That sucked. But it was also true.
“Okay,” I whispered.
He stopped us and turned to me. “When I met your Mom, I couldn’t get enough of her.”
I felt my breath stall.
He shook his head, a small smile on his mouth as he went on.
“She made me laugh, Christ, Kiakee, never laughed so hard in my life but married her and got myself a lifetime of laughin’ that hard.”
This was true as well. Mom and Dad laughed a lot. All my life.
But thinking about it, Dad laughed more. This was because Mom was seriously funny.
I pressed my lips together.
Dad kept talking.
“And she’s beautiful, still is, but back then…” he shook his head again but his eyes stayed glued to me. “Took my breath away. Sometimes, to this day, I’ll lay in bed just to wait for her to wake up. Then she wakes up and looks at me with her beautiful eyes and her wild hair and that pretty mouth ‘a hers and I still thank my lucky stars.”
Oh my God.
I’d heard that before (kind of).
“Dad,” I whispered, moving closer and his hand dropped mine so his arm could wind around me.
“When we were new, startin’ out, no time was enough time with my Essie. Things were different then,” he looked in the direction of the house then back at me, “but, honest to God, I didn’t know your granddaddy had a shotgun, I woulda scaled the wall of their house to get to her. I told my buddies the instant I saw her I was gonna marry that girl. And I sure as heck did. I made it so. I stopped at nothin’. And I got my Essie. I knew, lookin’ at the laughter in her eyes the first time mine fell on her, she’d make sure I never regretted it. And I’m standin’ here right now with you, over three decades later, and I never did.”
I loved that. That was beautiful. I loved that my Dad had that.
I dropped my head and pressed the top of it into Dad’s chest.
His arm went from around me so his hand could curl around the back of my neck.
Then, in my hair, I heard him mutter, “Sam Cooper feels that way about you.”
I pulled in breath and lifted my head, Dad’s coming up too and I caught his eyes.
“I’m not sure,” I whispered.
“I am,” he stated firmly and I blinked.
“Dad, there are things you don’t know. He’s… we’ve… he’s holding something back from me.”
“What?” Dad asked and I shook my head.
“I don’t know. He won’t tell me.”
“You talk to him about it?”
I nodded. “Yeah, like, a gazillion times. I tried to play it cool. I tried to be patient. I tried to be gentle. I tried to be nosy and right before you guys got here, we fought about it.”
“What’s he say?”
“He doesn’t say anything except I have him.”
Dad’s head tipped slightly to the side and he said quietly, “Kiakee, from what I see, he’s not lyin’.”
I shook my head. “You don’t understand. It’s hard to explain but even Sam kind of admits that he’s holding something back. I told him I gave him all of me and I want all of him. He told me he’s given me what he has to give and if it’s all or nothing that’s my decision.”
“And you stayed,” Dad noted.
I shook my head again. “At first, that wasn’t my decision. My decision was to call you and tell you not to bring my stuff here and that I was coming home. Then he, well…” I paused, sighed and continued, “I got back, he figures me out, he knew that was my decision, he kissed me and I changed my mind.”
Dad burst out laughing.
I could see the humor but I still didn’t think anything was funny.
“Dad, I’m being serious. This is bothering me as in bothering me,” I said softly, Dad sobered and gave me his eyes.
Then both his hands came to my jaw and he dipped his face close to mine.
“All right, Kiakee, I hate to disappoint you but what Sam said holds true. That man’s got demons, plain to see. And if he’s the type of man who wants to keep ‘em locked inside, honey, there’s nothin’ you can do. So there’s not anyone who can make that decision but you. If it’s all or nothin’ for you then you gotta get out. If you can take what he can give then stay. And what I’m gonna say next is not gonna help you out a whole lot more.”
Great.
Dad kept speaking.
“The man I see with you is a man who is with you. That man loves you. He didn’t, we’d have words about you movin’ in outta wedlock and me and your Mom would be in a hotel rather than under the same roof with you and Sam sharin’ a bed.”
I totally knew Dad was not entirely okay with that.
Dad went on.
“He loves you like I love your Mom. I see in him what I feel when I look at her. And you can believe that because after Cooter, I would never, honey, never say this kinda shit to you if it wasn’t what I felt was the God’s honest truth.”
I knew this last to be true.
Dad wasn’t done.
“That said, my Kiakee deserves to have it all. She deserves a rich, famous, good-lookin’ man who thinks the sun rises and sets in her. She deserves a decent, good, loyal man who thinks the same. Sam is both ‘a those. But she also deserves to have everything she wants. If she’s willin’ to give it all, she should expect it in return. And if this doesn’t feel right, honey, right there,” one of his hands moved to press my chest, “you go with that feelin’. Because my girl is back and she deserves decent, good, loyal, gentle, rich and famous and she always did. But if that’s not givin’ it all, my girl deserves to find a man who will give all of himself right back to her.”
I stared in my Dad’s eyes.
All he said was beautiful. It was right. It was wise.
But it didn’t help me one bit.
Then Dad, being Dad, helped me.
He pressed in at my chest again and whispered, “Listen to that. Always, always listen to your heart. It’ll guide the way. You’ll know, it’s enough, it’ll tell you. You’ll know, it’s not enough and never will be, it’ll tell you. Listen to your heart, Kiakee. And when the time comes to make the final decision, your heart will lead the way.”
In that moment, a moment of blinding clarity, I knew he was so right.
Two days before I married Cooter, I couldn’t get to sleep because my heart hurt. I didn’t get it, not at my age back then. I thought it was nerves and excitement. But two days later, I didn’t rush down the aisle, beside myself with glee to be marrying the ex-quarterback of the high school football team.