However, the room was still dingy with old stained carpet on the floor and wood chip on the walls. Not a place to inspire a brilliant novel, to tell stories of war widows and genies, glamorous female photographers and their intense, loyal lovers.
She turned on the computer, got on the Internet, found the train times to London and planned her trip. She spent some time paying bills and filing away paperwork, just to keep her mind busy and to avoid the call she had to make.
With nothing left to do to delay the call, she phoned Alistair at home (he’d told her she could).
“Are you out of your mind?” he yelled when she’d told him her decision.
“Alistair, I’m thinking of Tash.”
“Marry me,” he returned instantly.
For the second time in two days, the wind was knocked out of her without a physical blow to cause it.
As if his words weren’t sheer lunacy (she barely knew him!), Alistair carried on. “If you want stability for Natasha, marry me. I don’t have as much money as McAllister but I want kids and you’ll both be well-provided for. And f**k knows there is no way in hell I’d ever let you go.”
She was silent. She didn’t know what to say. He’d asked her on a date but this was ridiculous.
“Alistair, Nate’s her father,” Lily reminded him.
“Two visits and you’re jumping at the chance to get back to him,” Alistair returned sharply.
At these words, she took a swift intake of breath.
“I may be paying your bills but you don’t have the right to speak to me that way,” she said quietly.
“Lily, I sat there listening to your story, listening to what he did, what he gave up, what you went through and…” he stopped himself, unable to go on. Then he said, “Think about it, Lily, just think about it. I’m very serious.”
He sounded very serious, that was not in doubt.
Then he hung up.
Resolutely putting that conversation out of her mind for she had far too much to deal with as it was, she then called Maxine and told her the plan, a little worried at what Maxine would say.
Alistair was a solicitor, he had a head on his shoulders and he’d blurted out a marriage proposal. Maxine was a character, she might shoot to the moon.
And what Maxine said did shock her.
“I think that’s wise,” Maxine said softly and without a hint of drama.
Lily sighed her relief then admitted, “I think I’m mad.”
“No matter what happens, Lily, you’ll always have Tash, you’ll always have Fazire and you’ll always have me,” Maxie replied.
Lily nodded, her heart moving directly to her throat so words could not come even if she had them to say.
Maxine, obviously, couldn’t see her nod but she knew it was there. “I’ll cover for you at the store tomorrow.”
“Thanks Maxie,” she whispered.
“It’ll be okay, sweetling,” Maxine returned. “This time, I think it’ll be okay.”
The headache she’d staved off with the bath came back with a vengeance so Lily went to bed early. She also did this in an effort to avoid telling Fazire of the plan. He’d begin floating, talking pompously, making grand statements or perhaps even dire threats and she wasn’t up for that.
The next morning, she kept it business as usual. It was getting close to the end of school and Tash was getting antsy for her summer holiday. Fazire walked her to school the mornings when Lily had to get to the store early which she told them she had to do that day and Lily watched them go.
Then she tore back into the house, not enough time to take off the little dress she had put on to bamboozle Fazire and Tash into thinking she was going to work. She would have preferred to wear something business-like and formal, like a suit but she only had one of those and she’d already worn it during a meeting with Nate. Therefore, the dress would have to do.
It was a dress she would normally wear to the shop, a deep raspberry colour with a crossed bodice and empire waist. It fit her body snugly all the way down the hem brushing her knees. She wore this with a pair of funky, strappy, matte gold high-heeled sandals that Maxine given her the year before for her birthday. They were fine to wile away the hours sitting behind the counter at the shop but there was no way she would travel to London or anywhere in those high heels. However, if she didn’t leave immediately, she wouldn’t make her train.
And if she didn’t leave immediately, she might change her mind. And if she changed her mind, what kind of mother would she be?
She took the Mercedes, the first time she’d touched it, mainly because she didn’t have the time to waste if the Peugeot decided to be ornery. She needed to get to London, talk to Nate and get back before anyone was the wiser.
She needed time and privacy to break the news to Fazire and to know from Nate that Fazire’s place in their family was solid or there was no deal.
She resolutely did not think about how different the Mercedes handled to her Peugeot. She would have plenty of time to think about luxuries, about how her life was about to change, about many things.
At that moment, she needed to deal with her situation. She needed to take measures to protect her daughter and different measures to protect herself. And she needed to do it soon before she lost her nerve.
During her two hour journey she thought of all the reasons not to marry Nate.
She barely knew him.
She wasn’t likely to know him because he rarely spoke.
He’d promised her important things and had reneged on those promises within weeks.
He’d made her wish from Fazire, something she’d waited for breathlessly for a decade, a nightmare and this hurt Fazire and Lily never wanted Fazire to hurt. Ever.
He had two siblings that where, clearly, Satan’s spawn.
He’d made her hope for a bright future and then did nothing when that was put in jeopardy which caused that hope to be snatched away.
She was still somewhat frightened at his father’s temper.
And, lastly, it was clear he would expect the marriage to be a marriage and all that entailed, not an arrangement.
Then she thought of the reasons to marry Nate.
He was Natasha’s father and he obviously, even after only two visits, adored her.
And every child needed a father.
Lily loved Will more than she could express and missed him every day of her life. If she had the chance to have Will back alive, breathing, walking, talking, she’d jump at it, she’d even sacrifice a little bit of herself (even a lot) to have him back.
And she would do no less for Tash.