I clenched my thighs together upon hearing that.
Then Quinn held out a hand. Come on, Dove. You know you and I go together like peas and carrots.
Shock buzzed over my skin. The heat dropped from my core. Instead, my body turned ice-cold. I dropped my skirt. “Where did you hear that?”
What?
“Say it again. So everyone can hear.”
A strange glint came into Quinn’s eyes as he projected the thought to everyone in the room. You know you and I go together like peas and carrots.
Connor turned toward me, looking hurt. “I thought … I mean I hated that saying, but I thought that was our saying.”
“It was,” I scanned Quinn coldly. “It was how I ended every letter I wrote to you for the past four years.”
The entire room grew silent. Everyone turned to Quinn.
“What does that mean, Quinn?” Declan asked. “You took the letters?”
Quinn blew out a breath. Sard. I discovered the letters and alerted the queen. I was ordered to take the letters. Part of the assignment to find Bloss. Take them, scan them for hints of her whereabouts.
“Those were my letters. Why didn’t you give them to me after you searched them?” Connor took an angry step toward Quinn.
I put a hand on Connor’s shoulder, holding him back. Anger frothed in my belly. But I recognized my mother’s hand in all this. She’d always been so controlling.
Quinn ran a hand through his hair. First, I was told not to let you become any more miserable than you already were. That first year, the three of us basically took on your position. Secondly, I reread them a lot. I hadn’t met Bloss. It was the only way I got to know her. He turned back to look at me, regret coloring his features. I wasn’t trying to hurt anyone.
“Sard! I want to sarding hate you. But Queen Gela,” Connor shook his head. He knew exactly what mother was like.
“You had letters and it still took you four years to find her?” Ryan was incredulous.
At first, my instructions were to find and monitor her. But, once Cheryn stole those magical chains, Queen Gela wanted me to get you home, immediately. It still took a few months to track your exact location down.
“She knows war is coming,” I breathed.
I believe so. And she’s never told anyone else this. But she’s the one who invited Cheryn’s princes here to court Avia.
Sard. A war. A real war looming. Mother had already picked sides. And she hadn’t even told me.
“Any other sarding secrets we need to know about now that we’re married?” I asked. My anger and irritation at my mother and Quinn infused my tone. It was harsh.
Declan slowly raised his hand in the air. “Ryan and I … we have kinda … helped each other out on occasion.”
It took me a minute to process what he was saying. The change in topic was so abrupt. “What? Do you mean … sexually?”
“Um…” Declan shrugged.
Ryan cuffed him over the head. “You weren’t supposed to tell anyone!”
“She said any secrets! We’re married now. That qualifies—”
I laughed. My anger dissipated, and I walked forward to kiss Declan on the cheek. “Thank you.”
I turned to Ryan, who was still muttering under his breath.
“Ryan, are you embarrassed?” I teased, looking up at my blushing giant. “Don’t be. One day, I’ll probably ask you to punish Declan for telling your secret. So I can watch.”
Ryan turned his hot gaze to mine. “Really?”
Heat fluttered down my spine. “Really.”
Sard. I hate to interrupt this just as it’s getting hot again. But one of your fathers is in the hall.
I strode quickly to the door. My knights had left it open.
My father, Peter, hovered a few feet past the door frame. His face was drawn and grey.
My heart immediately imploded. “What is it, dad?” I asked.
“Blossie. It’s your mother.”
Chapter Twenty-Eight
We entered the queen’s chambers in a rush, crowding through the door. But as soon as we were in, we stopped.
She was gone.
I could feel it. Her presence, which normally filled a room, was nowhere to be found. She’d had an energy in life that could throttle you, make you feel small, or make you glow with pride.
My fathers surrounded her; one of them held each of her hands, Peter walked up to touch her knee. Johan's face was red and blotchy from tears. Gorg was more stoic.
I stepped forward so that I could see my mother's face. It was relaxed in a way it never been in life.
It felt like someone had taken a broken bottle to my ribs, as though glass was cutting through me, all the way down to my bones.
My mind couldn't think, couldn't form words. Inside me, there was just a tiny yelp. The cry of an abandoned child, one now forced to face the terrors of the world alone. I collapsed to my knees.
