Jenna has called me at least twice every day. She’s been trying anything and everything to get me out of the house, but I’m just not interested. The only thing I want is the only thing I can’t have, so what’s the point?
I watch Sooty take Highland Runner from the stable. He strokes his neck and talks to him as he moves toward his flank, toward the stirrup. Trick said Sooty had ridden Runner after he got back, but I haven’t seen it. He swore he’d made all the necessary progress with the horse, progress that would make him a winner. Even then, I believed him, especially after seeing him with Rags. I believed him when no one else did.
Carefully, cautiously, Sooty swings up into the saddle then sits perfectly still and straight, I guess still hesitant, still waiting on Runner to freak out. But he doesn’t. He shifts his weight from foot to foot, anxious for a run, but his ears show no signs of upset.
I see Sooty’s foot tap lightly against the powerful horse’s side and they take off across the field, toward the gate. It makes my heart hurt to watch them. Trick was right. He was right about Runner. And he was right about being born to do this.
But now I’ll never get to see him work miracles with wild horses.
Hot tears burn wet streaks down my cheeks. I blew it. I blew my one chance at true happiness. And now I’m left to pick up the pieces of the future I thought I’d had all mapped out and make some kind of workable existence from them. I have no other choice.
I get dressed and head downstairs, bypassing the kitchen and going straight to my father’s office. It’s empty, but I don’t let that stop me. I’ll hunt him down if I have to. I’m going to throw myself into the business and the horses. I’m going to put love and Trick as far from my mind every single day as I possibly can, for as long as I can. And then, when I can’t do it anymore…well, I’ll worry about that when the time comes.
I search the entire house for Daddy, but he’s nowhere to be found. As I pass the kitchen for the second time, Drogheda stops me.
“What are you doing, Cami?”
“Looking for my father. Have you seen him?”
“He’s out in the garage.”
“Oh.” The only one of two places I haven’t checked yet. “Thanks, Drogheda.”
With every step I take toward the huge garage, I am more determined to build a life around work rather than love. It’s when I round the corner and see what my father’s working on that I realize such a feat will probably never be entirely possible. Trick will haunt me, in some way, for the rest of my life. I’ll never be able to escape the longing I feel for him, never be able to escape the way my heart reacts to anything that reminds me of him.
I stop and quietly watch as Daddy drags a polishing rag across the top of the Mustang. It’s a Boss 429 in gunmetal gray with a wide black stripe up the center of the hood. I’d recognize it anywhere, partly because it’s so rare and partly because it’s Trick’s. At least it used to be.
I feel like someone has knocked the breath out of me. My chest feels tight and achy with an incredible loss. Seeing Trick’s car here, without Trick, is like suffering a small death.
“Where did you get that?”
“I bought it,” he answers, not even looking up from the tiny circles he’s making on the hood of the car.
“And here I thought you stole it,” I snap. “You know what I mean, Dad.”
There it is again—Dad.
“You know I always keep my eye out for classics. When a car like this goes on the market, everyone hears.”
“Does he know you bought it?”
That gets his attention. He straightens and looks me dead in the eye. “No.”
I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or not, or what my father’s motives were. Maybe he just wanted the car. Well, I’m sure he did, actually. I know that much about him. But did it have anything to do with Trick and his family, about the guilt Daddy feels over what happened? I’ll probably never know. Obviously, transparency isn’t a top priority in my family. Neither is honesty.
“How much did you pay for it?”
“That’s none of your business.”
“Yes, it is. You said I could be a part of this operation. Well, the finances are a part of it.”
“This purchase wasn’t part of the business. It’s a personal purchase.”
“Daddy, please tell me. I need to know that they’ll be okay.”
His expression softens. “They’ll be fine, Cami. For a long, long time.”
I nod, looking down at my fidgeting fingers. “Will he, um, will he have enough to maybe get started with a horse or two? And stall space somewhere?”
He doesn’t answer at first. I hear scuffling, but I don’t dare look up. I don’t want him to see in my eyes how much his answer matters to me.
When I see his feet and feel his hands on my upper arms, I still don’t look up. I feel my chin tremble and my vision blurs. I blink quickly to clear away the tears.
“Sweetheart, he’ll be fine. But he’ll be better off without you and you’ll be better off without him. He’s not right for you. I know you can’t see that now, but you will. Eventually.”
Obviously, there’s no reason to try and hide it from him anymore. He knows.
My eyes swing up to his. “How long have you known?”
“What am I, blind? Come on, Cami, do you really think I’m that stupid?”
“Daddy, why do you think he’s not good enough? Why can’t you see that he makes me happy?”
“Is he making you happy now?”
“That’s not fair. He—”
“I don’t want you getting mixed up with anyone from that family.”
“Is it because of Mom?”
“It’s because he can never give you the life and the security and the fidelity you deserve.”
“You can’t hold his father’s sins against him. Trick’s not like that.”
“And how do you know that?”
“I just know, Daddy.”
“No, you don’t. You can’t.”
I search his eyes. They are hard. Unyielding. Unforgiving.
“No, you’re right. No one can know for sure. I’m sure you never expected Mom to do what she did. But some things are worth taking a chance on, Daddy, and Trick’s one of them.”
“Then where is he?”
And just like that, I’m crushed once again under the devastating weight of reality.