“Gran can’t wake up to find me gone,” she said, struggling to hold on to the reality of her situation. “Not after—”
“Don’t think about what happened the other night,” he broke in. “I’ll get you back before she wakes up.”
She shook her head. “I’m sorry. I can’t...I can’t sleep with you.”
His breath fanned her skin as he kissed her neck. “Why not? I can tell you want to.”
He was right. He’d caught her at a weak moment. All these years she’d denied herself the kind of abandon she was experiencing now. She desperately wanted to forget, to let go at last. But she couldn’t have a relationship with him even if he decided he was interested.
“Why?” he asked when she didn’t answer.
That old attraction had come out of hibernation stronger than ever, making her ask herself: What about one night?
It wouldn’t mean anything to him, so she didn’t have to worry that he might be misled or get hurt. And she already understood their limitations.
There was just one problem.
“You’re drunk,” she said.
His tongue outlined the rim of her ear. “I’m not so drunk that I can’t make love.”
Oh, boy... Scarcely able to breathe, she dropped her head back as his hands moved up, under her T-shirt. “I mean, you’re not capable of giving consent.”
At this, he lifted his head. “Are you serious?”
“Absolutely.”
“You don’t have to protect me.”
She stiffened. “Because...”
“I’m a guy. We want sex whether we’re drunk or not. And we don’t complain about getting it afterward.”
She could tell he was partly joking, but she wanted to be sure he knew what he was doing. “You should have a clear head when you’re making that choice.”
“Trust me.” He rested his forehead against hers. “I know what I’m asking for. And I’d choose you no matter what.”
He meant he’d choose having sex as opposed to not having sex. Tonight she just happened to be his potential partner. She had to keep the details straight, but it wasn’t easy, considering that his palms were lightly passing over the tips of her br**sts.
Catching his wrists, she stopped him long enough to make him pull his hands out from under her shirt. “Sleeping with me won’t solve whatever has you so upset, Noah.”
He grinned as he gazed down at the response he’d drawn from her body, which was obvious despite her T-shirt. “But it’ll sure as hell make for a better night than not sleeping with you.” His smile faded as he looked up again. “I can deal with the rest in the morning. I’ll have to, anyway.”
“The rest of what?” she asked. What was wrong with him? Was this about last night? Or about something else?
“Don’t ask. It’ll just ruin...this.” He kissed her again, soft and lingering and wet enough to make her think she’d lose her mind if she continued to resist.
She thought of Gran. She thought of Cody, Kevin, Derek, Tom and Stephen. And she thought of the therapist who’d helped her recover. Dr. Rosenbaum would, no doubt, warn her against this. She’d come so far since the attack, didn’t want to backslide.
But couldn’t this be called progress? She felt so alive, so eager to be physical. With the men who’d come before him, she’d just wanted to pull away.
“Don’t start thinking,” he said.
“Why not?”
“Because I don’t want you to say no.”
She chuckled at how straightforward he was. “Let me get some shoes. I’ll walk you home, make sure you don’t fall in a ditch or stumble into the road.”
He gave her a searching look. “You won’t stay the night?”
“I can’t,” she replied.
But once they reached his house, he seemed so disappointed by the idea of being rejected, she couldn’t maintain her refusal.
“I don’t have a breathalyzer,” he said as he urged her inside, “so what am I going to have to do? Walk a straight line? Recite the alphabet backward?”
It didn’t say much for her resolve that he didn’t have to do either of those things. All he had to do was kiss her and keep kissing her until they were in his bedroom.
15
Adelaide knew this wasn’t the way to come out of the nose dive that had been her first week in Whiskey Creek. She was supposed to be keeping her distance from Noah, not cutting anchor and sailing straight into the storm.
But she couldn’t imagine this would be the start of anything long-term. He’d never had a serious girlfriend, so there was that consolation. By morning, he’d say he wasn’t looking for a committed relationship but he hoped they could remain friends. And she’d say she understood completely and hoped the same thing. Then they’d go their separate ways, and if she was lucky, he’d feel so self-conscious about not calling her afterward, he wouldn’t even come into Just Like Mom’s.
Having him step out of her life would be so much easier than trying to force him out. Then she wouldn’t have to battle her natural inclinations. She could mind her own business, like she’d planned from the beginning, and try to forget this potent high school crush that kept reasserting itself, despite that nightmare of a graduation party and the passage of fifteen years.
“You’re thinking again....”
She couldn’t help it. She was looking for pitfalls. She didn’t want to regret this later. But she was pretty sure she’d regret stopping even more. It wasn’t as if she’d feel this way about just any guy. Not counting the rape, she’d slept with two men, including Clyde, who’d become her husband, but there’d been very few fireworks involved.
One big hurrah and then...Noah would exit stage left.
Refusing to be hampered by any more doubt, she tugged on his shirt, and he lifted his arms so she could peel it off. “You look...” She didn’t want to reveal how much she admired what she saw—since she knew she felt more than she should. “Just like I thought you would,” she finished.
“Let’s see if I can say the same.” He fingered the hem of her T-shirt to indicate that he wanted to take it off.
Despite a nervous flutter in her stomach, she raised her arms.
“Beautiful.” He tossed her shirt away but he certainly wasn’t looking in that direction when he said this. He seemed mesmerized by the sight of her, and Addy could honestly say she’d never felt anything more exciting.