“It’s okay. Whatever it is. Remember how cool I was with the whole Eddie thing? I’ve told you. Whatever it is, I can take it.”
I always thought his words would break my heart, but somehow it still beat in my chest. The traitor.
“I just want you to be happy,” he said.
“I know you do.”
He sat with me as I breathed in and out and tried to figure how I’d made such a mess of everything. I’d tried to do what I thought was right, but it had been very, very wrong.
“Audrey?” Eddie’s voice hit me light a lightning bolt. I stood without intending to and walked toward him, completely ignoring Will.
Eddie already had tears streaming down his face and my traitorous heart stopped completely.
He reached for my hands when I got to him.
“I’m a match. I’m a match.”
I fell into his arms and finally, finally broke.
What. The. Fuck?!? She’d run to him like he was her long lost love, returning from the dead. It was almost like a movie, minus the soundtrack and the slow motion.
I just watched as he said something to her and she threw herself on him and started crying. He cried. They cried together.
Obviously, there was much more to this story than the two of them sleeping together once. Was this what Aud said she’d screwed up?
Was she—? Were they—?
I stood and watched, unable to move, unable to go toward them and confirm the fears that had worked their way into my mind.
No, it couldn’t be true. She wouldn’t cheat on me. It wasn’t possible. No, no, no.
I waited for hours or minutes. I wasn’t sure which. It felt like both.
I watched as Eddie brushed the tears from her eyes and held her close, rubbing her back.
I watched as she held onto him as if she was lost in the ocean and he was her life preserver.
I watched as girl I loved shared a moment with someone who wasn’t me.
Every time I heard the sound of a bat meet a ball in the cages around me, I pictured one of those bats hitting my heart and smashing it. Over. And over.
Audrey finally moved away from Eddie and looked over her shoulder, searching. She found my eyes and I waited.
She said something to Eddie and he let go of her. As she walked toward me, I wondered what she would say. How she would tell me. And how I would survive it.
“I . . . I have something to tell you,” she said, wiping her eyes again.
“Yes. You do.”
He was a match. The words kept repeating over in my head constantly. Eddie was a match and Emily was going to be okay. They’d already set up an appointment for him to take some further tests before the donation could go forward, but everything was in motion.
She was going to live. My daughter was going to live and everything was going to be okay. After Eddie and I cried and he told me everything that was going to happen, I realized that I’d completely abandoned Will and he had no idea what was going on.
I turned around to find him and when I met his eyes, I realized what this looked like. I’d just been upset about screwing something up and here I was, running and hugging and crying on a boy I’d told him I’d slept with.
Shitfuck. The hurt in his eyes was palpable as I walked toward him. I had to tell him what was going on so he didn’t get the wrong idea. I wished I wasn’t the idiot who put it there.
“I . . . I have something to tell you.” A lot of somethings.
“Yes. You do.” His voice was tight, and his jaw clenched so hard that I wondered if he was going to damage his teeth.
“We should go somewhere else. Somewhere quiet,” I said. The noises were starting to grate on my nerves.
“So you can tell me that you’ve been cheating on me with this ass**le?” He threw his arm out and gestured to Eddie. Great. Now I was hurting both of them.
“I didn’t cheat on you, Will. The truth is a lot more complicated.”
Will laughed darkly.
“Yeah, whatever, Audrey. It’s really obvious what’s going on here.” He started to walk away, but I grabbed his arm to stop him.
“Just let me explain,” I said, as he kept walking, dragging me along.
“I don’t want to hear it,” he said, still walking.
“Eddie got me pregnant in high school. I had the baby and gave her to my aunt to raise but I never told him about her and now she needs a bone marrow transplant and we just found out Eddie is a match.” There was no easier way to say it. A guy passing by stared at me and then turned and whispered to his friend.
Will stopped walking and faced me slowly, his eyes wide in shock. He opened his mouth to say something, but no words came out. I’d never seen him speechless before.
“W-what?” he finally stammered.
“Please, let me take you somewhere so I can explain. Please.”
He just nodded.
“Okay, wait here.” I put my hands up so he wouldn’t go anywhere and I went and grabbed our things, including the truck keys and then took his arm and started walking toward the door.
Eddie also opened his mouth to say something as we walked by him, but I shook my head. I’d call him later and we could talk.
I got Will out to the truck and shoved him in with the balloons. His eyes were still wide and he seemed to be broken. I knew what that was like.
“You’re going to be okay. I’m just going to drive us back to school and we’ll talk. Okay?” He didn’t respond.
“Will?”
“Uh-huh.” Finally, a response. That was something. I turned the truck on and gunned it out of the lot, driving as fast as I could without breaking any major laws. I got us back to campus and parked in the lot near the dorms. Will hadn’t said anything as we’d driven back, but he was blinking and breathing, so I had hope that he’d snap out of it soon.
He got out of the truck on his own, and leaned on the door and looked at the sidewalk.
“You have a baby?”
“Yes. A daughter.”
He nodded and thought about that for a second.
“That’s what your scar is, isn’t it?” He’d finally put two and two together. I always wondered if he would. But what college guy would be familiar with a C-section scar?
“Yes. She was breech, so I couldn’t have her naturally.” Looked like we weren’t going to make it back to my room. We were going to be doing this right here.
“How old is . . .”
“She. Her name is Emily. She’s sixteen months old. A year and a half.” He made a choking noise and coughed a few times.