I pointed to the cake and a sound came from him that could only be described as a fanboy squee. I’d never heard Will make that noise before, and I probably wouldn’t hear it again in the near future.
“Never tell anyone I made that noise, I beg you,” he said.
“Cross my heart,” I said, biting my lip and trying not to laugh.
A few minutes later I had a plate of cake balanced on my stomach and Will and I were taking turns with our forks.
“You’re my favorite girlfriend,” he said, frosting all over his mouth. I used my thumb to wipe some of it off. He grabbed my thumb and licked the frosting off.
“So you’re completely okay with me having a daughter that I didn’t tell you about?” It seemed so hard to accept. It’s strange how we build these excuses and walls in our heads and use them to keep people out. But then they crumble so easily into nothing.
“Yeah. I am. I mean, it’s going to take some time for me to get used to it, and to think of you that way. It makes me feel a little . . .”
“A little what?”
“I don’t know. Young? Like, you had a baby, Aud. That’s so grown-up. I can barely deal with my laundry. You created a human. I’m in awe of you.” His praise made me blush.
“I’m in awe of you, so the awe is mutual. And I didn’t feel very adult at the time. I felt like I’d been handed something that I didn’t know how to deal with and never would. That’s why I gave her up. Because I knew I couldn’t grow up in time for her. Not as much as she would need.”
He nodded and stole the last bite of cake before I could stop him. There was more, but I didn’t want to have to get up and get it.
“What was that like? Giving her up?” I’d told Eddie the story, but it felt different telling Will.
“It was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. I don’t want to ever do anything like that again. That’s why I didn’t want to tell you, and why I wanted to forget about it. It was just too hard to think about. But now that I’ve seen her, it’s easier. And I know that her life is good. She’s happy and she’s safe.”
Will moved the plate and then rested his head where the plate had been.
“So Eddie took it well?” I told him about how Eddie had called me in the middle of the night and how he’d freaked out and acted the opposite of how I thought he would.
“I guess I picked a good guy to knock me up.”
Will shuddered.
“Sorry. I just wish it had been me,” he said.
“Don’t worry, I’m sure you’ll knock me up someday.” I patted his shoulder.
“Baby, I will knock you up and marry the shit out of you.”
“Ooohhh, what a romantic thing to say,” I said. We both laughed, his head bouncing a little on my stomach.
“But hopefully we’ll be married before I knock you up. Because I’m sure my mother would kill me if I ‘had a child out of wedlock’.” I hated that term. My parents had used that as well.
“Or maybe not. I have no idea. My parents are weird about things,” he said, shrugging.
“Well, I’d like to be married before I get knocked up again.” Ideally. “And I’d also like to have a good job, and be out of school. And I’d like to have my own practice.”
“With your briefcase and everything.” He grinned at me.
“Yes, with my briefcase. And you’ll be the athletic director at the local high school, and you’ll coach the basketball team and the baseball team and all our kid’s other sports teams. And I’ll come to the games and sit in the stands and be proud of you.”
I could see it, off in the distance.
“I like that picture.” He closed his eyes.
“I like it too.”
31
I’d planned to have massive amounts of insane sex on Sex Partner Appreciation Day, but I ended up falling asleep completely clothed with my head on Audrey’s stomach.
The harsh trill of her phone burst me out of my dream world where I’d been coaching baseball and Audrey had been in the stands, her hand on her growing belly and a brilliant smile on her face. It had been such a good dream.
“Shit,” Audrey said, reaching for the phone and causing my head to fall off her stomach. She answered it.
“Oh, hi. Yeah, no he told me in person. Yeah . . . I know . . . I know . . . Sure. Okay . . . Definitely . . . Talk to you later . . . Okay . . . Bye.” She hung up and rubbed her eyes.
“That was Maria. She just wanted to check in. I can’t believe we fell asleep like this.” I sat up and rested my back against the wall. We’d slept in late, but we were both exhausted. Audrey, especially.
“It’s Valentine’s Hangover today,” I said, my voice a little hoarse from so much talking yesterday.
“Right. That’s today.” She ran her hands through her hair and closed her eyes.
“Is there anything I can do for you? Any way I can help?” I was a dick for not asking sooner.
“You wanna give me a shoulder massage? I could really use one right now.”
“You’re in luck, Aud. I may or may not have just finished a unit on muscles.” I scooted until I was sitting behind her, my legs around hers. She twisted her hair and put it over her shoulder, exposing her neck. There was something so graceful about where a woman’s neck met her spine. I knew which spot I could kiss and drive her wild, but that wasn’t what she needed right now.
I started kneading her shoulders, working my fingers into her tense muscles.
“This might hurt a little, but it will feel better after. Promise.”
She moaned a little.
“No, that feels really good.” With only a few minutes of work, I could already feel her melting and relaxing against me. She moaned again when I hit a certain spot.
“Oh, that feels really good.” Against my will, I could feel myself getting hard. I couldn’t help it. Her moans did that to me. She dragged her hands up and down my legs, reaching back for me and throwing her head back against my shoulder.
“Thank you,” she said, turning her head to the side. She backed up against me and her hands travelled further up my pants leg. Was that where this was going? I didn’t want to get my hopes up, but I hadn’t gotten any last night and that was sort of the point of Sex Partner Appreciation Day. Not that it was all about me. I planned on more than taking care of Aud, too. I’d recently discovered that she loved it when I –