I clunked my mug down on my bedside table and reached up to pull the picture off the wall. Within seconds it was scattered across my bedspread in pieces.
“Sometimes I wished I hated you, Jake Caplin,” I whispered hoarsely.
And as if he’d heard me, my cell rang. It was him.
Cautiously, I answered it.
“Charley,” Jake breathed, as if relieved I’d picked up. “You okay?”
“I’m fine,” I replied flatly. “Melissa didn’t seem so fine.”
“Yeah. She just … she feels a little threatened by our history.”
“Is that why you didn’t tell her we hang out all the time? Because I was under the impression she knew.”
“Mel’s an understanding girl, but I didn’t know if she’d understand this. You are my ex.”
I didn’t say anything.
Jake exhaled heavily. “Look, I called because Mel told me something tonight. Something you said and I want to know if it’s true.”
“What would that be?”
“Did you really tell Mel that I loved her because I let her help me and because I didn’t let you help me I obviously didn’t love you?”
My chest tightened at his question. As I switched the phone to my other ear, it shook in my trembling hand. “I said that you wouldn’t let me help you, but you let Melissa help you and to me, that speaks volumes.”
“Bullshit,” Jake responded, taking me aback with his vehemence. “You’ve got to know that’s bullshit, Charley. I pushed you away but it wasn’t because I didn’t love you. I was crazy about you. You know that. It had all just happened, though. I was a f**king mess. No one could get through to me. I met Melissa a long time after it. Enough time to not be in that dark place anymore.”
Feeling sick, I shook my head, even though he couldn’t see. “I don’t want to talk about this, Jake.”
“I know. It just … it would kill me if you thought I fell out of love with you. Or worse … that I was never in love with you.”
“Jake, what are you doing?” I asked, panicking now. “There’s no point to any of this. You’re with Melissa.”
“And I love her.” I closed my eyes at his declaration, fighting tears, desperate not to give into them. “But I didn’t even know her when I applied to study here for the year.”
Fighting the tears meant choking on them. I had to take a minute before I responded. “You knew I’d be here.”
“I hoped you’d be here, yes.”
I covered the phone while I tried to catch a painful breath. After I counted to ten, I exhaled and put the phone back to my ear. “And then you met her.”
His breath crackled on the line. “Yeah.”
I was going to break. “Jake, I have to go.”
“Charley—”
“Claudia’s at my door.”
“Oh. Okay. I’ll see you tomorrow?” he sounded unsure.
“Yeah. Bye.” I hung up and threw my phone on my bed just in time to catch the sob in my throat. It choked me as I fought it, my hands clenched into fists as I pushed back the tears. He wasn’t getting any more from me. He’d had plenty in the past.
I wished I could hate him. It would make it all so much easier if he’d just dumped me, if all that shit hadn’t happened to him and his family. I needed him to be the bad guy, all black and white, no shades of gray. It was the only way I could move on.
But unfortunately, that wasn’t reality, and Jake wasn’t the bad guy. Not completely. I turned on my side, curled into a ball. I was still making excuses for him when he had to have known how much it hurt me for him to say he loved someone else.
It was decided then. I needed to stop spending time with him.
The thought of not talking to him, laughing with him, clawed at my gut but I had to do something before I turned into one of those whiny girls I wanted to thrust a spine into.
Chapter Fourteen
The smell of Hub’s burgers, fried onions, and coffee was welcome and familiar. As was the same playlist of country music installed in the old-fashioned jukebox in the corner. No one cared that they’d had to listen to the same music for ten years—Hub’s was always so busy, conversation drowned out the crooners. I think the people of Lanton would’ve put up with cat’s nails dragged across blackboards just to get a taste of one of Hub’s burgers.
As for me, I’d put up with the fact that one of the waitresses had slept with my boyfriend. That’s how good Hub’s freaking burgers were.
I sat across from Jake in a small booth near the front entrance, chewing on a fry and watching him munch on his burger. He suddenly made a face and put it down, swallowing his food to complain, “I got pickle.”
“Give me,” I waved my fingers at him. “The taste of it will undoubtedly help me get over my disbelief that you don’t like it.”
Jake took the pickle off the burger and held it out to me. I smiled and leaned across the table and closed my lips around his fingers. His pupils dilated as I pulled back, chewing on the pickle. “Seriously? In public?”
I laughed and shrugged, picking up my own burger. “It’s not my fault you can’t control yourself.”
His expression pretty much said “you’ll pay for that later,” but I continued to eat happily, not too concerned about it. Jake’s payback was always yummy. “We definitely have an audience now,” he mumbled before taking a sip of his Coke.
I didn’t need to ask what he was referring to. Sitting behind us, closer to the bottom end of the diner, were some of our classmates and my so-called friends. Taking up two booths in the back was Alex, Brett, Damien, and a couple of their friends, as well as Lacey and Rose. Since Jake and I had walked into Hub’s, they’d been watching us. I heard their pointed laughter when I took a seat that wasn’t in Stacy’s section, and I felt their burning gaze on my neck the whole time we ordered food.
The fact that Lacey and Rose were with Brett and his idiots should’ve bothered me but honestly, I was done. The girls and I had grown distant since I started dating Jake. Yes, I spent time with him but even when I did spend time with the girls, all they did was bitch about the fact that I also spent time with Jake. Since I couldn’t cut myself in half, I didn’t really know what they wanted me to do about it.
And then Lacey started dating Brett.
Brett and his father hadn’t stopped their campaign of hate against the Caplins, so as soon as Lacey became his girl, he made it clear that I was to be treated as the enemy. She hadn’t spoken to me in three weeks.