Maybe I should just get my behind to Celeste and Thomas’s, get inside and lock the door.
So I quickened my pace trying not to look like I was. But by the time I got up the steps to their white Georgian house, I was freaked out. It was silly, no one was following me, that was ridiculous but I still was freaked out. Totally.
God, I needed to get myself together. I was becoming paranoid.
What was up with that?
I’d reached into my purse and pulled out the keys two doors before Celeste and Thomas’s so they were at the ready. But my hands were shaking as I tried to insert the key in the latch. Therefore, I dropped them, squelched an expletive and bent to retrieve them.
When I straightened, my shoulder slammed into something hard.
Oh God, no. Someone was following me.
A surprised, small cry escaped my lips and my head twisted just as I felt the keys ripped from my hand. Fear coursed through me, I was preparing to do something defensive, I had no clue what, when my eyes hit Sam.
Sam.
A stony-faced, infuriated Sam.
Oh. My. God.
Before I knew it and without a word, the latch was open, the door was open and Sam’s big body was crowding me into Celeste and Thomas’s entry hall. Sam pushed the door closed behind us, the latch caught but I didn’t even get my mouth open before his long fingers curled around my bicep and he propelled me down the hall and into the first room on the left, the sitting room. He pulled me in, let me go and turned to close the door.
I backed across the room.
He turned back to me and his eyes seared into me.
I stopped dead.
“You’re… fucking… dating?” he clipped.
Oh shit.
It was Sam who was following me.
“No,” I whispered.
“Sweetheart, saw you meet him, saw him touch you, saw you drink coffee with him. He crashed and burned but that was not two friends having a f**kin’ chat.”
Oh man.
He was angry. Really angry.
He was also here.
What was he doing here?
Following me!
Forcing his way into Celeste and Thomas’s home and being angry at me!
“What are you doing here?” I asked quietly, unable to make my voice louder, hardly able to catch a thought. Heck, hardly able to breathe.
“What am I doing here?” Sam repeated.
“Yes,” I said. “What are you doing here?”
“You’re here,” Sam stated and there it went. My breath. Gone.
It took effort but I forced oxygen into my lungs and asked cautiously, “Didn’t you get my note?”
“Oh yeah,” he murmured in a way that sent chills up my spine, his eyes changing in a way that scared the beejeezus out of me and he took a step toward me. “I got your f**kin’ note.”
I stepped back, my entire body trembling. He saw it and stopped.
“I won’t hurt you, Kia, and you f**kin’ know that,” he growled, close to the edge, I knew it by his face, his posture, the energy vibrating off him and his tone.
“No I don’t, Sam, because you already did, you’ve all but destroyed me but you didn’t lift a hand to me to do it.”
Yes. That was what I said. It came right out.
His head jerked then he stared at me, the anger shifting clean from his features and I saw him swallow.
I reached inwardly for everything I had, gathered it close, straightened my spine but still only managed to whisper, “I can’t do it. We’re over. I can’t give everything and get pieces. I can’t live with secret phone conversations and you taking off for parts unknown. I loved what we had, I tried to live with it, I thought it was enough, but it wasn’t. Living every day with another secret. Knowing the day before there were more. Wondering if the next day will mean you’ll walk away from me. Understanding in my heart that you can’t trust me with pieces of your life. I know they’re dark but I don’t care. I didn’t just want your light, your power, your strength. I wanted all of you. I asked for it. I fought for it. But you kept it from me and you did it willingly knowing I needed it. I’m sorry, Sam, I’ve made my decision. I thought I could do it but I was wrong. It’s all or nothing.”
He didn’t speak.
I did.
“I’m sorry.” It was my turn to swallow then I forced out, “You need to leave.”
Sam didn’t move.
I waited.
He still didn’t move. Not a muscle. Not even his eyes leaving me.
God. Really. He had to get out of there. He was killing me.
“Really,” I whispered and the word broke in the middle. Sam closed his eyes the instant he heard it but I pushed past it, somehow managed to keep my shit together and went on, “Please, Sam, just go.”
He opened his eyes and they locked on me, the intensity was there, more than ever before which was saying something. It was firing his eyes so blazing it was a wonder the room didn’t catch fire.
“Go,” I whispered.
Sam didn’t move.
I was losing the battle with my emotion. I wasn’t strong enough for this. I hadn’t had enough time to get to that place and tears filled my eyes.
“Please,” I begged brokenly, “just f**king go.”
I couldn’t stop it and a tear slid down my cheek.
Sam watched it go.
Then his eyes shot to mine.
“He died in my arms.”
I blinked then I froze. Completely. Head-to-toe.
Sam kept speaking.
“Bled all over me, his blood so warm, swear to Christ, I actually felt his life draining out, leaking all over me.”
Oh God.
He was talking about Gordo.
“Sam –” I whispered.
He cut me off with, “Nine words.”
He said no more.
“Nine words?” I asked quietly.
“His last words. There were only nine.”
I waited, my heart beating hard, not wanting to hear it, needing to.
It took some time but then he gave it to me.
Everything.
“He said, ‘Love you, man. Tell my wife I love her.’”
The tears came back and didn’t hover. They just fell over and slid down my cheeks one right after the other.
Sam kept talking.
“Then he died. Said those nine words then he was gone. Fuckin’ watched the light die in his eyes. Just blinked right out. I will never forget that. How he was there, Gordo, my boy, lookin’ at me and not even a second later, just a blink, he was gone for-fuckin’-ever.”
“Honey,” I whispered.
“Then I had to go tell Luci that shit.”