“Mac, don’t bullshit me. You can’t go back to what you had. Hasn’t the time you spent with Daniel shown you anything? You loved it. You shined, babe. That man showed me what a great relationship can do for you. You laughed, you smiled, you screamed our freaking roof off on a regular basis.”
And with that, the dam breaks. “Oh, Kate, I’ve really f**ked this up, haven’t I?”
“Mmm hmm. But don’t you worry, Mac. You’ll get through this. You always do,” she adds, topping up my wine glass. “Here’s to learning from life’s mistakes and fixing f**k ups.”
Chapter 18 – “It’s All Your Fault”
For the rest of the week, I bury myself in work. Kate was right in giving me one day to wallow and feel sorry for myself. Tuesday through Saturday I worked my ass off. If there was a double shift, I took it. Overtime? Sign me up. The more I worked, the less time and energy I had to even think about Daniel Winters and what he might be doing.
Was he missing me? Did he want to contact me? Had he decided to run back to Nasty Nikki and create the perfect life that had been expected of them?
See, what did I tell you? Free time plus thinking equals me wondering about Daniel and what he’s doing, who he’s doing, is he thinking about me, does he miss me? It’s endless.
Now it’s 5 p.m. Saturday and I’ve just got off the L after working a day shift. I’m dead tired after working way too many hours this week, but it has done me a world of good to get my mind off everything and to just focus on me. The ache in my chest has not eased though, and even on the small breaks I’d get at work, my mind would wander.
I’m a few blocks away from home when the smell of coffee redirects my journey inside my favorite café and towards the counter for a large white chocolate mocha. When I reach the counter, I see the barista walking towards a table in the corner. Being the nosy bitch I am, I can’t help looking around the shop. I freeze when I see Daniel sitting in the corner next to a gorgeous looking Nasty Nikki.
I know she has seen me when a smug expression covers her face and her eyes squint at me. She knows she has my attention, and dammit she goes in for the kill. A growl escapes me when she puts her hand over his. It’s not an overly romantic gesture, but it’s definitely one of comfort and familiarity, of someone who has known him for years and can’t wait to get back in there. This time it’s the bitch troll’s turn to say ‘Fuck You’ to me, and she’s loving every minute of it.
Fuck! I need to get out of here before he sees me, or before I go bitch slap her ass.
As I move to run out of the shop, I hear the barista call out my order. “Large White Chocolate Mocha for Mac!” he bellows, getting the attention of the room.
Shit!
Fuck!
Damn!
“You have it. Call it a random act of kindness. Gotta go,” I quickly say to the teenage boy holding my coffee as I turn and make the mistake of taking one last cursory glance towards the corner. When I lock eyes with his caramel ones, I lose my train of thought. Hell, I lose all sense of time and place.
I see him drag his hand harshly away from Nikki and go to stand up.
Being the coward I am, I spin on my heels and run out of the shop, leaving Daniel and my caffeine fix in my wake. I hear him call out my name, but I don’t dare turn around, and don’t stop walking until I’m safely inside my front door.
“What the hell happened to you?” Kate asks, walking out from the hallway towards the kitchen.
“What do you mean?”
“You look like you’ve just seen a puppy die, Mac. Bad day at work?”
I sigh. “Am I that obvious?”
“Ah, yep. I thought you were doing okay?” she asks, quirking a perfectly manicured eyebrow.
“I am. Well, I was. Oh, I dunno. I just saw Superman and Nasty Nikki having coffee, and she touched him and gave me the classic bitch troll glare that told me she was trying to worm her way back in, and then I tried to run out before he knew I was there, but we locked eyes, and he called out to me, and I ran out and didn’t look back.”
She shakes her head and smirks at me. “Can you breathe now because I swear to God you’re gonna keel over if you keep ranting without stopping to take a breath.”
I giggle and walk over towards the breakfast bar where she’s sitting. “Drinks, lots of them, tonight?” I say, resting my head on her shoulder and snuggling into her side.
“Abso-fucking-lutely. And I’m dateless tonight, so it’s just you and me, old school girls night out!” she says excitedly.
Perfect. A night out with my best friend. Getting dressed up, dancing, copious amounts of liquor and mindless flirting that isn’t going to lead anywhere. The perfect antidote to a confused heart.
I go for an ‘easy to wear when drunk’ outfit. Skinny jeans, high-heeled boots (maybe not so great when drunk, but they look hot), and a sparkly silver one shoulder top that accentuates the ‘girls’ and is great for dancing in.
After a bottle of wine between us and dancing around our living room to MTV’s dance hits marathon, we’re dressed to the nines and ready to hit the town. I’ve told Kate I don’t want to go to the club because I know if I ran into Sean right now, I’d do more than hump his leg. I’d mount him like a prize pony and ride him all night long. So we’re at 42nd Street Bar, the bar where Daniel met me for our first date. Dammit, can’t I ever stop thinking about the guy? He’s just a guy, a great guy, but not my guy.
Not anymore.
I hook my arm into Kate’s, and we plant ourselves on a couple of bar stools at the left hand side of the bar. She orders us a tequila shot each with a Cosmo chaser. Holy hell, I guess we’re not taking it slow tonight.
“You trying to get me drunk?” I ask with a giggle.
“You betcha. Drunk Mac equals relaxed, carefree Mac, and that’s what you need right now. So as your best ho from another bro, I’m rising to the challenge.” She winks at me, and I know that I’m gonna be messy by night’s end.
Perfect!
Three shots and three Cosmos in, and I’m in my happy clappy place. The music’s pumping, Kate and I can’t stop laughing as she tells me about her latest dating disaster. The guy actually itemized the dinner bill, then split the tip with her before saying she had to leave because his mom was coming to pick him up. Real winner right there.
“Let’s dance!” Kate shouts at me over the music.
I nod and grab her hand as we head towards the dance floor. I feel my phone vibrate in my back pocket, but I ignore it. Whoever it is can wait. Tonight, it’s girl’s night, no penises allowed, arranged or otherwise.