“I don’t know.” I fiddled with my pen as I tried to pinpoint what it was exactly that was making him extra Jake-like. “Lighter,” I said suddenly. “You’re lighter. Like you used to be. Ever since … and even now, you seem …”
“Seem what?” His amusement had left him and he was leaning across the table, his eyebrows drawn together.
I didn’t know if it was wise to finish my sentence, but since we’d been teetering on a lot of cliff edges lately, I didn’t think one more would make a difference. “More serious. Which is only natural with everything … and you being older …” I trailed off.
He huffed and sat back in his chair. “Only natural,” he agreed.
Silence fell between us and I wished to God I hadn’t said anything. I’d ruined his good mood.
“I do feel lighter lately, though.”
I couldn’t look at him. If I looked at him, I’d only find ways to make it seem like that meant something, something to do with us. Honestly, I just really needed to start remembering there was no longer an “us.”
“Good,” I muttered, pulling a book back to me. “I’m glad.”
When I didn’t say anything else, Jake shifted in his chair. When I still didn’t say anything, he shifted again. Finally he threw a pen at me.
“What, are we twelve?” I threw his pen back.
“I wanted your attention.” He was back to boyish Jake. Pity I found him irresistible.
Crossing my arms over my chest, I relaxed back in my chair. “Okay, well, you have it.”
“So,” Jake leaned forward, hands clasped in front of him, as if we were sitting down to discuss something of great import. “Have you noticed what’s been going on with Beck and Claudia?”
I choked on a giggle. “You want to gossip with me?”
He lowered his voice, “It’s better than studying.”
“Okay, I’ll give you that.” I pushed my books out of the way once more. “They’re definitely into one another but Beck seems reluctant to start a relationship.”
“That’s because Beck doesn’t do relationships.”
Jake gestured me closer and when he spoke, it was a whisper. “Shit family life. I’m the closest he’s got to family. It’s messed up his whole thinking but I leave him to it. Still, I’ve noticed he’s been agitated lately. In particular these last few days …”
I nodded knowingly. “Claudia started dating this Scottish guy.”
Jake sighed. “I wish Beck would pull his head out of his ass.”
“Should we help him?”
“Pull his head out of his ass?”
“Yeah. I know Claudia cares about him and it’s obvious he cares about her. Maybe there’s some way we could give them a little shove?”
“Would you like someone to give you a little shove in your relationship?” Jake looked less than convinced.
I shuddered at the thought of someone interfering with mine and Jake’s fragile friendship. “Okay, good point.”
“I just wanted to know if you knew if Claud felt the same way, that’s all.”
“Why?”
“Something might still come of it. For Beck’s sake, I hope it does. He needs someone like Claudia in his life. She’s a great girl.”
I smiled affectionately. “She is. She’s the best.”
“You didn’t have a friend like her in high school.”
I thought of Lacey and Rose and our somewhat shallow friendship. “No, I did not.”
“But for now, I guess we just sit back and watch the show.”
I thought of the relationship that had built between Claudia and Beck over the last few months. They seemed very close but because there was this animal attraction there, the whole friendship seemed ready to implode. As I stared at Jake, it occurred to me that our friendship might be mirroring our friends’.
Since I was choosing to believe we had more control over our relationship, I pushed that scary, ticking-bomb thought to the back of my head.
“What are you thinking?” He cocked his head to the side, his lids lowered in thought.
Before I had to scramble for a lie, a shadow fell over our desk. Melissa stood staring at us, books pressed tight to her chest. Everything about her was tense and I knew right away when her gaze fell on me that it was because of my presence. More to the point, it was because I was in Jake’s presence. Alone.
Huh. I thought she was over it.
“What are you doing here?” she asked Jake quietly. There was a definite note of accusation in her voice.
“Studying,” he answered calmly, but I could hear the edge in his answer.
Melissa pointedly looked at our unopened books. “I’m going back to my dorm to study. Come with?” It wasn’t really a question. Her cheeks were flushed and her mien was brittle. She was roaring for a fight.
Resolved to his impending doom, Jake gave her a tight nod and stood, collecting his books. For the millionth time I ignored the ache in my chest at the sight of them together, both dark and tall and beautiful. They were perfect for one another.
I felt the sting in my nose and quickly ducked my head, yanking a book toward me.
“See you, Charley,” Jake said softly.
I nodded, not looking at them. “See you tomorrow at the gym.”
“Gym?” The question was asked sharply and by Melissa.
I lifted my chin, surprised by her almost caustic response. She glowered at Jake and he blanched. Annoyance tore through me and I locked my jaw to stifle the curse words I wanted to throw at him. This whole time I thought Melissa knew we were spending time together, but of course, she didn’t. What girlfriend in her right mind would be okay with a guy spending that much quality time with an ex? I was such a willful idiot.
I slunk farther down in my chair, listening to them walk away and wishing like hell I’d kicked Jake’s shin hard enough to cause a dent. He had hurt Melissa by not being honest with her, and he’d pulled me into it, making me feel guilty when I hadn’t done anything wrong.
Right?
Claudia had been on three dates with the Scottish student she’d met at the library. He was cute and funny and she really seemed to like him. He wasn’t Beck, but she was in denial and frankly I was right there with her, so I wasn’t going to be a hypocrite and attempt to yank her out of it.
Claudia was out on a date with the Scottish guy, and The Stolen were busy with other plans. Since I hadn’t made much headway with my roommates, I found myself huddled in my room alone, my hands wrapped around a warm mug of cocoa as I stared at the photos pinned to my wall, pictures of our group here in Edinburgh—some great shots of Beck and Claudia who looked stunning together, of Rowena and Denver, of Matt, Lowe, and Beck, of Jake and Beck, of Lowe and me. Even one of just Jake and me. I wanted to say we didn’t look right together. But we did. Not perfect in the way that Jake and Melissa looked. No. But we looked right.