Nikki allowed his warmth to envelop her and hoped she gave some of the same strength back to him. They’d need it in the days and months ahead. Because she now knew nothing would play out the way she’d hoped. Mannings are no good for taking care of anyone except themselves. What a misguided legacy Max had passed on to his son.
But this episode with Max had driven home the fact that Kevin would always consider her a responsibility. One he had no choice but to face, but one he feared failing.
Maybe he’d need her for a moment, or a night, but in the end, he’d keep his distance for fear of letting her down, for fear of destroying what he touched. He’d never let himself admit to caring. To loving. To wanting the family she so desperately needed.
Nikki blinked back the tears forming in her eyes. She’d marry Kevin as planned. She’d give her child a name and all the benefits he deserved starting out in life.
But happily ever after wasn’t in her future, and she’d put out feelers in case of this eventuality. Now it was time to act accordingly.
ELEVEN
“I can’t believe I came back in time for a wedding.” Janine smoothed the soft petals on Nikki’s bouquet. Delicate white lilies spread their fragrant scent throughout the confines of Janine’s small car.
True to bridal tradition, Nikki had spent the night before at her sister-in-law’s apartment refusing to see Kevin until she arrived at the justice of the peace.
“With his father still in the hospital, we almost canceled.” In truth, she almost canceled. The thought never crossed Kevin’s mind.
She’d desperately wanted to postpone the wedding. She wanted Kevin to go into this day with a clear head. She didn’t want him to be able to look back and feel he’d been distracted or that she’d taken advantage of him in any way. But he’d insisted, claiming Max’s illness had nothing to do with their future.
Nikki would have laughed at his naiveté if the consequences weren’t so dire. Until Kevin accepted the fact that Max had everything to do with not only his outlook on life but his self-perception, they didn’t stand a chance of making it through the long haul.
“How is his father, anyway?”
Nikki shrugged. “They should release him in a couple of days. He can’t undo the damage the alcohol’s done to his liver, but if he stops drinking, he gives himself a chance.”
“Will he?”
“The better question is can he. It’s sad, but I really don’t see it happening.”
Janine sighed. “You never know. What with you two getting married and a grandchild on the way, he’s got good reason to want to stick around.”
If Nikki closed her eyes, she could almost imagine the family Janine had just alluded to. Nikki, Kevin, and their baby—and Kevin’s father, the only grandparent arriving on Sundays for dinner. Just the thought put a curling warmth inside her.
“Speaking of weddings...” Janine glanced over at Nikki. “I spoke to you last week and you didn’t say a thing. Wasn’t this an awfully quick decision?” Janine asked.
“Depends on how you look at it.” Nikki smoothed the waist of her dress down so her stomach became more visible. “The bride’s already pregnant. Some would say it happened too late.” She forced a smile, one at odds with the jitters in her stomach.
Janine slowed the car and pulled over to the side of the road. She glanced at Nikki, whose bulky form made turning impossible. “You aren’t fooling me, Nicole.”
Meeting her sister-in-law’s penetrating stare wasn’t easy. Nikki wished she could have blamed her inability on the blazing sun. But having reached suburbia, a large tree prevented the sharpest rays from blinding them through the windshield. Besides, fooling Janine wasn’t an option. She had always been too perceptive by half, and being pregnant had only intensified her radar when it came to matters of the heart.
“I’m scared to death,” Nikki admitted. Once the words had escaped, her body reacted. Her heart began to pound and she broke into a cold sweat.
“Put your head between your knees,” Janine suggested.
Nikki shook her head. “I’m not going to faint.”
“I nearly did. The day I married your brother, I had my head in a brown paper bag up until right before I walked down the aisle.”
“Are you trying to tell me I’m normal?”
Janine laughed. “I’d never say such a thing.” She grinned. “What I’m saying is what you’re feeling is normal.” She shifted position again. “Unless you’re truly having second thoughts and not just last-minute jitters.”
Nikki bit down on her lower lip.
“Cut it out, you’ll eat off your lipstick. Now what’s wrong?”
It all came down to the same thing. She wanted the fairy tale wedding. The “to love and to cherish,” the happily ever after. With the seconds ticking down, she was forced to look into her heart.
She loved him.
She always had. When she looked at Kevin, her heart raced and blood heated. When he was in pain, she hurt for him, and on the rare occasions when he laughed with her, her heart soared toward the clouds. She loved him, all right. But he didn’t reciprocate the emotion.
His sense of duty was strong, so here she was in a cream-colored suit loose enough in the waist to accommodate her pregnant form. She may not want him coerced into marriage, but what else could she call it? If it weren’t for the life growing inside her, she’d run far and fast.
“What is it?” Janine asked.
Nikki met Janine’s questioning gaze. “He doesn’t love me,” she admitted.
“He doesn’t know how to show it. There’s a difference.”
“I wish that were true, but...” She lifted her shoulders, then dropped them again.
“I believe it is, but unless he says the words, what I think doesn’t matter.” Janine sighed. “Do you want to call it off?”
“For the baby’s sake, I can’t. And besides, I want to make it work.”
What she couldn’t explain to Janine was that she was going into this marriage while making contingency plans for herself in case it failed.
Nikki loved Janine like a sister, but her faith in Kevin was strong, her desperation to see Nikki with the man she loved even stronger. Tony’s death had reinforced her belief in grabbing happiness while it was still possible. And though Nikki understood, Janine’s behavior in the past made trusting her in this case impossible. Besides, in another week, Janine would be packed up and back home.