She motions me to scoot over to the passenger seat. ‘No way. I’m not telling. You’re just going to have to trust me.’
It only takes me a beat to move over. Because in the end, I do trust her more than anything else in my life.
Chapter 10
#146 Relive the Best Part of the Past.
Callie
He freaked me out. Not with what he said about his feeling toward his family – that’s understandable – but he cut himself again and has that lost look in his eyes like he did last year when he was pushing me away. And while it’s not as bad as it was, it still has me worried I might lose him to himself if he decides to go back into that dark place inside his head.
Yes, I know I could live without him if I had to, know life would have to go on, but goddammit, I don’t want to live my life without Kayden. He means more to me than anyone else that’s in or has ever been in my life. Whether he realizes it or not, he saved me once when I was stuck in a dark place. And I want to show him so he’ll understand what he means to me, that he is important, that he’s a good person, and that happiness does exist every single day when he’s with me.
The first place I take him to is the campus. I know he’s completely confused when I pull into the mostly vacant parking lot and park the car as close as I can to the main entrance.
‘You know it’s almost midnight,’ Kayden says, unbuckling his seatbelt. ‘If someone sees us, they might call the cops, especially considering it’s Halloween.’
‘I know.’ I unfasten my own seatbelt, open the door, and the night breeze is gusting in. ‘But it’s worth the risk. I promise.’
Confused, he gets out of the car then meets me at the front and slips his fingers through mine. We walk silently across the icy grass, holding hands, and counting the stars. In the distance, I can hear the sounds of shouting and music, probably from a party, but still, the emptiness around us makes me feel at peace.
‘This alone is making me feel better.’ Kayden shucks off his jacket. ‘Other than you look like you’re freezing to death.’
‘I’m fine,’ I tell him, but he makes me take his jacket any way. I slip my arms through the sleeves and breathe the musky scent of his cologne.
‘Smell good?’ He cracks a smile for the first time when he notices me sniffing the fabric of his jacket.
‘I like the smell of you,’ I admit, taking another deep inhale. His smile expands and makes my heart in my chest do the same thing. ‘I’m glad you’re smiling; I was getting worried.’
He sighs, the smile vanishing from his face. ‘I hate that I make you worry so much.’
‘You worry about me all the time,’ I point out, ‘and whether or not I’m getting what I deserve, which I am.’
His lips part to argue, but then he seals them back up when I come to a stop in the center of the sidewalk. The only thing nearby is the old-looking brick entrance to the main office of the University of Wyoming that’s surrounded by trees and a few benches.
‘So this’ – I gesture at the ground with my hand – ‘is the first thing I want to show you.’
His brow furrows as he stares down at the concrete. ‘Okay … It’s a really nice spot of sidewalk, I guess.’ He lifts his gaze back up to me. ‘I’m so confused.’
‘I can tell.’ I’m trying not to laugh at him, but his puzzlement is cute. ‘This is where you first ran into me. Literally.’
Recognition clicks. ‘Shit, I remember that. I was trying to catch a football Luke threw and totally took you out.’ He shakes his head, but the rigidness in his body is starting to unravel as his mind wanders to something else. ‘I can’t believe you ever went out with me after that.’
‘I didn’t want to,’ I admit. ‘Or I was afraid of you anyway.’
‘I don’t blame you. I’m surprised you didn’t get hurt.’
‘No, I wasn’t afraid of you because of that.’
‘What do you mean?’ he wonders, getting confused all over again. ‘Why were you afraid of me, then?’
I tug on his arm, pulling him in the direction of the car. ‘Come on and I’ll show you.’
‘Okay, I know this restaurant,’ he says proudly after the waitress seats us in a corner booth that’s decorated with a glowing pumpkin and a purple and black lantern. It’s late enough that there’s hardly anyone around, except for a few drunk college kids in the bar area dressed up for Halloween. ‘This is where we first had dinner. But it wasn’t a date. Luke and Seth were here.’
‘I remember.’ I’m all smiles as I open my menu. ‘But it was the closest thing I had to a date.’
‘Callie, I’m sorry’ – he frowns – ‘that you were so alone for so long.’
‘I didn’t bring you here to feel sorry for me, Kayden.’ I glance up from the menu and meet his gaze. ‘Me being alone was based on the fact that I didn’t trust anyone. But that night, I trusted you.’
‘Really?’ he asks doubtfully as he flips open the menu in front of him. ‘You seemed like you didn’t want to have anything to do with me, especially when I reached out to take your hand.’
‘That’s because I was terrified. I had to run to the bathroom to empty out my stomach,’ I explain. When he starts to say something, I add, ‘I didn’t bring you here to talk about my past problems. I’ve done enough of that to last me a lifetime.’ I reach across the table and place my hand over his. ‘I brought you here to show you this.’ I nod at my hand on his. ‘This is possible because of you.’
He shakes his head. ‘No, this is possible because you’re strong. You’re the strongest person I’ve ever met, Callie. I swear to God, I don’t know how you do it.’
‘I do it because I have good people in my life that make everything worth it.’
He sighs, disheartened. ‘You’re always glowing with positivity. I wish I could be like that.’
‘Yeah, now I am. But if you had talked to me before college, you wouldn’t have thought so. I was weak back then.’
His hand begins to tremble beneath mine. ‘That’s not true. Remember that night … that night you stepped in when,’ he lowers his voice, ‘when my father was beating me. It takes a shitload of strength to do that.’
‘And it takes a shitload of strength to survive that,’ I press, giving his hand a gentle squeeze. ‘And to tell someone about it. Like you did.’