Someone put their arms around me. I didn't look to see who, because the tears came then. Long and loud and hard.
I cried until I felt like I was floating. Like reality was gone and I was no longer tethered to the world. An image popped up in my brain. Of Quinn and I floating through the sky, twined together by red ribbon. The ribbon slowly extended and pulled Ryan into my line of sight and bound him against Quinn and myself. The ribbon pulled Declan in and added him to the knot. The sentient ribbon reached out one more time, unfurling its long arm, searching through the sky for—
"Connor," I breathed.
"Yeah?" A broken whisper sounded in my ear.
I opened my eyes in shock, wiping my face quickly with the palms of my hands, clearing my vision. Conner was on the ground, cradling me. He'd wrapped me in his arms and pulled me onto his lap. His brown curls were mussed. And his eyes were red and swollen, tears still leaked down his face.
I reached up and grabbed his face in my hands. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him into a tight hug.
The awful feeling in my chest eased. Still, I clutched at him. Connor had hardly touched me since my return. I'd known I'd missed him. But being in his arms made me realize how much more I needed him—needed, not simply missed him. He'd been my rock. My entire youth, he'd been my rock. During my travels, he been my rock without knowing it. I’d lived to write those letters to him. To feel connected and not adrift. I burrowed deeper, resting my cheek on his shoulder, burying my face in his neck.
Connor didn't protest, he just began to stroke my back.
When my limbs were numb, I finally struggled to stand. Connor help me to my feet. Then he held my hand.
I stared down at his hand clutching mine. It was a struggle not to collapse in tears again. But my body was empty.
Quinn held out a cup of water. I took it gratefully with my free hand and downed the contents.
When I was finished, I noticed that my husbands had formed a protective semi-circle around me. For the first time, I saw Avia. Gorg, her birth father, held and rocked her at the foot of the bed.
There were long moments of staring. Long moments of nothingness.
Eventually, I cleared my throat. There was work to do. And, as mother always said, ‘Royalty must set aside emotion and do the work. And there is always work to be done.' The eyes in the room turned to look at me.
"We have an official proclamation to make. The funeral arrangements were already planned. Unless you'd like to make any changes ..." I added, looking toward my three fathers. Inside I was pleading, hoping they'd want to change the awful, archaic ritual of cliff jumping after their queen. But I didn't allow my face to show those hopes. The choice was theirs.
"No changes," Peter responded.
Avia burst into a new round of tears.
I mentally asked Quinn to comfort her.
Once he'd scooped up my little sister I turn to my fathers and gave them a nod. "Then the funeral will be at dawn." The water would be at its coldest. Hopefully, that meant it would take them more quickly. Less painfully. I bit back the trembling of my lip.
Sard it all. I’m changing that law, come hell or high water, I thought.
Ryan put an arm on my shoulder. I was about to shrug him off because I couldn't stand a comforting touch, not when I was barely holding it together. But he turned me toward him, and his voice was steady. "I will have my men prepare the ship and have the archers ready.”
“Do you think you could, the arrow—” I asked.
He nodded. “I’d be honored.”
Ryan turned to Connor. “You should alert the heralds in each town. Provide the script."
Next to me, Connor nodded. He untangled our fingers and lifted my hand to his lips. He kissed my hand, his face twisted with sadness. "I'll be right back, Bloss Boss."
He'd used my pet name. My heart gave a feeble jump. But it was so weighed down with pain. I'd lost my mother, was about to lose my fathers. War loomed. And there was a dragon somewhere in my country. Despite my best efforts, a whimper escaped.
He kissed my hand again. “Promise. Right back.”
I let him go. I swallowed the lump in my throat and watched Ryan and Connor walk out. Then I turned to Declan. “I’d like the list I’m sure you have drawn up, of all the possible contingencies upon mother’s … passing. I’d like to go over it.”
Declan nodded.
I turned and meet each of my fathers’ eyes. I gave them each a small nod. I couldn’t do anything further. I’d collapse. I’d fall to the floor and never be able to get up again. I left Quinn with Avia.