At her prompting, he sat down on top of the comforter. She turned toward him and drew her legs up to rest her chin on her knees. He met her gaze and she extended her hand. Meet me halfway, she seemed to be asking.
And there was nothing he wanted more.
Before he could take her hand, the jarring ring of the telephone shattered the peaceful, welcome silence. And after he’d taken the call, he knew peace was like hope. Both damn illusions.
* * *
Kevin could swear he heard his heart pounding during the entire half-hour trip into Boston. By the time he parked, he’d worked up a good sweat. He’d seen Max in many situations, but flat on his back in a hospital bed would be a new one.
When they got inside, the emergency room of the hospital was bustling with people. Kevin stopped at the sign-in desk. “I’m here to see Max Manning.”
The harassed-looking woman behind the desk glanced down at a clipboard filled with names and other information. “Are you immediate family?” she asked.
“Yes.”
Nikki slipped her hand inside his and squeezed once. He appreciated the reassurance. He wasn’t sure he would have been able to make it through this without her by his side. Seeming to understand, she hadn’t said a word. After he’d hung up the phone, she’d just climbed out of bed and dressed so she could accompany him to the hospital—where she’d get to witness yet another reason why she shouldn’t want or expect anything from Kevin Manning.
“Through those doors and ask at the desk inside,” the woman said, then turned to the next person on line behind them.
They stepped aside. “Maybe I should have had him move into the house,” Kevin muttered. But he’d escaped hell once, and he hadn’t wanted to live with Max ever again. Selfish, Kevin knew. Because now his father lay passed out in a hospital bed.
“You can’t stop a drunk from drinking,” Nikki said, reminding him of his own words.
He shrugged. She was right, but damned if he could shake the nagging notion that he could have prevented this. Just like he could have prevented Tony’s death. If he’d just been there. “I’d better get in to see him.”
She nodded in agreement “I’ll wait here,” she said in an obvious effort to give him space.
He ought to take it but couldn’t. He gave Nikki’s hand a tug and headed through the emergency room doors, uncertain what he’d find. What he found was Max, looking sallow and appearing to be out cold in a small cubicle enclosed by a curtain similar to the one found in bathtub showers.
Kevin shook his head. Change the scenery and the hospital bed, and this could have been Max’s living room couch. “Is he okay?” Kevin asked the attending nurse.
“He’s stable. The doctor will be by with more information later. He’s resting comfortably now.”
He nodded. “Thanks.”
Kevin walked to the bed and stood over his father. He couldn’t say the man had raised him. By sheer luck and a sainted mother, he’d survived. And he had to admit looking at Max, he’d survived well. He hadn’t thought so up till now, but at least he hadn’t ended up a drunk like his old man, and that was saying something.
Kevin’s childhood had been a nightmare. Though he wanted so much more for his child than he’d been given, he didn’t know if he was capable of providing it. All he’d managed so far was one letdown after another.
But Nikki had asked him to try. Looking at his father now, Kevin knew he’d have to give more than he’d managed so far. He’d have to be there for them both.
He only hoped it would be enough.
* * *
Nikki woke up alone in her bed. Because Kevin had been adamant, she’d taken a taxi home from the hospital so she could get a decent night’s sleep on a comfortable mattress. For the baby’s sake, and for Kevin’s peace of mind, she’d agreed, but she hadn’t left him willingly. She just didn’t want to give him something else to worry about when he should be focusing on his father.
After a quick shower and change, she called for a cab and headed back to the hospital. Max had been admitted and Nikki tiptoed into his room so as not to disturb him. But the sight that greeted her was more moving and more disturbing to her than she’d anticipated.
Max lay in much the same position they’d found him in last night, sleeping on his back, an IV sticking out of his arm. But Kevin had fallen asleep in a hardback chair he’d pulled to the side of the bed, no doubt so he could watch over the father he didn’t understand.
He was standing guard, Nikki thought, in the protective mode she’d come to know too well. Her heart twisted at the sight. After his admission last night she understood now why Kevin took his responsibilities so seriously, why he berated himself when something went wrong, and why he insisted on being in control.
To his way of thinking, if he controlled the situation around him, bad things couldn’t happen. He really believed his mere presence could prevent fate from intervening. As if anything could, she thought sadly.
But at least she now understood why he felt responsible for Tony’s death, why he believed if he’d been there, he could have prevented it. Why he insisted on taking care of her and the baby.
And why she had to allow it. She had to accept him as he was or walk away. A man like Kevin couldn’t change.
She touched a hand to his shoulder and he jolted upright. “Sorry,” she whispered.
He rubbed his palms over his eyes, reminding her of an exhausted but weary little boy. Yet when he removed his hands and rose to his feet, he was every inch a man. Between the razor stubble, which was more than a day old, and the deep onyx of his eyes, he was the rebel cop she...
Nikki cleared her throat, choking back the word love, unable to cope with the reality of such a strong emotion when she’d just acknowledged that Kevin wouldn’t, couldn’t change. Not for his child and certainly not for her.
“Is he okay?” She rubbed her hands over her arms. Anything to keep busy and not think about the driving need to comfort him.
He shrugged. “Max had a restless night but what can you expect when you’ve ingested that amount of alcohol,” he said in disgust.
She nodded. “I brought you a change of clothes.”
She lay a plastic bag at the foot of the bed. “And some black coffee. I figured you’d need some.”
“Know what I really need?” he asked.
She shook her head.
“You,” he said and she walked into his open arms.