She lowered herself into one of the kitchen chairs and he sat beside her. “That is such a line. But I’ll miss you too.”
Resting his chin on his hands, he met her gaze. “You really don’t blame me, do you?”
She shook her head. “I never did. But I will blame you if you screw this marriage up. Don’t you know a good thing when you see it?” she asked.
“That’s just it. She’s too good for me.”
“You’ve got to work on your attitude. If she didn’t love you, she wouldn’t stick around.”
“For one thing, she has no place else to go and for another, she can’t possibly love me.”
Janine rolled her eyes. “Is being dense a prerequisite for being male? I suppose the next thing you’re going to tell me is you don’t love her.”
He opened his mouth, then closed it again. Although he’d never put the thought into words, Janine had just forced him to look deep inside his heart.
She grabbed for his hand and clasped it tight “Life’s too short to waste a minute of it. I don’t care how old or tired that cliché is, look at me and Tony and you’ll know it’s true.”
He squeezed her hand back. “It shouldn’t have happened,” he said, thinking of Tony.
“No, but it did. Learn from it,” she urged him.
He planned to. “Take care of yourself and that baby you’re carrying. And if you need anything, and I mean anything, you pick up the phone. Okay?”
She nodded, then rose to her feet and grabbed him in a hug made awkward by the size of her stomach. Nikki would be that big one day soon and he wanted the right to hug her anytime he pleased. The thought came to him out of the blue, and remained.
“You’re one of the good guys, Kevin. It’s time you realized that.”
Good guy or not he had a lot of loose ends in his life to tie up before he could go to Nikki and ask her to give him a second chance. She could reject him, he thought. It was a distinct possibility.
And if she did, he’d just keep trying. After all, she was worth it
And he loved her.
* * *
She was alone. Janine’s car pulled out of the driveway. Nikki hugged her arms to her chest and blinked back tears. Then with a resolve she’d dredged up too many times this past year, she shook off the melancholy that threatened. She wasn’t alone; she had herself and her baby. Two very good reasons to push forward and go on. Janine herself was an inspiration there.
As Nikki sat on the front stoop, counting her blessings, she decided it was time to do more than think in the abstract—it was time to plan for this baby. Pushing herself to her feet, she headed inside. The sound of the television blared from the living room. She avoided Kevin and circled behind him to enter the kitchen.
Phone book on the table, pad and pen in hand, she made a list of all the things she’d need when the baby was born and rough estimates of what it would cost.
“What are you doing?”
At the sound of Kevin’s voice, she jumped in her seat. She resisted the urge to hide her lists. “Baby planning.”
“Mind if I take a look?”
She shook her head. He pulled up a chair beside her and straddled the back. She watched as his gaze flickered over the list. With his dark head bent forward, she could look all she wanted without being caught staring. The longing in her heart was frightening in its intensity.
He raised his gaze. “Not that I’ve been baby shopping lately, but some of these prices look a little low to me.”
“They’re rough estimates,” she murmured. Of used furniture. Not that she had any intention of sharing the details with him.
“What do you say we go check out the real thing?”
She blinked, startled by his suggestion and frightened by the hope one tiny suggestion generated. “I don’t think that’s necessary.”
He shrugged. “I do.” He turned the yellow pages around to face him.
Minutes later, he’d added a list of stores and addresses to her list of items. None of the names on his list matched the ones she’d mentally compiled in her head. Top-of-the-line stores, they’d contain all the things she’d love for her child to have.
But she wouldn’t have a prayer of paying Kevin back for years to come. “You know, I’m exhausted.”
His dark gaze met hers. As usual, she was drawn into the compelling depths. “It’s no wonder you’re beat. Saying good-bye to Janine wasn’t easy.”
“For you either.”
He covered her hand with his larger, stronger one. “You’re not alone, Nikki.”
She wanted to believe him. And that was the scariest thought of all. “I think I’ll lay down,” she said, desperate to escape from his magnetic pull and her own unrequited desires.
“Good idea. Rest up today and after work tomorrow, we’ll start with the first store on the list.”
His tone of voice didn’t leave room for argument, but that wasn’t the main reason she didn’t fight his intentions. As a general rule, she had a difficult time reading his cloudy gaze, but his eyes were clear, his expression lighter than usual. He was looking forward to shopping for their baby.
Nikki couldn’t deny him the pleasure. Worse, she didn’t want to. You’re a fool, Nicole.
Because she loved him.
FIFTEEN
Kevin hit his father’s doorstep first thing in the morning, hoping to find Max sober, or at worst, hungover. He stood in the hall banging on the door too long for Max to be inside having a morning cup of coffee. He groaned and steeled himself for the confrontation ahead.
The last confrontation, he hoped, until Max got his act together—or didn’t. Kevin didn’t want to think about the latter possibility. He reached into his pocket for a key just as the door swung open wide and Max greeted him in all his naked glory.
With a groan, Kevin pushed past Max and entered the apartment, pulling his father along with him. “Is that how you normally greet your neighbors?” Kevin asked.
“If they wake me then they get what they deserve.”
“Well, go get some clothes on. I’ll make a pot of coffee.”
“I don’t need any.”
Kevin raised an eyebrow. “Maybe not, but I do. Then I want to talk.”
Max retreated, muttering something about an ungrateful and intrusive kid. The man never looked in a mirror, Kevin thought. He headed for the kitchen and dug out the coffee maker he’d purchased for Max years ago in the futile hope he’d actually make the stuff himself and aid in his own sobriety.