I forced a smile. “It’s your X factor.”
Grinning, he swept me off my feet and into his arms. An older couple was waiting on eleven when the doors opened, but Rob only smiled at them and carried me down the hall to our room. I caught the woman checking him out as he set me on my feet outside the door. Yeah, he’ll play well with a certain demographic. We ordered a fancy dinner to celebrate this momentous occasion, but for me, it felt like the end of life as I knew it. Rob didn’t notice that my smile was frozen as we ate. But he picked up on it as I got ready for bed.
“You sure you’re okay?”
Not ruining this for you. I refuse.
So I dredged up a sheepish look. “Would it be weird if I FaceTimed Avery so I can see Happy? I miss her.”
His gaze softened. “Not at all. You’re adorable, you know that, right? And don’t worry, we’ll be home by this time tomorrow.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
After we got back from Toronto, it seemed like we were in a holding pattern.
I’d gotten As in my summer classes, and the two I was taking this fall were going well also. On the surface, nothing had changed; we still did everything we had before, but now life seemed to be stamped with a doom clock. Perversely, in my spare time, I promoted Rob’s channel even more. At his request, I posted a notice on his website that he was no longer taking orders—he had to catch up on the backlog, and he reported a flood of emails.
“Listen to this one,” he said, laughing. “‘Dear Rob, I was totally going to order a bedside table, so I could put your picture on it. By the way, I’m the one who contacted Hearth & Home about you. It would mean the world to me if you wrote back. Keep me posted, okay? They won’t tell me anything, even though I’ve emailed at least five times. Your biggest fan, Carina.’”
I managed a smile. “You should start a line of trading cards with various action-man building poses.”
He laughed and kissed my temple. “Cute. It’s so weird when you say stuff like that. Don’t they realize I’m just a normal guy?”
“You’re not just anything.”
That night, when we had sex, for me it had an edge of desperation. I was storing up Rob memories because unlike him, I knew our time was limited. Already it felt like he was somebody different and foreign, not the guy I had been living with. Before going out to his workshop, he spent an hour a night responding to fan mail.
In mid-October, he got the call I had been dreading. It was Thursday, and we’d both just gotten home from work. It must be late in Toronto, but Annette Caldwell must be eager to talk to him. From the astonishment and joy in his expression, it was good news. I left the room, not wanting to overhear the details, and went out to the backyard with Happy to throw the tennis ball for her. It was chilly enough that I needed my jacket, but I didn’t have it. Soon my fingers were numb and clumsy as I chucked the ball.
Rob came to the kitchen door. “You’re going to freeze. Come in, we need to talk.”
Was it ever good when somebody said that? I whistled for the dog and went inside to find hot cocoa waiting for me. After giving Happy a cookie, I sat down at the table for two by the window. He smiled as he joined me, apparently not grasping that things were about to fall apart.
“So they offered me the show. They want me to move to Toronto, pretty much as soon as I can.” He hesitated. “But I don’t think this will work. I mean, with my parents and all, Nadia out of state. If my mom needs my help...I just can’t go, can I? When we were there, I didn’t think it would actually happen. So it was like...a pipe dream or something.”
“And now you have an offer.” Part of me wanted to agree with him. Yeah, Rob, don’t be a bad son. How can you even consider leaving your folks? And me. But I loved him too much to stand in the way of his dreams, even if they couldn’t include me. “Don’t worry about your parents. I’ll help them out if they need it.”
He stared like I had pulled a handful of change out of my own nose. “That doesn’t even make sense, Lauren. The only way I take this offer is if you go with me.”
Fuck. Here we go.
“No,” I said quietly. “This is something you have to do on your own. It’s a fantastic opportunity for you. Not me. I’m not quitting my job and moving to Canada.”
And I don’t want to. I could picture the kind of life he’d have, chaotic and unsettled, lots of parties and media attention, so many strangers to schmooze. In other words, it would be my definition of hell. The panic attacks would kick in again, twice as hard, and pretty soon I’d be drinking more than ever. I was just starting to get a handle on my issues. Leaving now would drop me down a hole darker than I’d ever been.
I can’t do it. Not even for you.
“Then I won’t go, either,” he said, as if it were settled. “I’ll call Annette and say no.”
And I was so tempted to let him chuck his future for me. I stared across the table at his dear, beautiful face as my throat tightened. Tears filled my eyes, but I didn’t let them fall. I willed them away, setting Social Lauren firmly in place. She didn’t care about anything; the party girl never cried. I lifted my mug and took a sip.
“That’s a mistake.” My voice was cool.
“I’m not leaving you. With my parents, it would be an obligation. But you and Happy, you’re everything to me.”
“Ah. Damn. Then it’s time to admit...I don’t think this is working out.”
His face froze. “What?”
“Us. Whether you leave or stay, I’m moving out. I’ve been talking to Avery and Jill about getting an apartment together.” That was the biggest lie I ever told in my life, and it was a wonder he didn’t sense it because Rob was usually so good at seeing through my bullshit.
The naked pain in his eyes almost wrecked my hard facade. “Where’s this coming from? I had no idea, I thought we were—”
“Happy? That’s the dog, and she’s a little less complicated.” Yeah. A dog would never break somebody’s heart this way, but if I didn’t take it all the way to the bitter end, he’d never go, and I couldn’t be the reason he turned down such an opportunity. Whatever it took, I wouldn’t let Rob limit his potential because of my fear.
“This is good timing,” I said. “It’ll be easier for you to make a fresh start in Toronto.”
“I don’t want that. I want you.” He stared at me fiercely, openly, the Rob who never hid anything, not from me.