Maddie's hair falls down and blocks her face from my view as she sits, not making eye contact with me. In fact, she didn't look anywhere close to me. I can't pretend that shit doesn't hurt, 'cause it damn well does.
I watch her all lesson instead of paying attention. How am I supposed to concentrate on anything but her? All there is, is Maddie. All there is, is everything that could have, would have, and should have been.
When class ends, I push my way through towards her table, catching them as they leave. Aston shakes his head, but I don't care. I have to talk to her.
“Meggy.” I nod at her and look at the person I'm really there for. “Maddie.”
She looks straight ahead, clutching a book to her chest. “Braden,” she says softly.
“How was Brooklyn?”
“It was.... Fine, thank you. How are you?”
“I'm....” I catch the warning look Megan shoots me. “I'm good. I guess.”
She nods slightly. “I've gotta....”
“Sure.” I open the classroom door for them, wanting to rip it off its hinges. “See you later.”
“Yeah, see you,” she whispers and leaves quickly. Megan shoots me an evil glare and points her finger.
“Not what she needed,” she hisses.
“I needed to see her, Meggy.” I meet her eyes, and they soften. “I needed to speak to her. She is.... She's okay, right?”
She sighs, her whole body sagging. “I don't know what you want me to say, Bray. But.... Sure, if it makes you feel better, she's fine.”
“And if it doesn't?” I clench my teeth.
“Then she's still fine.” She turns around and runs after Maddie.
I make a sound of disbelief and anger. Aston grabs the door to stop me slamming it and gives me a look.
So I get a little crazy where Maddie is concerned.
~
I avoid the cafeteria like a plague knowing she'll be in there. It was more painful seeing her than I thought it would be. Instead of going there like I normally would, I head back to the frat house. I dump my backpack on the floor by my desk and drop back onto my bed, my hands clasped behind my head.
I had so many grand plans of how I'd get her to talk to me. I was determined to make her listen, make her believe I love her, but then.... I see her, and all that disappears because I don't wanna talk to her.
I just wanna grab her. I wanna hold her tight and stroke her hair. I want to kiss the corners of her eyes and never let go of her. Because she's mine.
Goddammit, Maddie Stevens is mine. And that's the bottom line. It always will be.
She'll always be mine – and I'll always be hers.
Chapter Forty-Seven – Maddie
Two days after speaking to Braden after English, and I still haven't recovered. Where the crap has my 'bounce-back' mechanism gone? The freakin' springs are probably broken, actually. It's been used so many times, it's probably fed up of bouncing my ass when I fall on it.
This time it's on me. This time, it's on me to pull myself together and get up from the low I seem to have sunk to emotionally.
I also need to magically grow a pair of balls and actually go to the frat house for the books I left there because staring at it sadly from my bedroom window isn't bringing them to me. Seeing Braden – in a classroom I can deal with, but in the frat house? His house? His room?
Could I ever deal with that?
If I went, would I come back even more broken than I am now?
No, no, I'm not broken. I'm strong, just like he said. And I can go over there. I can do it.
I slip my pumps onto my feet and run my fingers through my hair anxiously, shutting the door behind me. My feet seem to echo in the empty hallway as I slowly make my way down the stairs. I shiver despite the warm evening air, and wrap my arms around my body.
I pause on the sidewalk next to the frat house for a second, and the door opens. Kyle.
“Maddie?” He frowns, doing a double-take.
“I, er.... Is Braden there?” I ask softly.
“Yeah, he's in. I thought you-”
“We're not. I just.... I left some books here.” I look down. “I need them back.”
“Oh, sure. Give me a minute, I'll get them.”
I nod and hear the door shut. I bounce uncomfortably, bending my knees and study the cracks in the sidewalk.
It was once perfect, flawless, but now it's cracked and broken. Just like me.
“Maddie?” Braden's voice is hesitant. It's a tone I've never heard before.
“Hi.” I look up and fake a smile. I hide the frantic beat of my heart and shaking of my hands.
“I've got your books.” He steps out and holds them out. I grind my back teeth together and reach out, cursing my shaking hands. “Are you cold?”
“Uh, a little. I think the change in air is making me sick,” I lie. “I should get back.” I tuck the books against my chest and make to move.
“You're okay? Your Dad.... He's okay?”
I wish he didn't care. “Yeah. I'm good. Dad's good,” I smile slightly and make the mistake of meeting his eyes. “What?”
He sighs. “You're lying.”
“Why would I be lying? I'm fine, Braden, just like you are.” The words sound hollow even to my ears. “I needed to get away and now I'm back. I'm fine. I'm sure your life is how it was before both of us started those games-”
“You're wrong.” He slams the door behind him and storms down the steps. I step back.
“Braden-”
“It's not like it was before you, Maddie, not at all. I might be just as lonely and just as pathetic, but it's not the same because there will never be another you. It's not f**king possible.” He stops in front of me and looks down. His hands are clenched tightly in fists at his sides. “You.... It's just you. No one else. Without you, it's all f**king pointless. Without you....” He growls in his throat and touches the side of my head, his fingers sinking into my hair. I swallow the lump in my throat and hold back the tears forming.
“Without me, your life is better,” I choke out and step back, turning and running across the road.
“Without you it's all bullshit, Angel!” he yells after me. “You give it all meaning. You make every day worth it so you're wrong! Before.... Before was before I had you. Now I've had you and I've lost you, and nothing can ever compare to having you, Maddie!”
I shake my head and run faster, leaving him standing there. Tears stream freely down my cheeks, and I hiccup a sob, covering my mouth with my hands. I punch the code into the keypad through blurry eyes and climb the stairs two at a time.