“Seriously? That’s what you were freaking about?” Sweet Jesus H. Christ, he bought it. I heaved an internal sigh of relief.
“Well, yeah. I know I was, like, all over you, but I got thinking about it and I guess I lost it. I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you, but you can see why I wouldn’t.”
Now he looked confused again.
“Why?”
“Because I know, for a fact, that you’ve been with plenty of girls before, so you’re probably used to...girls with more experience. And I barely have any.” Okay, I was actually embarrassed now. That wasn’t part of the plan.
“Oh, my God. I cannot believe I just told you that.” I put my head in my hands.
“Hey, hey,” he said, coming over and pulling them away. “You have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. I kind of guessed, but I was waiting for you to say something. If you’re worried about me, don’t be. It doesn’t matter that you haven’t been with anyone else. It wouldn’t matter to me if you’d been with a hundred guys. Just the fact that you wanted to share that moment with me means...everything. You mean everything to me, Jos, and I don’t want to lose you. Even when you try to lose me.”
He gripped my hands tight and moved his face close to mine. I knew he was going to kiss me, and this time, I was going to stop it.
“Dusty, I can’t. I’m sorry. There are just...things that are standing in the way. Too many things. I don’t want to ruin what I’ve got here, and I’m afraid to screw things up and you’re too important to me. So if I can avoid f**king up what we have already, which is great, then I’d like to do that. Because what if we do this, and it doesn’t work out? Then what? You wouldn’t be able to come here anymore. Hunter would be put in a horrible position and I just... I don’t want to not see your face anymore. I couldn’t handle that.” Wow, I didn’t even know I felt that way until I said it out loud. Why hadn’t I just said that in the first place?
He opened his mouth to argue, but shut it quick and made that frustrated sound that was a bit like an explosion.
“I get it. I get that, and I understand it. Doesn’t mean I have to like it, but if that’s what you want, that’s what I’ll do. However and whenever I get to be in your life...I’ll take what I can get. I want you, any way I can get you. I guess you’re my new addiction.” He smiled, but it wasn’t a happy smile.
“I’m sorry you’re hooked on me. I’d suggest a support group, but I don’t think they have Joscelyn Addicts Anonymous.”
“That’s more than okay. You’re the one addiction I can live with.” I felt like I should reach out and touch his face, but that would probably lead to more kissing and that would undo all of the things I’d just said.
He let go of my hands and went and sat on the other end of the couch.
“So what do you think? Can we put Renee out of her misery and tell her that she can come in now?”
I heard rustling in the back room and I knew she was pretending not to listen, but we all knew that’s exactly what she was doing, if only to make sure I was okay. I nodded and turned my head.
“Renee! You can come out now.”
She dashed out as soon as she heard her name.
“You okay?” Her eyes went from me to Dusty and back.
“I’m fine. We’ve talked and everything is okay. No need for threats or pitchforks or mobs of angry villagers,” I said.
Renee gave me a look and Dusty shrugged.
“I don’t know where she gets it from,” Renee said.
“I don’t really care where it comes from. I just want to be with it wherever it’s going,” Dusty said. I shot him a look. He wasn’t supposed to say things like that anymore. He wasn’t supposed to say heart-melty things in front of my sister when I’d placed him very firmly into the friend zone. Was he screwing with me?
“Sorry,” he mouthed, but he didn’t look the least bit sorry. The doorbell rang again and Renee went to answer it.
“Honestly,” she said as she let the rest of the household back in.
I got up and smacked him in the chest.
“You’re not supposed to say stuff like that, you idiot,” I said as everyone piled in carrying bags and trays of foam coffee cups and several boxes of Munchkins.
“We got you a chai, Little Ne,” Mase said, handing me one of the cups.
“Thanks, Mase.” I sipped the chai and it was sweet and warm. Dusty grabbed a cup of black coffee and searched for all the jelly-filled Munchkins before someone else stole them. Two seconds ago he’d been flirting with me, but now he was acting like I didn’t exist. What the crap.
“You okay?” Taylor said, sidling up to me. “That was pretty...heated earlier.”
“I’m fine. Dusty and I had a chat and decided we’re better as friends.”
She laughed a little and grabbed a croissant from one of the bags. “You mean, you decided. I find it impossible to believe that he would go for that.”
“He said it was my decision,” I said. Still laughing a little and shaking her head, she went to the cupboard and got down a jar of Nutella. If there was one thing we always had at Yellowfield House, it was Nutella. We might be out of toilet paper, or laundry detergent, but we would never, ever be out of Nutella.
Tearing the croissant up, she unscrewed the jar of Nutella and dipped a knife in and slathered the chocolate goodness on the croissant pieces.
“Trust me. Hunter didn’t back down when I pushed him away, and Dusty is the same way.” I looked around, but no one was listening or watching us.
“What are you talking about, baby?” Hunter said, coming up behind Taylor and putting his head on her shoulder.
“Yeast infections,” she said with a wink at me.
“Yum. You gonna share some of that?” he said, pointing to her Nutella-covered croissant bits.
She sighed and held one up for him and he ate it from her fingers and she laughed as he licked the chocolate off. Taylor gave me a look, and at first I didn’t understand it, but then she reached out and pulled me close so she could whisper in my ear.
“Let him in. You’ll regret it if you don’t. Trust me.”
She let me go and went back to feeding Hunter parts of her croissant. I went back into the living room and found Dusty messing around with Hunter’s guitar. I didn’t know he could play.
Everyone else was still in the kitchen and I had the feeling that they were trying to give us some privacy.