You were doing so well.
For a while, I resisted temptation. I gave Happy her dinner and cuddled with her on the couch while tears came in intermittent bursts. Talking might help, but I couldn’t face anyone. So I went to the kitchen and dug out Rob’s stash. He liked good whiskey now and then, not enough to worry me. Of the two of us, I was the one with the potential problem. I got a glass and carried the bottle to the couch. I poured some out and stared at the amber liquid, then on a rush of horror, I shook my head and got up. Gathering all of my resolve, I poured the liquor out and then dumped the rest of the bottle down the sink.
Not doing this. Otherwise you might as well have gone with him.
When I went back into the living room, Happy greeted me with a wag of her tail. I sat down beside her and clicked on the TV, currently set on HGTV. I could be watching Rob on here, this time next year. It sounded both impossible and sad. Eventually, I’d end up telling people online that I used to date the insanely sexy guy from Hot Property.
Nadia. I should call her.
I got my phone, but instead of hitting the contact button, I pulled up Google Maps and input our address along with the studio location in Toronto. Twenty-three hours. I wouldn’t be able to relax until I knew he got there safely. If he didn’t sleep—I swallowed hard.
Then I tapped Nadia’s picture without thinking about the time difference. By the time she answered, I realized it must be close to ten in Michigan. “Hey, Lauren. What’s up?”
“I broke up with Rob.”
“Shit, what happened? What’d he do?” It was sweet that she immediately took my side, but perversely, it also pissed me off. She was his sister.
“It’s not like that.” Quietly I outlined the circumstances, along with the incredible opportunity Rob had considered giving up for me.
“Holy shit, he’s getting a home improvement show?” Finally, she sounded impressed. “I can’t wait to tell Mom and especially Dad. He’ll be so excited.”
“When you tell them, make sure they understand he was just swept up in the excitement. He had to rush off to start filming.” The last thing Rob needed was an earful of guilt about the way he’d left town, on top of everything else.
“Oh, totally. I understand why you didn’t want to chuck everything to follow him,” she said after a short silence. “But I don’t really get why you felt like you had to cut the cord so completely.”
Maybe explaining it would make it easier to bear on my end, too. “The idea of being a public figure horrifies me. Like, more than most people.” Taking a breath, I told her about the anxiety attacks and my drinking. “I never let on because...I was ashamed. I know now that I can’t help it, and I’m doing better, I really am.”
“I wish you’d told me.” Nadia sounded choked up, and I could imagine the way she’d be curled up, arms around her knees. She drew in like a turtle when she was hurting.
“I just wanted to be normal,” I whispered.
“That’s...nobody. It’s a myth.”
“Maybe you’re right. Anyway, I couldn’t cope in the life Rob’s heading off to...magazine articles, reporters, interviews, people occasionally taking pictures of us when I least expect it....” I almost had a panic attack thinking about it. “If I didn’t break it off hard, he’d be looking over his shoulder, split between his new life and his old one.”
“You wanted to ensure he has the best possible chance to make a go of this, gave him complete freedom to shoot for the moon.”
“Yeah,” I said in a voice thick with tears.
“Wow. You really love him a lot.”
That was all it took to get me crying again. The tears stung my eyes, tickling in my nose and burning my throat. “I have to go. Make it okay with your parents, all right? He’s given everything to everybody else for so long, he deserves this. And don’t worry about them. I promised Rob I’ll help out when needed.”
“Are you sure? I can come home.”
“No, it’s fine. I’m here. I’ve got this.” Happy licked the tears from my cheek.
“Then I’ll square things with Mom and Dad. If nothing else, years of being the golden child means when I talk, they listen.”
“Thanks. You’ll never know what this means to me.”
She paused, and in the silence, I heard Mr. Hot Ginger say something in the background, but she shushed him. “Just like Rob will never know how much you love him?”
If the admission to heaven was dictated by the degree of sacrifice, it shouldn’t matter what I did with the rest of my life. I’d taken a figurative knife to my chest in cutting Rob out. The wound was still fresh, raw meat of the soul.
I swallowed the pain and answered, “It’s for the best. In every girl’s life, there’s always one who got away.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
Though I resisted the urge to get drunk off my ass, I couldn’t face work on Friday. So I called in and my throat was so sore from sobbing that I sounded convincingly hoarse. After texting Avery that I wasn’t up for girls’ night, I fed Happy and then went back to bed. I just wanted to sleep because when I was unconscious, I couldn’t feel.
I woke up to the sound of someone pounding on the front door. Gummy-eyed and dizzy, probably from low blood sugar, I stumbled downstairs and opened it. I was astonished to find Avery standing on the porch, still dressed in work clothes. From the angle of the sun, it was just past five.
“You never cancel,” she said, giving me a worried look.
“What’re you doing here?”
“Being a friend. I think. Am I doing it right?”
“Go away.” I tried to shut the door, but she shouldered it open and pushed past me.
“Where’s Rob?”
“Toronto. In case you didn’t know, he’s internet famous these days, soon to be Canadian famous.”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about, but you smell. Go take a shower or I’ll scrub you myself.” Apparently Avery believed in tough love.
Since I was afraid she meant it, I crawled up the stairs and stood in a stream of hot water until I could muster the energy to wash. When I came back down, she’d made sandwiches and fed the dog. Happy seemed to like her, though her favor might spring from the fact that Avery had opened the expensive cans. I sank into the chair, watching her move around the kitchen with a sense of unreality.
She put a plate in front of me. “How long has he been gone?”