“I’m sorry, maybe I shouldn’t have…”
“Mac, don’t apologize, you did nothing wrong. It’s just taking a lot of self-control not to punch something, preferably that ass**le’s f**king head.”
I stand there, mouth agape, for a few minutes, taking in his words. Especially when I realize that he is angry for me, not at me.
He turns around, leaning his back against the glass, and stares down at me. “Keep going, gorgeous. I want to hear it.”
“Okay,” I reply shakily. “Kate kept telling me to come home, but there was no way Beau would let me leave, not unless it was his doing. So the more overbearing he became, the more trapped I felt, even when he wasn’t home. Usually he was off getting high and sleeping around.”
“Mac, you don’t-”
I snap my eyes up at him. “Yeah, I do.” He nods and I continue.
“Six months after moving, I found out I was pregnant. I’d always taken precautions, but somehow my shot had run out. Anyway, when he came home from work that night, and I told him, he went crazy mad. Kept saying it was my fault and how he didn’t want a bastard child with me. We got into a fight, and he slapped me down and stormed out. Later that night, I miscarried in the shower. I rang Kate, and she had me on the next flight home.”
He walks across the room towards the kitchen and braces himself against the counter, gripping his fingers tightly around the edge.
I get up and walk over to him gingerly, still affected by the night’s alcohol consumption, and worried about his reaction to what I’ve just said. I put my hand on his back, and he flinches.
“I just need a minute.” His voice is strained and rough. I can tell he’s trying to rein it in for me.
“I’m glad Kate was there for you,” he says, his voice laced with sadness.
“Me too. Doesn’t help with the guilt, though. I’ve always believed that I willed it to happen. Like I unconsciously wanted to miscarry.”
Hearing that, he turns around and places his hands on my waist. Pulling my body tight against his.
“Mac, it doesn’t work like that. It wasn’t your fault,” he says softly.
“I know, but it doesn’t make me feel any better. After that, I made a vow to myself that I would never let a man get close enough to break me. And I was doing well until you kind of wormed your way in.” I smile up at him.
He stands there, his eyes intent on my face. In this light, their caramel color almost looks amber. I get lost in him...his eyes, his face, his look of sadness. The slight flicker of latent heat grows stronger as the moments pass by.
I take a deep breath and whisper, “I want this...us.”
“Gorgeous, right now, those are the best four words I’ve ever heard come out of that beautiful mouth.”
And then I see it. The look he’s giving me. It’s the same look that terrified me a week ago, but right now it’s making my heart feel close to bursting.
“Okay,” I reply, burrowing my head into the nook between his neck and collarbone, relishing in his delicious smell as it surrounds me. This shit should be bottled and sold.
Then it hits me. My stomach turns, and I feel the tell-tale sign that my night is about to turn south. “Fuck,” I spit out as I turn and run towards the bathroom, getting there just before I start retching into the toilet.
I hear footsteps behind me and I start crying.
“I’m so sorry,” I sob, falling onto my side next to the claw footed tub and hugging my legs.
“Hey,” he says, squatting down in front of me. “Let’s get you in the shower. Then I think it might be time to put our talk on hold until morning, okay?”
“But, there’s still more to say,” I stutter.
“What you’ve told me tonight is enough. Now, we need to get you cleaned up and home to bed.”
“I don’t wanna go home, I wanna stay with you.”
“Okay, gorgeous. In the shower, and I’ll clean up in here. “
I lift my head and look around, winching at the mess in and around the toilet bowl.
“Oh my God, I’m so sorry,” I say, horrified.
Daniel chuckles. “It’s okay. We’ve all had these moments. You forget that I used to room with Noah in college.” He pulls me up to my feet, and leans around me to turn the shower on.
I step into the steaming hot shower and relish in the night being washed away from me. I sit down on the corner seat and rest my head against the side of the shower as I close my eyes just for a moment. That’s the last thing I remember until I wake up in Daniel’s bed a few hours later.
Chapter 20 – “Easier In Bed”
I roll over and realize that I’m still at Daniel’s apartment and that he obviously put me to bed after I fell asleep in the shower.
Through the faint moonlight that is sneaking through the curtains, I can see his gorgeous face angled towards me as he sleeps. It may be creepy, but I’m probably still half drunk, so I prop myself up on my elbow and just watch him for a while. There is nothing better than seeing someone without any pretense; without any masks or walls.
There are no frown lines, no stress. His face looks flawless, much like the way he was on the first night I saw him on the train. He was sex on a stick hot, every girl’s wet dream (yes, they can, and do, happen!)
I can’t resist touching him, so I don’t.
I run the back of my hand across his jaw, enjoying the roughness of his day old stubble as it scrapes against my skin. My body heats as I imagine other places where I’d love him to rub his prickly cheek against.
The tell-tale flush of desire rushes through me, my breathing increases as my hand drifts down his neck onto his chest which rises and falls steadily as he sleeps. I rake my nails through the small smattering of chest hair he has as he groans softly in reply.
Sitting up on my knees, I lean forward and trace my tongue around his nipple, gently sucking as it hardens in my mouth. Repaying the favor to the other side, my heavy br**sts drag across his chest before I feel his hands reaching up and cupping them between us.
I look down and see two sleepy hooded eyes staring back at me.
“C’mere, gorgeous,” he whispers, his voice husky with sleep and need.
I move my body so that I’m lying on top of him, his hardening length pressing into my soft stomach as I gently grind my hips against his. And when I bend my head down, and our lips finally meet, I hold nothing back. Knowing he’s awake now, all I want him to do is feel how much I need him, how much I want this. I want to use my body to say the words that I feel but can’t yet say.