I see Rags watching him as well. It’s almost like there is an understanding between them, some silent communication taking place.
One other big male in the herd turns to run down the beach. The others follow suit. It’s then that Trick turns and makes his way back to me.
The smile on his face is so beautiful, so perfectly happy and sanguine, I want to kiss him. Not in passion, but in…something else. Maybe the love I’m beginning to think I can’t contain for much longer. I’m not sure. The feeling is foreign to me. It’s like I experienced it with him. I was that invested in what he was doing, in what it would mean for him to accomplish it.
And he did it.
And it’s huge.
There’s no doubt Trick’s future is with horses. I just wish I knew if his future was with me, too.
CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR - Trick
Watching Jenna drive Cami away is more than a little unsettling. I feel whipped for not wanting to let her go, to keep her with me instead. I mean, I haven’t known her that long and it was just one weekend.
But, man! What a weekend.
In a way, I feel like several pieces of my life, of my dreams fell into place all at once. Introducing Rags to human touch for the first time and having Cami there for the whole thing was just…sublime. I can’t remember being any happier. Ever.
For the first time, I find myself thinking of my future wife with a face. Cami’s face. Which makes no sense. We’re all wrong for each other. Except in all the ways we’re so right for each other, so good together.
Damn! What a conundrum.
When I can no longer see Jenna’s tail lights, I take my bag back to my room. I don’t relish the idea of spending the rest of the evening doing laundry, not when I’d much rather risk my job, something that was one of the most important things in my life just a few weeks ago, to go and find a way to sneak in to see Cami, to hold her and kiss her for just a few more minutes.
You sound like a girl!
I chide myself as I sort dirty clothes into two separate piles and carry them to the wash machine. I go into Mom’s bathroom to see if she and Grace have any that need washing, but the hamper is empty. I don’t know when Mom finds the time to do all that she does, but it gets done. Of course, she’s aged so much since I left for college, she probably doesn’t sleep anymore.
As it always does, guilt assails me.
I start a load of colored clothes and head back to my room. I zip my now-empty duffel and put it away. When I turn back to the bed, I see the thing that Mom left me, the thing she said she wanted me to tend to first when I got back.
It’s a long wooden box with a brand burned into the top. It reminds me of a ranch symbol or something. It’s a horseshoe with the letters P, B and H inside it. My initials. Yet I’ve never seen the box.
One side is hinged. The opposite side has a latch closure. I flip it open and life the lid.
The contents are covered in a dark red velvet cloth. An envelope sits on top of it. One word is scrawled across the front—Trick. It’s my father’s writing. Even after all this time, I recognize it.
I’m sad and excited and a little nervous as I rip open the envelope and take out the folded piece of paper. It’s bittersweet to have something new from him after all this time. But what must it say, for my mother to have kept it from me all these years?
It reads:
Trick,
I know you don’t understand how I could take my own life and leave the family that I love so much. And I would rather think you’d never have to know my shame, but I also know there might come a time when your mother feels like you should know, that you need to know. You’re reading this so now is obviously that time.
I’ve written her a much different letter, but one that explains what’s inside this one. No words, no actions, no amount of regret can take back the pain I’ve caused. I can only hope that my absence will help those hurts to heal.
All my adult life, the only thing I’ve ever loved more than horses was you, your sister and your mom. Everything I did, I did for you three. Except for one thing. One selfish thing, one mistake. But that’s all it took. It’s the one thing that has destroyed everything I’ve always tried to protect—my family.
You probably don’t remember that I had a partner for my dreams of breeding thoroughbreds. You never met him. When we met, he didn’t know as much about horses as I did, but he was able to get the start-up money that I needed to make our dreams as a family come true. He’s a good man. After reading the rest of what I have to say, you’ll see that he’s a much better man than I am.
I met Jack Hines at a horse show. He was there to learn more about the financial side of the racing and breeding industry, him being a business major and all, while I was there to look at the horses and dream of one day owning my own ranch. It just so happened that we lived in the same town, although we’d never met. I’m a few years older than him. Anyway, long story short, after several more chance encounters, we hit it off and decided to partner and make both our dreams come true—his to manage a successful breeding operation, mine to own, breed and maybe even race champion horseflesh. And for a while, it looked like we were both going to get what we wanted.
Within the first two years, we had three horses. You probably remember them. You used to help me with them after school and during the summer. You’d rather have been there at the stables with those horses than anywhere else. I hope your love for them never dies. It’s part of who you are, who you’re going to be. It’s your destiny.
After being involved in a business together for going on three years, Jack and I finally decided to let people other than our families know of our plans, so we hosted a party to join our two worlds, friends and family. And that’s when I met Cherlynn, Jack’s wife.
She was beautiful and charming. She was cultured and sophisticated, all the things that might fascinate a simple man like me. I’d never really valued those things, but they were appealing in a way that…well, she seduced me without even trying. I’ll just put it that way.
Trick, I’ve never loved anyone like I loved your mother. I don’t know what happened inside me that would ever make me betray her the way I did. But it did. It happened. And I broke her heart. I ruined the family I’d always worked so hard to provide for, the family that had always been front and center in my dreams. I also ruined any chance of those dreams coming true by betraying my partner.
Your mother found out by accident. I like to think I would’ve been a big enough man to come clean eventually, but I never got the chance. One day in September, she came to the stables looking for me and found me there with Cherlynn. Life was never the same after that. I’d betrayed her trust, our marriage and our family.