“And me.”
She lowers her head. “And you.”
“Is that why you acted so funny when you met Trick?”
She turns to look out the window. “Sweet Lord, he looks so much like his father. I felt like someone knocked the breath out of me when I saw him standing there with you. It was like looking at a picture of us, together, all those years ago.” During her long pause, I see her chin tremble. “I knew what Jack had done in hiring him. I knew why he needed to. He’s always felt like we—or, more to the point, I—was responsible for all the hardships LeeAnne faced after Brad killed himself. And he’s right, of course. It was his way of helping her when no one else was around to do it. He offered her money and horses, help, anything, but she wouldn’t take it. None of it. But she agreed to let Trick come and do what he loved, what his father had taught him to do, for a generous wage. She wanted to give him that experience, that good start in life.”
When she’s finished, I keep expecting her to say something else. But she doesn’t. “And that makes it all better? That makes up for…everything? Everything that happened? Everything you’ve been hiding? All the lives you ruined?”
She turns her tortured expression on me. “Of course not. Nothing will. Nothing can.” Mom leans her head back against the head rest. “No amount of regret or apologizing can undo what’s been done. And, of course, nothing can ever bring Brad back. If I’d known how it would all turn out…”
“Well, what did you think would happen, Mom? Did you ever think for one second that it might end well?”
Her laugh is a short, bitter bark. “I didn’t think that far ahead, Cami. I loved him. I wanted to be with him. I was willing to put life and reality on hold for as long as I could to be with him.”
“Then what happened? Why did it end?”
“LeeAnne found out. Nearly had a nervous breakdown. He promised her he’d stop seeing me, although he didn’t. Not at first. We just couldn’t stay away from each other. One day you’ll know what it’s like to love someone like that, to want to be with them every second of every day, to crave their company and their touch more than anyone else’s. But LeeAnne must’ve known that, too. After a few weeks, she went to Jack and told him. The day Brad told me what she’d done was the last day I saw him alive.”
I can hear the devastation in her voice and it pricks my heart. Just a little. I do know how she feels. I feel like that about Trick. Maybe there’s some weakness for Henley men in our blood. Even as horrified as I am about what she did, I can still picture myself in her shoes, risking everything to be with Trick.
I pull into a parking spot in the strip mall lot, right outside the coffee shop. But I don’t cut the engine. I don’t feel like going in anymore. I feel like running to Trick and asking him to forgive me for not believing him, for being so nasty. For the part my parents played in the events that led to his father’s suicide.
As backward as it sounds, love had nearly destroyed two complete families. I don’t want to let the past ruin any more lives, any more futures. It would be like giving in to a curse if I let Trick go without a fight, without at least telling him I’m sorry and that I’m in love with him.
I back out of my parking space.
“Aren’t we going in? Where are you going?”
“To find Trick. I’m not going to let this, let you and your mistakes ruin my life.”
“I wouldn’t want for you to. That’s why we never told you. I had hoped you’d never find out.”
“Well, obviously the better choice would’ve been to be faithful to your marriage, to your family, but hey!”
From the corner of my eye, I see her flinch and I regret my sarcasm. I know she’s had to live in a hell of sorts all these years, but that isn’t making me feel better at the moment.
“You might never have met Trick then. Would you trade him in order to undo the past?”
That’s a question I can’t answer.
********
Trick’s car isn’t in the driveway when I pull up. I debate whether or not I should just leave, but before I can back out, LeeAnne, Trick’s mother, steps out on the front porch of the tiny brick ranch and motions me inside.
I turn off the engine and pull the keys from the ignition. My heart stutters inside my chest, fear making me feel jittery. My hand is shaking as I reach for the door handle, but I make myself get out and walk to the door. If ever there was a time to be brave, it’s now.
Before I reach her, she turns and walks inside. I take a deep breath and pull open the screen door, following her inside. I can hear her talking in a hushed voice. I hear another voice, the higher voice of a child, respond. She’s talking to Grace. When she returns to the kitchen, she stops right inside the door, leaning against the jamb like she’s afraid to get close to me. Like I might be contagious. Or toxic.
“Trick’s not here,” she offers without preamble. “I don’t know if he’s coming back.”
The bottom drops out of my stomach. “Where did he go?”
“I’m not sure. Probably to sell his car since he had to leave his job.”
Clearly, she blames me for that.
“Him and his daddy worked on that car every weekend for months getting it restored. Trick finished it after Brad died. It’s got to be worth a small fortune, but I made him promise me when he got back he wouldn’t sell it. He said he’d hold off as long as he could. But now…”
More guilt piles on. “Maybe if I could find him and talk to him, he wouldn’t—”
“Oh, honey, he doesn’t want to talk to you. You had your chance, but fate took its course and gave him just enough time to realize what a mistake it would be. He came to his senses before it was too late and for that I’m thankful. Our families have too much bad blood as it is. I don’t want that tainting Trick’s future. He’s a good kid. Smart, handsome, funny, hard-working. He’ll go places. As long as he can keep his head on straight and stick with the right kinds of people.”
She’s not pulling any punches about how she feels about me and my family. It hurts, but I understand where it’s coming from.
“Is this your decision or Trick’s?”
“Trick’s a grown man. He makes his own decisions. He’s smart enough to see the writing on the wall. That’s why he’s not coming back. Not for a long time. He’ll go and make something of himself. He doesn’t need Hines help for that. He’s strong.”