Chapter Forty-Nine – Maddie
Inside, my body is in overdrive. My heart is pounding, my blood is rushing through my body, and adrenaline is filling every spot possible. I'm so angry – yet I'm so broken and I want him.
Outside, I'm frozen to the spot.
“No,” I say, looking away from him.
“Yes.” His voice is begging me to believe him, to believe he still wants me.
That he loves me.
“We both played the game,” he says softly. “Both of us, Maddie. We both had the same goal, and we both achieved it. Don't you get it yet? I fell in love with you, Angel. I'm still in f**king love with you. What did you think would happen? Did you think I'd just let you walk right on out of my life like you were nothing?”
I nod.
“Shit, Maddie!” He lets go of me and turns, rubbing his face. A tear drips from my eye. “Did you really f**king think that? That I'd let you go from everything to nothing? 'Cause that's what you are. That's what you have been. Everything. You're f**king everything.”
He steps towards me and cups my face again. He pulls my face up until my tear-filled eyes meet his unusually dusky blue ones.
“Maybe this is what I should have said the other day. You know I'm no good with dating. I had to look on Google for where to take you for our second date, for f**k sake.” I smile a little. “I'm no good at this, Maddie. I've messed up big time and it probably won't be the last. Maybe shouting at you about how crap my life is without you wasn't my smartest move, but damn it.... I'm so lost without you around. I can't let this go, Maddie, and I'm not going to. You can run all you like, but I'll catch up with you every time, and when I do I'm gonna try and prove to you how right we are together.”
A tear drops from my eye, and he dips his head, kissing it away. He rests the side of his forehead against mine.
“I love you, Angel. I can't stand there and watch you with Kyle acting like everything is all right, 'cause it ain't. The only way it can be all right is if you're by my side. In some f**ked up way, me and you, we're perfect for each other.”
I half-laugh, half-sob. “I don't care about Kyle. Not like that. He knows that.”
Tears spill from my eyes and Braden pulls me close. My arms wrap around his waist and my face presses into his hard chest.
“I love you,” I whisper through my tears. “But I'm scared, Bray, I'm scared everything I think I know about us is wrong. I'm scared that maybe it's always gonna go wrong.”
“I'm not Pearce,” he says into my ear. “I'm not him. I'm never gonna hurt you, control you or lie to you. Anymore,” he adds about the lying.
“We both did that. We both lied. We were both wrong,” I admit sadly.
“It brought you to me, Maddie. Something that does that can never be wrong.”
I look up at him, and he brushes his lips against mine. I stand on my tiptoes and kiss him a little harder.
“Mine, Maddie.” His blue eyes are clearing, the electric blue I know so well returning. “You will always be mine.” He wipes the tears from my cheeks softly.
“Yours,” I agree with no other choice. I can't ever see another choice. My hands move and I grip his collar pulling his face to mine. I graze his bottom lip between my teeth. “But that means you're mine.”
“Are you going cavewoman on me?” He smirks slowly.
I smile, the first genuine smile since I saw my Dad. “Me, Maddie. Braden, mine.” I kiss him again.
His arms circle my back, and we move sideways towards the bed. I spin us and push him back onto the mattress. I fall on top of him and straddle him, my dress rising up my thighs. Braden's hands stroke my thighs, his thumbs probing the insides of them.
I sink my fingers into his hair and hold on tightly, kissing him for all it's worth.
My past doesn't matter. It may always haunt me, and I know it'll always be in my mind and my heart, but I can't let it control me anymore. If I let it control me, it'll control my relationship.
We might not be forever. Our first love might not be our last. I can't predict where we'll be five, ten, even fifteen years from now, but I can't let my past rule my future. My past has shaped me into the person I am today, and knowing that means I can let go of all of my doubts and hold onto what I have. I can let go of my thoughts of my brother and hold onto Braden as tight as he'll let me.
Because, sometimes, letting go is the key to holding on.
Epilogue – Braden
In the two days since I dragged Maddie back to my room in a move that would put Fred Flintstone to shame, she’s barely left my side. Brooklyn was too far – too f**kin’ far – and I’ll be damned if I’m giving her the chance to escape again.
Paranoid? Probably, but when you have it, you have it. And I have it.
The door clicks open, and Maddie comes flying in. She launches herself on the bed and sits in front of me, grinning at me like a madwoman. Her eyes are shining, her cheeks are flushed, and her hair is mussed. It makes me think about us just having sex, and I grab her waist and lie back, settling her on top of me.
“Guess what?” she says, excitement and happiness threaded in her tone.
“What?”
“I just spoke to Jayne – oh, that’s Abbi’s nurse – and she said that Abbi asked to join in with a group activity yesterday!”
I slide my arms around her waist, and she kisses me firmly.
“That’s good, right?” I double check. Hell, I have no idea.
Maddie nods, her hair bouncing with the movement. The ends tickle my face and I sniff a little. “It’s amazing,” she squeals. “It means she’s broken through whatever wall was holding her back, whatever was keeping her lost inside her mind and her memories. Their hope now is she’ll start talking more to her doctor, and they can really help her.”
Her excitement and happiness is infectious, but I can see the shadow of sadness in her eyes. “Hey,” I say softly, trailing my fingers up her spine. “You know you couldn’t stop what happened to her. You already saved her life, Angel, and you going to Brooklyn probably saved it again without you even realising you were doing it.”
She breathes in deeply, and her lips curl up slightly. “It’s scary how well you know me.”
“Not scary.” I grin. “Totally natural if you’re in love.”
“Oh, in love are we?” she mocks, raising an eyebrow. I growl playfully at her and flip us over so she’s lying under me.
“Yes. In love.” I look down into her green eyes as they search my face, and I dip my head so my lips press against hers. She tastes sweet, and chocolate chips linger on her tongue as she flicks it against my mouth.