Abbi nods slowly, her hair swaying. “The noise is nice,” she says quietly.
“I bet.” I reach over and touch her hand. She grips it with her bony fingers.
“What is college like?”
I inhale sharply and look at her. Her eyes are watching the group activity, the only indication she's giving I'm here apart from talking is the way she's holding my hand.
“It's.... Different to high school. I mean, there are less classes and more free time. And a Starbucks just around the corner.” Abbi's lips twitch. “I've made some friends, like I said, but I wish you were there.” She nods.
“Me, too. We would have killed Cali, right?” She looks at me again.
“We still will,” I promise. “One day, Abs, me and you will show Cali the time of its life. Okay?”
Her lips twitch again. “Deal, deal, pig squeal.”
“Deal, deal, squeaky eel.” I smile at our childhood rhyme.
“Who is he?” She tilts her head to the side, her eyes finding a spot behind me.
“Who is who?” I say tentatively.
“The reason you're sad.”
“I'm not sad.”
She nods, her eyes unfocused. “You are. I can see it. What did he do?”
“He didn't really do anything. It was both of us.”
“What's his name?”
“Braden.”
Her head bobs. “Tell me.”
“Are you-”
“Tell me. I want to know, Maddie.”
I take a deep breath, and I pour out the story. I start at the challenge and finish at my arrival to St. Morris'.
We're silent for a while after I finish, the only noise the fall birds chirping in the yard and the wind whipping around us.
“Can we go back?” Abbi asks.
“Sure, Abs. Come on.”
We make our way to her room, stopping off at the nurse's station to check in with Jayne. I help Abbi from her coat and back into the chair.
“You love him,” Abbi says matter of factly, settling into the cushions. She's looking out the window again.
“Yes, I do,” I admit, standing beside her.
“So tell him,” she replies simply. “We have to tell people sometimes.... Because they don't always know. It's a little word that means a lot. Sometimes, love is all you need, even when you think you don't. Sometimes, you just have to say it.”
I beat back the rising tears desperately, refusing to cry in front of her.
I bend over and kiss the top of her head. “I love you, Abbi.”
“I love you, Maddie.”
“I'll see you soon.” I choke the words out and head towards the door. As I open it, I know Abbi is lost back in her own world again, where the only constant is pain. I'm glad I could give her the freedom from it she so desperately needed.
I acknowledge Jayne at the desk and all but run back to the car. I yank the door open and slide in, pulling the door shut with a bang behind me.
Finally, I let the emotion overtake me. Tears spill over my eyes, and I rest my forehead against the steering wheel, holding it tightly. The tears drip down onto my legs and I know she was right. Even in her 'damaged' state, my best friend can still talk more sense than I can mentally healthy.
So tell him. It's not that easy, but what if I did? Would that make me like Abbi?
Maybe getting out now was for the best. A month – any longer, and I might have become dependent. But.... Braden isn't Pearce and I know that.
Besides, if it was all bad, then I wouldn't be hurting so much.
Chapter Forty-Four – Braden
It's Thursday night, and some prick – I don't know who – had decided to have a party at the frat house. I'd put my money on Aston. He's been trying to get me out of my 'fuckin' ridiculous mood' since Maddie left.
But it doesn't work like that.
She's been in Brooklyn for five days now. Every day she's there, she's not here. I know, Captain Fucking Obvious with that statement, but I want her here.
I want her here in front of me so I can cup her cheeks and wipe away the tears. I want to hold her and promise her the world, apologize for everything. I want to know she feels the same. I want to know it wasn't just a game for her, either.
The worst part is I'd play it all over again if it meant another few weeks where we were happy.
“Look, I'm not interested.” I gently push yet another girl away from me. She pouts and sticks her chest out, batting her eyelashes. I sigh and shake my head, turning my attention to where Megan is throwing back shots with Kay. The girl behind me disappears.
Megan catches my eye and smiles sadly. I stand and push my way over to her.
“Have you spoken to her?” I ask hopefully. She hesitates. “Megan!”
She nods. “Today.”
“And?”
“She'll be back tomorrow,” she answers softly. “She's done everything she needed to.”
“What does that mean?”
“I don't really know what rights you have to ask that question, Carter.” Kay raises an eyebrow at me.
I look at her. “And I don't get what rights you have to bitch to me, considering you're part of the reason we're both f**kin' miserable – and why Maddie is in Brooklyn.”
She looks away, ashamed, and Megan flinches.
“Meggy, I know you never-”
“But we did,” she interrupts me. “We did hurt you, and we hurt both of you. If anyone is to blame, it's us, and Ryan and Aston. They have to accept their part in it.” She scowls over my shoulder. “Especially Aston.”
I don't even wanna look.
“We're all a little to blame, I guess.” I shrug. “I just have to hope I can make it up to her when she gets back. If she wants to talk to me.”
“If she wants to see you,” Kay reminds me. “Hey, I'm just sayin', ya know? She didn't before.”
“Thanks, Kay,” I snap and turn, pushing my way through the kitchen to the yard.
Ignoring a couple making out against the wall, I jump from the porch and head towards the trees at the end of the grass. I lean back against a tree and pull my cell from my pocket, scrolling through the numbers until I reach hers. My finger hovers over the call button, but I eventually settle on sending a text. I write several and delete them all, settling on three words – three secondary words, 'cause I'm too damn chicken to send the real ones.
I miss you.
Chapter Forty-Five – Maddie
Pushing my thoughts of Braden to the back of my mind, I pull my suitcase down the stairs. It's been a strange few days at home, rife with emotion and thinking. And the worst is yet to come, because I still haven't admitted to Dad why I came home so quickly. I know he's about to find out.