his shirt, which gaped open scandalously at his chest, allowing the sculpted middle of his pecs to peek through. His beard was oiled and sleek and looked soft.
“You’re certainly going all out in your attempt to seduce my sister,” I raised a brow as he led me through a slow spin. I gestured at his shirt.
“Are you certain it’s your sister I’m trying to seduce?” Abbas whispered as he pulled me back in.
My eyes jerked up sharply and I struggled to keep my face neutral as I studied his. “You’re here to court my sister. You’d ruin a potential alliance?”