And he does. Before I can curl my fingers around him, our jeans are on my floor and he’s wrapping my legs around him. I take him, long and hard, clenching as he pushes ever deeper. Yet it’s not enough. I need every part of him.
My hands pull his head into mine and our mouths crash together. I flick my tongue across his lips until his lips meet mine and his tongue dives into me as deeply as his dick is into me. I need to feel every inch of him. I need to feel like he’s owning me completely and utterly.
I need everything he has to give to me.
And he gives me it. He gives me every bit of himself. Every stroke of his tongue, every probe of his fingers, every pound of him inside me. He gives me all of him until I can’t take anymore.
My body clenches around him, clinging him to me, and I cry out. I let go of all the feelings building me and I shout into his shoulder. One, two, three, four, he pounds into me until he groans into my shoulder. Our bodies slump together, our fingers pressing to the other’s skin, and we hold each other.
He was right. There is a difference between f**king and making love. And the way he slides to the side, pulling me against him like he can’t bear to let me go, lets me know that was making love.
I snuggle into his chest, happiness taking hold and forming my lips into a smile. Kyle holds me tight, his chest rising and falling against mine and his heart pounding beneath my cheek, our legs twined together.
And that, the physical love we just made, wasn’t the only one that happened tonight. The crush I’ve been convincing myself of for the last few weeks is so much more.
Chapter Sixteen – Kyle
I slide out of Roxy’s bed slowly, making sure I don’t wake her, and kiss her forehead. She’s sleeping so peacefully. Her hair is tumbling over her shoulder and her lips are parted as she breathes deeply. I hesitate before slipping my clothes back on.
I don’t want to leave.
I want to climb back in that bed and wrap my arms around her and never let go. I’m trying not to think of what her reaction will be when she wakes up alone – but I know neither of us want to explain to her parents in the morning why I’m here. My phone says it’s three a.m., and I know it’s too late to go where I want to, but I’m going anyway.
I hold my breath at the quiet click of her door closing and creep through the house, deliberately not looking at Cam’s bedroom door. A part of him still lives in that room. A part of KyleandCam lives in that room, and it’s a part I’m not ready to face yet.
I jog back through the woods and toward the cemetery. A sliver of guilt is snaking its way into my mind, but I’m clinging to the fact I know he’d rather it be me than anyone else.
If anyone had to fall in love with Roxy, he’d rather it be me.
I have to hold onto that thought.
The cemetery is closed, the gates locked, so I scale the railings on the wall that surrounds it. It takes me all of five seconds to jump over them, and I make my way to his grave. Even in the darkness it’s easy. I’ve been here so many times in the last month, its unconscious.
I blow out a long breath as I drop in front of Cam’s gravestone. So many things I want to say are rattling around in my mind. So many words and excuses that just won’t come out.
So I sit here. I sit here in silence, a rock concert level of noise in my head, and I stare at his name carved into the marble. So many things are wrong here yet so many are right at the same time. Roxy and me, it’s so wrong but so right. Everything over the last few weeks has been building to this moment. Every word, every looks, every touch, every kiss. They’ve all snowballed until tonight and it exploded between us.
There was no way I was letting her walk out of that f**king party without me. There wasn’t a chance on this goddamn Earth she was going anywhere without listening to what I had to say.
She has this incredible skill of hearing but not listening, and I know that’s what she did when I dragged her outside. She heard but only listened to what she wanted to – to what she believed – so when she left she was always going to listen. She was going to listen and she was going to understand me.
More importantly, she was going to damn well believe me and every word I said.
Now I’m sitting in front of my best friend’s grave, wondering what he’d say. He wouldn’t slap me on the back or laugh with me. He wouldn’t ask for details or high five me.
He’d ask me what the f**k I was thinking sleeping with his sister. He’d go ten shades of apeshit, then he’d give me an ear battering using every cuss word he’d ever heard. Then, and only then, would he tell me he’s glad it was me.
Because that’s it. He’d always want it to be me. He trusted me with her and he believed I’d always keep her safe.
But it doesn’t stop the guilt, and it doesn’t stop the fact a part of me feels like I took advantage of him not being here. Like I planned it, no matter how many times I say I didn’t.
Coming home, I never planned to sleep with Roxy. I never planned to do anything but pull her ass into line. The second time we met, I knew something more would happen. She was more than Cam’s sister. She was more than anything I’d ever felt, and she still is. She’s so much I don’t even have the words for it.
I stay here until the sun begins to rise. The rise casts orangey hues across the sky that sneak through the leaves of the trees, bathing the cemetery in a dull light, and I stand. Then I say the only words I can. The only words that’ll ever comfort him.
“Sorry, man. Guess I went and fell in love with your sister.”
Chapter Seventeen – Roxy
Empty.
I sit upright and look around. He’s gone. His clothes are gone. My stomach clenches and my heart pounds once painfully. Of course. I cover my eyes with my hands when my phone buzzes.
I dive over the edge of my bed, feeling under it for my cell like a woman possessed.
“Bingo!” I produce the white block and unlock it, bringing up the messages.
Didn’t think you’d want to explain last night to your parents.
I smile and breathe a sigh of relief. This is Kyle, I remind myself. Kyle.
That could have been awkward, I reply.
Don’t think the worst, Rox. I meant what I said last night.
I want to believe it. So I do. I believe it because it’s Kyle, and I trust him with my life.
The house is silent, so I get dressed quickly and slip downstairs. I avoid Cam’s door. I have to go and see him but I can’t handle being around his things this morning. It’s almost as if I have to explain myself to him… Even if I don’t have the words to do so.