“So, I’m going to go and grab a shower, because I seriously need one,” Will said.
“Agreed. I mean, I also need a shower,” I said. My eyes met Will’s and we both smiled in unison.
“And I think that is my cue to excuse myself to see my boyfriend and let the two of you have a moment. William, Audrey.” Simon bowed and grabbed our trash before taking both rackets and strolling out the door.
“That was subtle,” I said.
“Yeah, he doesn’t really know how to do subtle,” Will said. I’d completely forgotten that I’d left my things in the locker room, so I went back to grab them and then Will and I walked out together. I wished I could have had the shower before spending time with him, but it couldn’t really be helped now. I just hoped the wind didn’t carry my smell in his direction.
“So I know we’re going to just . . . do whatever now, but what exactly does that mean? Does that mean we can, uh, have physical contact?” I knew exactly what he was asking, but it was cute watching him squirm. I shifted my gym bag on my shoulder. I’d never really been a workout girl, but I’d started taking a few Pilates classes to try to take my mind off Will. Guess I didn’t really need to do that anymore.
“How about we just see what feels natural? We’ll make things up as we go along.” Honestly, I had no idea what we should or shouldn’t be doing. Like I’d told him, I was making this up as I went along. I couldn’t get rid of Will and I couldn’t just be friends with Will and I couldn’t really be with him.
This was about to get complicated.
“So, how does this feel?” he said, taking my hand and entwining our fingers. I hoped my hand wasn’t sweaty.
How did it feel? Right. Safe. Perfect.
“I guess this is okay.” I was glad he couldn’t feel the heat radiating up my arm from where our skin made contact.
“Okay is good.”
“It is.” For now.
9
“Is this okay?” Will said breathlessly a week later when his hand had started making its way up my shirt as we lay on my bed. I wasn’t really sure how it happened. One minute we were watching a movie and the next we were horizontal and I was trying to remember if I’d worn cute underwear or not.
“Um, red light,” I said, despite my entire body screaming at me to shut up and let him continue what he was doing. I wanted it, wanted him, but having sex with Will right now wasn’t a good idea. It was the opposite of a good idea.
As soon as the words left my mouth, Will withdrew his hand and sprung away from me as if I’d caught fire, a look of terror on his face.
“I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have . . .”
I waved my hand.
“No, it’s not completely your fault. I guess we just sort of got caught up in the moment.” More like ensnared in the moment.
“I think I should probably sit over here,” he said, sliding down to the opposite end of the bed. Part of me wanted to protest and make him come back over and continue with what he’d started, but I moved away from him instead.
“Okay,” I said, turning my attention back to the movie. I’d completely forgotten what we were watching, but it took five seconds to realize it was one of the Star Wars movies. Somehow Will had convinced me to watch them. Again. My one caveat was that he had to watch all the Harry Potter movies with me.
“Aud?”
“Hm?” I could feel Will’s eyes watching my face.
“Will you come to the party with me tonight? I know it’s not really your thing, but it will be a lot more fun if you’re there.” Sometimes it astonished me that two such different people as Will and me could find common ground. He made interacting with just about anyone look effortless. He had such an easy smile and could talk to anyone, whereas I seemed to forget how to talk and spent most of the time in a corner.
I knew about the party way before now, and I’d already agreed to go with Lottie and the other girls, but I couldn’t say no to Will. Well, at least where a party was concerned.
“Sure, I’ll go with you.” He smiled so brightly, but then suppressed it. I bit my lip and pretended I didn’t notice.
“Great. So I’ll pick you up around seven?”
“Sounds good.” He brushed his still-long hair back from his eyes. I guess he’d taken me seriously about not cutting it all off. My fingers twitched, remembering how it had felt to be touching that hair only a few minutes before. For a guy, he must have used good conditioner.
We watched the movie in silence, which was odd for Will. He loved to talk during movies, but I didn’t mind, especially when he got so excited about something he’d seen a million times.
He was thinking hard about something, and I hoped it wasn’t the fact that I’d told him to stop when we’d been making out. It definitely wasn’t because Will was a bad kisser.
I knew from reading between the lines, and from what Lottie had told me, that he had had a lot of kissing experience. I was very glad of this experience and chose to ignore the fact that he’d used them on girls who weren’t me. He had a set of lips and he knew exactly how to use them.
After a few more minutes of Will’s silence, I couldn’t take it anymore.
“What are you thinking about?” I turned my body so I was facing him.
He kept his eyes on the television screen.
“Nothing much. Just have a lot of homework. I really shouldn’t have made that resolution about my GPA. It’s hard enough keeping up with you without worrying about my grades.” What the hell was he talking about?
“What do you mean by keeping up with me?”
He finally looked at me.
“I’m not sure if you’re aware of this, but you’re very intimidating, Aud.”
He was so serious it made me snort.
“No, you are,” he said as I shook my head. “And the best part is that you have no idea.”
Someone had told me something similar once. As soon as I touched the edge of the memory, all kinds of things flooded forward. Things I definitely didn’t want to think about when I was with Will. I pushed them aside, but I knew they would be back later. They always came back.
She was being . . . more difficult to figure out than normal, which was definitely saying something. I spent a lot of time sitting around and dissecting our conversations.
At least she’d agreed to go to the party with me, even after I’d gotten handsy and she’d told me to stop. I kind of wanted to die of shame, but she seemed just as embarrassed as I was.