“This is the key for your door. You’re on the second floor. A wonderful room. The elevator is just up the stairs and to the right.” The man beamed. “Have a nice stay.”
“Who helps us with our bags?” Zane looked around and sighed as he picked up our suitcases. “I guess that was a lie as well.” He muttered to no one in particular.
“I can help.” I reached over to take my case and he shook his head.
“No, I’ve got them.” I watched as he struggled with both cases and just sighed. Let him be the big macho man, I wasn’t going to fight him just so I could give him some help. I walked up the red-carpeted stairs and to the elevator. It was an old-fashioned elevator and I had to manually open the door. As I looked inside I realized there was no way that Zane, myself and the suitcases were going to fit in. In fact there was no way that anyone would fit in with either case. I took a deep breath before stepping back and allowing Zane to see inside the interior of the elevator. I was scared that he was going to completely lose it but he just muttered something under his breath when he realized that it was too small to be of any use.
“So, I guess I’ll just carry these up the stairs.” He sighed and I gave him a wide smile.
“You can do it, Superman.”
“Not helping, Lucky.”
“Sorry.”
“You can make it up to me.” He gave me a lascivious stare and then started up the stairs with the suitcases. I wanted to tell him to take one at a time, but I didn’t think he was in the mood for any suggestions. Thankfully, the second floor wasn’t too far of a hike and we made it there before Zane let go of the cases and called it a night.
“Let me get the door.” I grabbed the key from him and fumbled with the lock.
Finally I opened the door and walked into the room. I looked around the room in dismay. It was small and cramped and the king-sized bed was made up of twin beds pushed together. I plastered a smile on my face so Zane wouldn’t see how disappointed I was. I walked over to the windows and opened them widely, hoping to catch a glance of the Eiffel Tower, but all I saw was some scaffolding on the building directly across from us. I turned back around to check out the bathroom, maybe there would be an old antique claw-footed bathtub that I could soak in and relax. I opened the door to the bathroom and there was no bathtub at all, just a shower and a sink.
“What the f**k is this shithole?” Zane dropped the suitcases on the floor and cursed under his breath. “I’m sorry, Lucky.”
“It’s okay.” I stood in the bathroom wondering how I was going to tell him that there was no toilet. “Let’s just relax, yeah?” I turned around quickly and grabbed the remote control and turned the TV on. I smiled when I saw Sheldon from Big Bang Theory on the screen. “Yay, they have American TV.” I grinned at him, but my smile became frozen as they started speaking in another language. I kept the smile plastered on my face and sat on the hard bed while flicking through the channels. I got all the way through 105 channels before realizing that there was nothing in English. I looked up and saw Zane staring at me and the TV screen with a smirk on his face.
“What’s so funny?”
“Your look of disappointment when you realized that there was nothing for you to watch on TV.”
“Oh, oops, sorry.” I stood up and walked over to give him a hug. “I’m just glad to be here with you.”
“At least we have that.” He kissed my forehead. “Now excuse me a second, I just need to go to the bathroom.”
“Um, about that.” I grabbed ahold of him. “I think we have to use a public toilet.”
“What?” He shouted, his face growing angry again. “I am not paying $400 a night to use a public restroom.”
“This place is $400 a night?” My eyes almost popped out of their sockets. There was no way this place was worth even $40 a night.
“Are you sure about the toilet?” Zane walked to the bathroom, opened a door and cursed. “Okay, let’s see if it is somewhere else.” I tried not to look at him like he was crazy, but the room was so dreadfully small, there wasn’t even a place to hide a toilet.
Zane walked to the corner of the room and opened a door to what I thought I thought was the closet. “What the f**k?” Zane cursed again as he looked in front of the open door.
I walked over to him to see what had gotten him so worked up. My face paled as I stared at the toilet. It was a normal looking toilet, but it took up the whole “room.” There was no way someone could sit on the toilet and close the door; it was literally impossible.
“Oh, that’s a tight space.”
We both stood there staring at each other for a couple of seconds before we both started laughing. Our laughter was so loud that I thought someone would think we were dying of a laughing attack. I doubled over from laughing so hard and Zane grabbed hold of me to keep me from falling over. “My stomach hurts.” I took a breath and clutched onto his arm.
“I’m about to piss my pants.” Zane gave me a wry smile. “Literally.”
“Well then you better go to the toilet.” I pointed to the door and he shuddered.
“Okay.” He took two steps and I heard him unzip his pants, and then I heard the sound of his wee as it hit the toilet bowl.
I cringed when I realized that every noise someone made while on the toilet would be heard by everyone in the room. I quickly walked back to the bed and laid flat on my back, deep in thought. What was I going to do when I needed to go to the bathroom? There was no way I wanted him to hear me on the toilet, not for number 1 or 2. Number 1 was bad enough, but I knew I would die of shame if he heard me go number 2. There were some things that should just never be shared.
“That’s better.” Zane plopped down on the bed next to me and I frowned.
“You didn’t wash your hands.”
“What?” He looked confused.
“You didn’t wash your hands and you were just holding your Johnson.”
“My Johnson?” He jumped up and walked to the bathroom. “I’d rather we call him Zane Jr.”
“I’d rather we didn’t call him anything at all, actually.” I stared at Zane as he made his way back to the bed. His hair was growing longer and I could see the facial hair growing on his neck and face. He looked handsome, and manly. I wanted to feel the rough of his stubble against the softness of my skin.