Simon sat next to Brady on his bed and gave him a kiss.
“You’re so good to me and my roommate,” Simon said.
“My mother taught me right.” I hadn’t met Brady’s mom, but Simon was a little obsessed with her and from what Brady said, the feeling was mutual. I was glad for him, because his own mother couldn’t get past the fact that her son was g*y, and I wasn’t sure if she ever would. Her loss.
“Yes, she did.”
I finished my bagel and grabbed my coffee so I wasn’t late for class. Lottie was always making fun of me for choosing a major that had tennis as a class, but I also had to take a ton of science, math and medical classes. Kinesiology wasn’t a major for idiots, even though a lot of idiots went into it. There had been plenty of dropouts already.
My morning classes were a blur of mapping ions, crunching numbers and studying the chambers of the human heart. I barely had a moment for lunch, so I was rushing to my last class (psych) and cramming a sandwich in my mouth when I nearly smashed into a girl with silky hair and the best legs I’d ever seen.
“Hi, Will,” she said automatically.
“Hi, Aud,” I said, swallowing quickly and hoping I didn’t have anything on my face or in my teeth.
I loved the look that passed over her face when I called her that. One of the reasons I did it was because it made her smile like that. Just for me. I wanted to stop and stare at her for . . . well forever, but I was in a hurry.
“Look, I really have to go,” I said at the same time she said, “I’m sorry, but I have to get to class.” We both laughed and had to move out of the way so we didn’t cause a bottleneck.
Sometimes I felt so awkward with Audrey. She completely knocked me off-balance. Lottie would tell me that was a good thing, but it was still frustrating and embarrassing.
“Well, bye,” I said, hoping my face wasn’t totally red.
“Yeah, bye.” She gave me a little wave, which was un-Audrey-like. I stared after her for as long as I could before shoving the last bite of sandwich in my mouth and heading to class.
Why did I get so tongue-tied when I saw Will unexpectedly? It was so stupid. He wasn’t a stranger, and I wasn’t uncomfortable around him. It was inexplicable and I wished I could do something about it.
I shook my head at myself as I walked back to my room after my last class. Lottie was picking me up for dinner in a bit. We alternated nights at Lottie and Zan’s and Stryker and Katie’s so no one would have responsibility for feeding all of us. Despite their protests, I gave them money every week to pay for groceries. They were saving me a lot of money at the dining hall.
I pulled out my phone and turned it on to check to see if I had any texts. I always kept my phone off during classes on the random chance that someone tried to call me and I didn’t turn the ringer off. I’d heard about one professor who’d taken a kid’s phone and smashed it in front of the whole class. It had come out later that it was a stunt with his teaching assistant, but I didn’t want to take any chances.
There was a missed call and a voicemail from my mother. That was odd. She normally didn’t call me, and especially not during the day. My stomach sank and I felt my panic level rise as I listened to her message.
“Hi Audrey. I’m just calling because I talked to Maria today. There’s something she needs to talk to you about. Call her.” I had to sit down on my bed.
I listened to the message again, just to make sure I had the gist of it right before I deleted it. My mom had given me just enough information, but also not enough, so if I wanted to find out what was up, I’d have to call my aunt.
I lay back on my bed and grabbed my pillow and screamed into it. Why now? What did she want? She’d promised not to contact me. That was our deal.
She and Mom talked, I knew that. They were sisters, after all. They’d always been close and connected before I’d come in and destroyed that. No wonder Mom was still so angry with me.
I wanted to cry, to release some kind of emotion, but the tears wouldn’t come. Instead of anger, or fear, or ANYTHING, all I could feel was blank. My body was a container, and everything had been poured out and I was left with an empty shell. I touched my face, just to make sure I was still real. It was a habit I’d picked up a few months ago.
I didn’t move or do anything until there was a knock at my door, signaling it was time to go to dinner. I couldn’t move.
Voices outside my door exchanged words, but I still couldn’t move. Finally, someone busted through the door.
“No, she’s here. Audrey? It’s time to go to dinner,” Trish said, bouncing onto my bed. I turned my head to the side. I was still empty.
“Are you okay?” She peered into my face.
“What’s wrong?” Lottie said, swinging her keys around.
“I think she’s broken,” Trish said, jabbing my arm with her finger. The little bite of pain snapped me out of my frozen state.
“I’m okay,” I said in a flat voice that didn’t sound like it belonged to me.
Trish squinted at me.
“You sure as hell don’t look okay.” She poked me again. “What’s up? Did you get less than a perfect grade?” If she only knew. But she never would, if things went the way I wanted them to.
“No, I was just thinking.” Lottie was staring at me with her searing blue eyes, so much like Will’s. I had to look away so I didn’t think of him. Also so she wouldn’t see into my soul in that way of hers.
“Well, it looked painful. And I’m starving.” Trish slapped me on the shoulder as I grabbed my coat and gloves and locked my door.
Lottie was quiet as we walked to her car and all crammed inside. It reminded me of the Weasleys’ car, with the interior that was much larger than it looked on the outside. You could probably fit six people in here if you tried, which might be a fun activity if the weather was warmer.
I could feel her watching me and trying not to say anything, which made her twitchy and jumpy. Like the words were struggling to get out of her body and it was an effort to hold them in.
Might as well get it over with.
“What do you want to say, Lot?”
She breathed for a second and then pulled away from the curb.
“There’s something bothering you. I’ve never seen your face like that and obviously it’s something that you don’t want to tell us and that scares me and I’m worried that you’re in something bad and you can’t get out.” Like all her other speeches, the words came out so fast they blurred into one another and if I wasn’t used to her talking this way, I would have been lost.